B
bonnibell
Member
Me and my partner have been "a thing" for more than a year. They know everything about my extreme separation anxiety, PTSD and my mental health overall. I have been suffering from BPD and PTSD most of my life, but it has never affected me as much as it does with my partner. You see, this is my first time getting so severely attached to anyone. Now, I'm currently having a slight panic attack as because my partner is hanging out with a person of the other gender. Now, this is usually not a big problem for me but my partner becomes really disrespectful and non-caring when being with this person. My partner and I have discussed this matter where they usually blame it on me. Saying stuff like "you're controlling", "you make me feel like shit"...etc. I ALWAYS tell them that I'm alright with them being with others as long as they can assure me that everything is fine. I have explained for hours what they can do to reassure me like: message me telling me when they will be home, that they're alright. Say that they love me...It's quite easy.
They can get really mean sometimes and tell me how worthless I am and that they will leave me any second. They know that this is my biggest insecurity and that I have a strong attachment to them. I have panic attacks more than 4 days/week which consists of shaking, suicidal thoughts, dissociation and extreme headaches. They leave, in the middle of the night hanging with the same person when they know how extremely anxious I get. I only have a problem with their friendship because of how my partner acts when being with this person.
At the end of the day, I am the one to apologise because I'm scared that they will leave. I'm scared they will get angry. While I'm crying my ass off, they mock me or hang up. Which they know is the worst possible thing.
There's so much to tell you all about, our situation is really complicated but I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm in the wrong? If they are? I have a therapist but she has a very busy schedule because of the coronavirus which leads me to not being able to talk to anyone about my struggles for more than 2 weeks.
They can get really mean sometimes and tell me how worthless I am and that they will leave me any second. They know that this is my biggest insecurity and that I have a strong attachment to them. I have panic attacks more than 4 days/week which consists of shaking, suicidal thoughts, dissociation and extreme headaches. They leave, in the middle of the night hanging with the same person when they know how extremely anxious I get. I only have a problem with their friendship because of how my partner acts when being with this person.
At the end of the day, I am the one to apologise because I'm scared that they will leave. I'm scared they will get angry. While I'm crying my ass off, they mock me or hang up. Which they know is the worst possible thing.
There's so much to tell you all about, our situation is really complicated but I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm in the wrong? If they are? I have a therapist but she has a very busy schedule because of the coronavirus which leads me to not being able to talk to anyone about my struggles for more than 2 weeks.