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My partner broke up with me because of depression.

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Mummytonoah15

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Joined
Mar 19, 2019
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My partner of 6 years broke up with me on Tuesday, he said he had been feeling down and that he doesn't know what he wants anymore regarding the relationship, my problem is i have is when im anxious i message him all the time asking if he still wants to be together and stuff and I think when hes depressed he can't process the amount of texts so ending it would be easier for him, he did the same last year went away to his mum for 2 weeks and was put on antidepressants and we got back together but im not sure if this time is final and he needs to find himself and find out what he wants from life. Atm i can't cope, im breaking down all the time and can't eat im trying to stop all contact for 30 days amd give him his space, i should add we have a 3 year old and now due to him going back to his mums he can't see him regularly anymore because hes 2 and a half hours away and doesn't drive so its a struggle atm. Is this a thing people do when they're depressed in relationships? He also said he doesn't feel good enough for me or his son which is rubbish :(
 
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RandersDk

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Dec 29, 2018
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I guess you need to give him a little time. Talk to him, face to face, and be honest about what you feel, and listen to him with an open mind. Be realistic about your expectations to each other, and just be open. Then give each other some time, and think about where you want your relationship to go and if the other person can fulfill these expectations.
 
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Mummytonoah15

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Mar 19, 2019
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I can't talk to him face to face as he live 2 and a half hours away now he moved back with his mum.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Let's start with a hug :hug: Sounds as if you're really having a hard time at the moment.

It's usual in a relationship to go through periods when one partner needs to lean on the other...but these episodes need to be brief for both parties to remain balanced and healthy.

I can empathise with how you're feeling - but equally, I can appreciate that this will be taking its toll on your boyfriend's self esteem. If you are constantly asking him if he wants to be with you, he can only perceive this as some failure on his part that he's not making you feel happy or secure.

You are forcing him to constantly evaluate your relationship - which is stressful for him and provides a constant prompt for negative thinking.

I'm sure he would love to see you happy and feel responsible for creating some of that happiness. Nothing in the world feels better than knowing you are loved, appreciated and having a positive impact on someone's life - constantly questioning his commitment to you is having the opposite effect.

My advice would be to set your own issues aside for a moment and come to his rescue. I'm also in a distance relationship - writing emails that can be read and re-read is great to get important messages across. I would strongly suggest you focus on what is GOOD about him...all the reasons WHY you love him...remember the things he has done or said that made you feel happy - and TELL him. He needs to know what he gets right - and he needs to know he's appreciated.

Look after his self-esteem - make him feel loved and safe.

The best way to take some pressure off of him is to use this forum to talk about your negative feelings. Re-cast yourself as a supportive, nurturing girlfriend who can be strong for him when he needs you. It sounds as if he desperately needs to lean on someone himself - can you be there for him too?

There is reams and reams of quality information on the internet about how to have a healthy and balanced relationship, how to cope with your insecurity, how to manage obsessive thoughts about your partner etc. It would be well worth your time to have a look and become better at managing your insecurities.

The reason we stay with someone is because they are supportive, loving and fun to be around. They also reflect back the best image of yourself and make you feel good.

If you have spiralled into texts demanding relationship evaluation, you're creating anxiety in both of you and a sense of doom about where you are going. Stop the questions, the negative thinking...and focus on being loving. He will respond to you in kind, and you'll start growing together again... instead of growing apart.

Lots of love to you both. You really need each other right now. x
 
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Mummytonoah15

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Joined
Mar 19, 2019
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Location
Grimsby
He wont speak to me atm he said he feels numb to everything and doesn't know what he wants with regards to the relationship, he is going to get help though, he was on citalopram for a year and they have stopped working it appears i don't know what else to do
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Mar 19, 2019
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You don't need to speak ...send him an email/letter that doesn't require a response. Some uplifting lines which tell him he's loved and appreciated. No need to talk about the status of your relationship - he needs time to think and process things alone.

If he has something written from you that demands nothing - just makes him realise how much you care and tells him why he's loved - it can only do you both good.

Send a positive communication - and then give him space. Use the time to focus on yourself and work on understanding the root of your insecurities. Have a mental break from this situation too - don't keep dwelling on it. Go and do something that makes you feel happy and centred.

Good luck, Mummytonoah x
 
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Mummytonoah15

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Joined
Mar 19, 2019
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Grimsby
I have sent him a message to say im here for him should he need me ect.
 
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