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My on/off partner has shown all signs of bipolar, and I need help & advice please

M

Marco1980

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I have been with my partner for 2 years. He is the absolute love of my life and I have willingly endured a lot of stress and heartache because I can't give up being there for him like the majority of people have.

We have spoken very, very briefly about it as his two siblings are both diagnosed and treated with this. He has self harmed. He has pretended to try and commit suicide (of which I took him immediately to hospital in worry). He socially isolates himself in his bedroom - his only real friends are myself and a work colleague. He has manic episodes where he drastically tries to change his image, and has secretly sought out attention on dating and sex apps behind my back. He has tried to trick me by messaging me off fake profiles to see if I would cheat (which I of course wouldn't). He has gone through my phone and social media and messaged friends and my exs to find out as much as he can about it - in the hopes of finding something bad I think to remove his own guilt maybe?? And at times where he's depressed, he will hate how he looks, his weight, and he will go quiet for days where he wants to be alone to contemplate his future and what he wants - the last time being where he said "I'm just not feeling it anymore" over WhatsApp and ended it... to now, weeks later, we've met up and he tells me that he loves me and we have all the physical embracing to go with it, yet still doesn't want to be back in a relationship (which I agreed to be fine with for the moment to make it easier on him).

I don't want to scare him away, but I also know that the places he is seeking this adoration again is in places where men will just use him for their own games and sexual gratification, which I think will make him even more upset and hide within himself further.

Whether he would want to be with me or not in the future, I won't push for. Of course I love him and would love nothing more than a future with him, but I genuinely care about his health more than my own personal desires. I just want him to be safe in himself and receive as much support that he can get... But how is the best way to go about this?

So I'm practically begging here, anyone that has bipolar or anyone who is helping somebody with bipolar, I need to know how to help him. Please
 
Jolly

Jolly

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Welcome. The people in the forum are very supportive and will be able to guide you xx
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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You've mentioned a few things there that sound more like something else than Bipolar. If he has changes of mood, how long do they usually last for?
 
M

Marco1980

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You've mentioned a few things there that sound more like something else than Bipolar. If he has changes of mood, how long do they usually last for?
The usual state is very nonchalant. When he has been depressed, it starts off slow (or possibly that's where he is trying to hide it but it comes out in little worries and questions) and lasts for around a month, maybe slightly longer. I couldn't say I measured the manic times as he definitely worked harder to hide that from me.

Are you thinking BPD or DID?

I feel awful and feel like I'm betraying him talking about these things, but my thinking is that if I can figure out as much as I can, then if I have a window to talk to him where he feels less threatened with as much knowledge to relieve the mammoth burden of seeking help alone without knowing where to start etc.

During our brief conversations on the subject, he has worried saying that he 'can't be' bipolar or have depression as it that affect his work, that people would think less of him, and I suspect he would think less of himself :(
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
I'm so very sorry, none of us can diagnose as we're not qualified to do so.
We can share experiences and offer support.
I'd try getting him to go to his GP then being referred on for a mental health assessment.
Best wishes and hugs.
 
F

Failing Heart

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174
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I have been with my partner for 2 years. He is the absolute love of my life and I have willingly endured a lot of stress and heartache because I can't give up being there for him like the majority of people have.

We have spoken very, very briefly about it as his two siblings are both diagnosed and treated with this. He has self harmed. He has pretended to try and commit suicide (of which I took him immediately to hospital in worry). He socially isolates himself in his bedroom - his only real friends are myself and a work colleague. He has manic episodes where he drastically tries to change his image, and has secretly sought out attention on dating and sex apps behind my back. He has tried to trick me by messaging me off fake profiles to see if I would cheat (which I of course wouldn't). He has gone through my phone and social media and messaged friends and my exs to find out as much as he can about it - in the hopes of finding something bad I think to remove his own guilt maybe?? And at times where he's depressed, he will hate how he looks, his weight, and he will go quiet for days where he wants to be alone to contemplate his future and what he wants - the last time being where he said "I'm just not feeling it anymore" over WhatsApp and ended it... to now, weeks later, we've met up and he tells me that he loves me and we have all the physical embracing to go with it, yet still doesn't want to be back in a relationship (which I agreed to be fine with for the moment to make it easier on him).

I don't want to scare him away, but I also know that the places he is seeking this adoration again is in places where men will just use him for their own games and sexual gratification, which I think will make him even more upset and hide within himself further.

Whether he would want to be with me or not in the future, I won't push for. Of course I love him and would love nothing more than a future with him, but I genuinely care about his health more than my own personal desires. I just want him to be safe in himself and receive as much support that he can get... But how is the best way to go about this?

So I'm practically begging here, anyone that has bipolar or anyone who is helping somebody with bipolar, I need to know how to help him. Please
Sounds like bipolar to me. I tell my bf to dump me and run all the time (not kidding). I’m sure he is a wonderful person but I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy and certainly not on someone that could have a normal healthy relationship (you!). I’m sure this sounds harsh and some people make it work…but not usually. Try being a support and not his girlfriend is my advice. Sorry 😞
 
Amazingly

Amazingly

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I’m not a doctor but honestly this doesn’t sound like bipolar.
Could be borderline but it’s best to ask a professional.
I’m sorry your going through this.
 
S

SFGuy

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Whether he would want to be with me or not in the future, I won't push for. Of course I love him and would love nothing more than a future with him, but I genuinely care about his health more than my own personal desires. I just want him to be safe in himself and receive as much support that he can get... But how is the best way to go about this?

So I'm practically begging here, anyone that has bipolar or anyone who is helping somebody with bipolar, I need to know how to help him. Please
Welcome, Marco.

I'm sorry you're going through this and getting so beaten up emotionally.

I have bipolar disorder and can be a handful when I'm having an episode. For the first time in my decades-long relationship with my husband, I experienced explosive verbal rages during my last episode. That was years ago, and I still feel guilty for it. Fortunately, I'm on better meds and it hasn't happened again.

The best help for anyone who is as ill as your partner is to get him to a psychiatrist for diagnosis and, if warranted, appropriate meds. But he has to be willing unless something drastic happens and he is forced into the hospital.

Despite your love for him and your admirable compassion, please don't get run over by whatever disorder bedevils your partner. His illness can cause illness in you (depression, etc.) if you don't set boundaries and recognize that you aren't responsible to, and can't, fix him.

Your needs matter.
 
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