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My narcissist father is antagonising my depression

M

Msy

Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2020
Messages
19
Location
England
When i was younger, my dad always had affairs, he even had an affair whilst my mother was in hospital with scizophrenia so my brother and i were often at my aunt and uncles at this time.

He has trouble holding a job down, controlling his temper and often stole bill money.

My mum stayed with him because she thought it would ruin mine and my brothers schooling if they split up (absolutely isnt the case and wasnt)
It came to a head one day when i went into my dads room to borrow his comb and found a mobile phone on the side.
I found more texts from yet an other woman. I was 15 at the time and confronted him. He told me if i told my mum he would be done with me.
I told my mum, we packed his stuff together, locked him out and i didnt speak to him for a year and a half.

Eventually we spoke again and he seemed a lot different, fast forward a couple of years and him and his partner were getting on with my mum, my mum was a lot calmer and everything seemed great.

In the last year, i dont know what happened but hes completely gone back to how he was.
My brother ended up not speaking to him and still isnt and my dad thinks its "my business" to fix it for him.
He constantly tells me ive remembered childhood events wrong and hes done "nothing but look after us" he tells me im over sensitive when i tell him hes upset me and cant apologise without a "but" at the end.
Hes begun to constantly bash my mum again, ive recently found out hes told his partner that him and my mother split because of her illness and tells me to my face that "it was so hard leaving your mum but i had to make that decision" when i was the one that helped her pack his bags!

I feel like ive gone insane with it, am i remembering my whole childhood wrong?

I mentioned that i was seeing a councillor and he told me that i should "speak to her about how i take comments the wrong way"

But i dont get upset about what literally anyone else says to me so surely it cant be me right?

Ive recently found out hes publicly spoke about my depression on twitter and saif that he "guides" me through it but thats never been the case and im upset hes publicly done that when he knows i dont like talking about that on the internet (hence this being anonymous)

Im now really worried about it because i dont have a common last name and this is the last thing i need.
Hes even said that my depression is hereditary from my mother but i just dont think thats the whole thing....

I spoke to my counselor about this for a while the other day and she asked me if i knew what a narcissist was and it got me researching and theres multiple examples of him doing every point

Have i got this all wrong? Am i being harsh on him because im having a bad time right now?
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,941
Location
Glasgow
When i was younger, my dad always had affairs, he even had an affair whilst my mother was in hospital with scizophrenia so my brother and i were often at my aunt and uncles at this time.

He has trouble holding a job down, controlling his temper and often stole bill money.

My mum stayed with him because she thought it would ruin mine and my brothers schooling if they split up (absolutely isnt the case and wasnt)
It came to a head one day when i went into my dads room to borrow his comb and found a mobile phone on the side.
I found more texts from yet an other woman. I was 15 at the time and confronted him. He told me if i told my mum he would be done with me.
I told my mum, we packed his stuff together, locked him out and i didnt speak to him for a year and a half.

Eventually we spoke again and he seemed a lot different, fast forward a couple of years and him and his partner were getting on with my mum, my mum was a lot calmer and everything seemed great.

In the last year, i dont know what happened but hes completely gone back to how he was.
My brother ended up not speaking to him and still isnt and my dad thinks its "my business" to fix it for him.
He constantly tells me ive remembered childhood events wrong and hes done "nothing but look after us" he tells me im over sensitive when i tell him hes upset me and cant apologise without a "but" at the end.
Hes begun to constantly bash my mum again, ive recently found out hes told his partner that him and my mother split because of her illness and tells me to my face that "it was so hard leaving your mum but i had to make that decision" when i was the one that helped her pack his bags!

I feel like ive gone insane with it, am i remembering my whole childhood wrong?

I mentioned that i was seeing a councillor and he told me that i should "speak to her about how i take comments the wrong way"

But i dont get upset about what literally anyone else says to me so surely it cant be me right?

Ive recently found out hes publicly spoke about my depression on twitter and saif that he "guides" me through it but thats never been the case and im upset hes publicly done that when he knows i dont like talking about that on the internet (hence this being anonymous)

Im now really worried about it because i dont have a common last name and this is the last thing i need.
Hes even said that my depression is hereditary from my mother but i just dont think thats the whole thing....

I spoke to my counselor about this for a while the other day and she asked me if i knew what a narcissist was and it got me researching and theres multiple examples of him doing every point

Have i got this all wrong? Am i being harsh on him because im having a bad time right now?
Classic narcissist. Do what ever you need to help yourself get better. Dont let others drag you down
 
I

Intareseid

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2020
Messages
182
Location
.
That man may be your biological progenitor but he's most certainly not a father in any meaningful sense of the word.

There's not even much to discuss here, he seems incredibly toxic, self centered and manipulative, you should once again toss him away from your life and never, ever allow him back.

I think it would also be positive if you tried to explore what made/makes you think any of that is even remotely acceptable behavior from someone, so you can hopefully avoid similar people in the future.
 
M

Msy

Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2020
Messages
19
Location
England
That man may be your biological progenitor but he's most certainly not a father in any meaningful sense of the word.

There's not even much to discuss here, he seems incredibly toxic, self centered and manipulative, you should once again toss him away from your life and never, ever allow him back.

I think it would also be positive if you tried to explore what made/makes you think any of that is even remotely acceptable behavior from someone, so you can hopefully avoid similar people in the future.
Thats a really good point.
I need to just cut him out now. Im a bit scared about his reaction after his reaction when my brother did it but i suppose it would be a short term stress for a long term gain at this point.

I think i think its acceptable because i knew him to be like that when i was younger. I think i only started to feel like something was a miss when i started having people in my life that werent like this and didnt treat me this way
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
465
I would concentrate on what he does that affect you. Labels are just labels and can have dismissive nature them.
 
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