My partner broke up with me and disclosed mental health issues as part of reason

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fightorflight

Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2019
Messages
17
Location
New York, USA
#22
Hi Bizzarebitrary (& any others that are reading this thread),

Just figured I'd give an update since it's been about three months since I last posted.

In the beginning of March, I reached my breaking point. As I'd been describing in earlier posts, my ex's inability to communicate, commit, etc was really taking a toll on me and I finally got to the point where it was affecting my day to day functioning. I told him that I needed space to take care of myself, and that until he got well it just felt like no matter what I did it wouldn't be enough. Also that I really hope that he does get help, because no one deserves to feel the way he's feeling and I want him to be well.

He responded saying he completely understands and it's not fair for me to be putting my all into it only to not receive the same energy in return and that that's why he went through with the break up in the first place.

That was the last correspondence we had. It was extremely difficult in the beginning, I'd set short term goals for myself such as "I will not contact him for at least two weeks" and I would constantly be thinking about contacting him, but at the two week point I would extend to a month, a month to a month and a half, etc. The beginning of June it'll be three months with absolutely no contact.

I still think about him, he pops into my head in some capacity on a daily basis, but it's gotten easier. That he hasn't contacted me at all hurts, (my thoughts go to, "Well if I meant that much to him he would have contacted") but honestly it's for the best. He needs to take care of his mental health, and until if/when he does that he can't give me what I need and deserve in a relationship.

I actually took a huge step about 1.5 months ago to reactivate my online dating profiles and I met up with a guy that I was talking to online and we've been dating ever since (about three weeks ago) and so far it's been great! On our second date he openly disclosed that he'd been to therapy after a bad breakup years ago and he still goes from time to time to help work through his anxiety. I can't tell you how refreshing that was to hear, after everything I went through with my ex.

For anyone out there in a situation that was similar to mine, my advice would be to be supportive of your partner/ex-partner and don't jump ship, but when you feel yourself being dragged under the water's surface for longer and longer periods of time to the point of drowning, you need to prioritize yourself and that may mean walking away. Thank you Bizzarebitrary for all of the supportive responses, you helped in ways you'll never know. Positive vibes your way!! :thanks:
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
420
Location
California, US
#23
Hi @fightorflight! I'm very glad you're feeling and doing better and I appreciate you letting us know what happened. It sounds like you're beginning a new chapter and hey... you sound rather confident! Resiliency tested does increase confidence.

Whenever you look back at this journey, I hope you'll feel proud of the way in which you handled yourself, you made some very tough decisions while you were dealing with difficult emotions and anxiety. Next time anxiety flares on account of uncertainty, you have an example which shows however an uncertainty might turn out - you're gonna be okay.

I'm delighted to know my support helped, thank you for letting me know that - positive vibes recieved! :)

I love the advice you give at the end, it honors your efforts to preserve the relationship while also acknowledging there is a boundary beyond which your own health was in jeopardy.

I wish you peace and contentment, hope you'll pop in again for a visit!

- Bizzarebitrary
 

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