My partner has bpd

M

Marion1982

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May 4, 2019
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#1
Hello,

I have been with my partner who has bpd for nearly four years now and we have two young boys together.
As anyone else out there how is also a partner to a bpd sufferer will know we have had are ups and down and I often wonder how much longer and a stand the constant arguments, put downs, being told I’m a terrible mother and a horrible person, how selfish I am the list goes on. While having to walk around on eggshells to tell not to upset him anymore but also not knowing what might set him off.
Anyway I’m on here because a few nights ago it all escalated so much that I ended up with my head being smashed into the coffee table several times, thrown over the top of it amongst other physical abuse. I am still in shock and I’m finding it all very hard to process. It feels like it never really happened. Obviously I had to ask him to leave which he has. It was terrifying how far he would of gone .
But I still love him and he is the father of our boys. So I have no idea what to do next???????. Can this behaviour be stopped or I’m I just being naive and things will never change??. I’m also now worried he may hurt the boys if it came down to it he was so out of control.
I just need some help and perspective on what I should do.
Thanks Marion
 
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calypso

calypso

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#2
That sounds horrific!! I am glad you got rid of him for now out of the house. You have to put your children first. He might hit them true, but its just as damaging them knowing that he is hitting you. It affects children terribly.

I know you love him but you cannot have him back on these terms. He cannot do this then apologise and come back. He has crossed a line and I'm not sure you can ever trust him again not to cross that line again.

If you really think you can make this work there is Adult Program | MOV - Men Overcoming Violence

and https://www.relate.org.uk

Both might be able to help you. But he has to do something about his violence. Once is once too often for this behaviour. He could have killed you.
 
M

Marion1982

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May 4, 2019
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#3
Thank you for your reply. Yes I’m not sure I could/can trust him ever again. I would never forgive myself if he ever hurt one of the kids ether. It’s just so hard to say it’s all over. But it thinking about how far it could of gone makes me feel sick.
 
C

Confusedandanxious

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May 5, 2019
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#4
There is no excuse for abuse. There really isnt. There are many many people with bpd who do not abuse those close to them.

Dont stand for it. Dont try and justify it. What he did was disgusting. He needs to get himself into therapy and work extremely hard on himself before you even consider him back. You have to look out for you and your little ones. I'm so sorry you have been treat like this. You deserve to feel safe in your home, as do your children. Walking on eggshells is not a feeling of safety.

Stay strong
 

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