My mum has bipolar

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Bird92

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Mar 14, 2019
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#1
Hello I’m new here, I’m 26yrs old and my mother has had bipolar since she was a teen so I’ve experienced her illness my whole life, from her going completely psychotic to deeply depressed and being in and out of mental health units.
I have recently got my own home, I have a 6year old daughter and am currently 31weeks pregnant. I still see my mum on a daily basis and help with cleaning, cooking, shopping, appointments ect... I’ve always been very supportive of her. However one of the problems I’m having is that she kicks off when I want to go home and guilt trips me into staying at her house, she doesn’t manage her money well so then she lives off me, which to be quite honest with I can’t afford to do, when I mention it she gets angry with me and throws in my face how she brought me up, but I then struggle to pay my own bills and do what I need to do because she thinks she’s entitled to every penny I get. At the moment she isn’t well, which is very stressful for me being so heavily pregnant. With all the cut backs to the NHS I’m finding it difficult to get any support and just don’t know what to do anymore. I’d never cut her off, but I don’t know what to do about her being so possessive and controlling over me as well as her spending all my money. I have a partner, we don’t live together as of yet and all she does is put him down when he tries to help me as much as he can. Sorry for the long post and moaning, I just don’t know where to turn to anymore ☹️
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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#2
hello and welcome Bird92 gee what is it with mothers :eek2:

However one of the problems I’m having is that she kicks off when I want to go home and guilt trips me into staying at her house, she doesn’t manage her money well so then she lives off me,
ok so in a word boundaries is what you need to start doing and self care. your mother sounds very immature going on the behaviour you mention.

now this will be hard going is there anyone that you can talk to you that could give you some moral support maybe?

as well as self educating books on perscription in the library maybe. there is loads of stuff on the net regarding being assertive. maybe start a journal of what is happening what your thoughts are that is what i do and its helping me so much.

have you ever read a book called i am ok you are ok...anyway have just found this
TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS (TA) | Crowe Associates
the key to your relationship with your mother is this!!! along with as i said earlier with self education in what i call personal development which is what this clip is


i really feel for you and i wish i could help you irl. anyway the best thing is to break it down into bite size things. maybe start to put some plans in place around the area of leaving your mothers house
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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#4
just watching this and i have learnt something. anyway have a look at other simialar videos if this is not suitable i find i often check out a few briefly before i watch something
 
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Bird92

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#5
just watching this and i have learnt something. anyway have a look at other simialar videos if this is not suitable i find i often check out a few briefly before i watch something
Thank you for your replies blacksmoke, in my free time I will have a look at some books I can read and watch some YouTube videos. It just feels like the possessive and nasty behaviour is never going to end and that I can’t escape it at the moment as it’s gone on for years now, it’s emotionally draining.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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#6
you would need to have counselling i know that i do for a similar situation. however your situation sounds very toxic. and this will take time to change in the meantime keep reading and watching stuff as it does help to start to change your thinking and response to others. but like i said it takes time.
 
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Bird92

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#9
Hi blacksmoke, sorry it’s taken ages for me to reply. I’m only just getting round to reading all this now. Things have been very hard, my mum doesn’t give me a minutes peace, feeling very dragged down. Thank you for your replies and help, very much appreciated