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My Mum doesn't take no for an answer and wont leave me alone!

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Gamergirl85

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Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
48
Location
Wales
Hello I'm seeking some ideas if anyone has any on dealing with my Narcissistic Mother! I do apologise for my long post and not so good paragraph etc. I will appreciate any help.

I'm in my 30s and since I havent spoke to my mum this year people in work etc can see I'm more confident and stronger than ive ever been. For the new year I went up my cousins in a different country on my own.

My mum I do love her it is hard though the way she bullies me and verbally abused me. She does this to other people if she doesnt get her own way! She is a drinker too I wouldnt say alcoholic cos she can have days off!

An example would be. One march was mothers day and also mum and dads anniversary and my brothers birthday. I said to her well what if I come up one weekend and then the next you can come up for whichever occasion to mine and I'll make dinner. Seems fair? Nope she shouting and swearing hurling abuse at me down the phone! If I dont go up for any occasions she'd go nutd. Even if it's my bday. I'd have to go there..

My dad had passed away in october. We had quite a few arguments since then and I wanted to stop talking to her. But my auntie made me try again for Christmas which I did . I gave mum another chance. And she opened her mouth again . On my late dads birthday at christmas time. Cos she wanted me to stay on Christmas . But I said I cannot wake up there christmas morning and my dad not being there. I cannot even believe I had to explain this to her. I though then she understood until as day after Christmas she had a go at me saying I dont love her and dont care etc shouting at me.
I havent spoken to her since.

When I went to my cousins for new year, she found out. She went ballistic and his answer phone got abuse. Rather than say oh good for you you had the confidence to go hope you have a good time. Nope none of that. She never praises me for anything good that I do.
My mum tried to get my auntie to tell me that it was the kind of new tablets that's she was on making her go mad. But I dont think so as she has always been like it especially since she started drinking.

On that note another reason why I dont speak to her. Is cos of she blames my ex (i left him almost 10 yr ago mind!) For her drinking. Cos he was a bit of a drinker yeah but obviously didnt shove any down her throat . And funny how I'm not an alcoholic! I very rarely drink. She cannot get him out of her mind. She blames him and me In a way for my dad dying.. she blames him for taking money out of her bank card as well. I dont think so cos I was with him most of the time ( I'd let him deal with the paying etc cos of my anxiety) when he went shopping for them. Either me or my dad was anyway. And it was my dad buying scratchcards now and then with it as my dad would only get £20 out of HIS pension the rest went to mum. But she still blames my ex.
It's like he was her boyfriend not mine???
When she goes on about him it makes me feel guilty cos I let him into the family if you get what I mean.
I wish she would stop for her own peace of mind.
All this if it was a boyfriend doing it to me would be classed as domestic verbal abuse!

I've got her blocked on my phone and on facebook as she was putting posts on there about me that you wouldnt believe. Even with very unflattering photos of me attached.

9 months on of not speaking to her I thought she would have changed? If you get what I mean.
She still rings my phone ( it still comes up on my call log) even though it auto rejects. She has even started to ring my place of work. Luckily they are understanding. And I had already warned them in advance that she might do. She rang them again yesterday. I More persistent this time. I wasnt in anyway.

I go to work to get away from stress etc . How dare she invade it.
For the passed 5 yrs I've lived on my own I've barely ever needed my mum or my bro for anything. My brother is almost as bad as her. She had quite a few weeks off without drink as she was in hospital. My brother thinks it's alright for her to drink now and then. Which I think is wrong.
I do send them bday cards etc so havent totally blocked them off. And also I did send her email ( couldn't send a letter at the time cos of full lockdown) to tell her how I feel etc . But obviously it hasnt worked.
It wasnt long ago she thought i was back with my ex lol . She probably still thinks I am. Not a chance since he got into drugs recently!
Theres loads more I could tell. . . I was hoping I wouldnt go so long without talking to her. But still being possessive phoning me in work etc , not an emergency. She hasnt changed! Dont want to have to get a restraining order on her.
I'm hoping someone will have some great ideas in what I could do. Or if they have been through something similar? . I'm not holding on for much hope though!
Thank you I'm sorry it was such a long read xx
 
B

bpd2020

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I am so sorry to hear how your mum treats you. I think you did the right thing by not talking to her. She has proven she will never change. It is all very well for people to say we should talk to family but if they make us unwell then we need to stay away.

I did not talk to my mum for 6 years. We got back in touch and I could see she had not changed. I told her I was unable to have her in my life any more and then I changed my phone number.

It is wonderful to hear your confidence has grown and you were able to travel alone. Keep toxic family out of your life and you will continue to progress.
 
G

Gamergirl85

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
48
Location
Wales
Hello 🙂
Awww thank you.
Yep cos they are family doesn't mean they are good people.

I'm sorry to hear you havent got a relationship with your mum. I bet you're like me and wish youd had a nice mum you can confide in.

Cos of the stress I had developed adult onset asthma in January. I'm having to take steroid inhaler twice a day and take blue one when needed. I also suffer from anxiety and depression.
Even though shes blocked on my phone it still comes up.on my call log that's shes rung and makes me feel anxious.
Someone suggested to me I should email her tell her to stop phoning me at work. But that's what she wants a reply or to hear off me isnt it?

Is your mum as persistent as mine like phoning your works or getting others to ring you? Mine even made a fake fb account and tried to add me. I knew it was her straight away. So I blocked that account as well.

Can I ask..
What do you think about if she ended up in hospital or she hasnt got long to live?
I can only imagine peoples thoughts with me like only there for the money or I didnt care before etc. Or would you not go?

Do you send her cards just to show you still think of her sort of thing?

Thanks again 😁
 
B

bpd2020

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I would love to have family but I have accepted that will never happen now. No, my mum would never bother to contact me. She does not care enough.

Do you think it may help to change your phone number and email address? I did that and I feel so free now.

it is a hard one if they were to be unwell or dying. I personally would still not see my mum. It would just make me confused and upset. I would just grieve privately. In a way I am already grieving. I am grieving for the parents I never had. No I do not send cards. I do not want any contact or reminders.

I am so sorry you have asthma due to the stress.
 
G

Gamergirl85

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Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
48
Location
Wales
I got you. Slightly a different situation to me then. Yeah I get the grieve privately thing.
My family is totally the opposite they got to all go to the grave on fathers day etc.
Not sure if I could cut them off altogether I dont think my dad would approve of that really. But I think he can see I'm.doing things for the best . Yeah I should get a new number . But im not sure if I'd trust my auntie with it for emergencies. Not that she phones me much anyway 🙄
 
B

bpd2020

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Everybody is different and you have to do what you feel is right. Just know, your well being should always be your priority.
 
G

Gamergirl85

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
48
Location
Wales
Oh yes no one else looks after that . Only me 🙂
 
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