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My mother is a vegetable

C

claude

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Thinking of you Poopy. I can't imagine how complicated and difficult this time must be for you. I hope you are coping ok and getting good support
 
vanish

vanish

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So sorry to hear about this Poopy. I am thinking of you.
 
Kerome

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Sending you and your mum good wishes and metta...

:hug:
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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What's metta, Kerome ?? Well, here's the update. My mother passed last night at 11:33 PM. My son called me this morning to send me a fax. I had to sign for the cremation. I sent the paper back.

Now I find out that my sister wants to sit by the body at the funeral home which will cost $7000 for three days. My son cannot access that kind of money from my mothers accounts. My sister doesn't have the money. But she thinks my son could get it. I don't know if my sister will start yelling at me again. But basically I authorized them to proceed without her input. I am not there and she is, so she may feel she had more of a right to hold things up and demand to sit with the body. My mother made my son in charge of everything legally, not my sister. My Grandfather use to say, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy".

You know, in the good old days, they would just lay Grandma out on the couch in the living room and all the relations would come to the house to pay their respects. Seven thousand dollars to sit with the deceased is really insane.
 
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Poopy Doll

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My girlfriend H explained to me that my son does have access to my mother's money. But he thinks seven grand to sit with a body for three days is a selfish request, just for my sister. It's a lot of money and my mother wouldn't have agreed to this. Anyways, it's my son's decision. I'm just worried that she'll see the paperwork I signed and I'm expecting an angry phone call. She's a screamer and a guilt tripper. I can't even think about my mother because all I'm thinking about is my sister yelling at me.
 
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LORD BURT

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I agree with you Poopy about this 7 grand thing. It seems an awful waste.
 
Mayflower7

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Hi Poopydoll,
I'm sorry for your loss, thinking of you at this difficult time.
Take care
 
blacksmoke

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What's metta, Kerome ?? Well, here's the update. My mother passed last night at 11:33 PM. My son called me this morning to send me a fax. I had to sign for the cremation. I sent the paper back.

Now I find out that my sister wants to sit by the body at the funeral home which will cost $7000 for three days. My son cannot access that kind of money from my mothers accounts. My sister doesn't have the money. But she thinks my son could get it. I don't know if my sister will start yelling at me again. But basically I authorized them to proceed without her input. I am not there and she is, so she may feel she had more of a right to hold things up and demand to sit with the body. My mother made my son in charge of everything legally, not my sister. My Grandfather use to say, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy".

You know, in the good old days, they would just lay Grandma out on the couch in the living room and all the relations would come to the house to pay their respects. Seven thousand dollars to sit with the deceased is really insane.
My girlfriend H explained to me that my son does have access to my mother's money. But he thinks seven grand to sit with a body for three days is a selfish request, just for my sister. It's a lot of money and my mother wouldn't have agreed to this. Anyways, it's my son's decision. I'm just worried that she'll see the paperwork I signed and I'm expecting an angry phone call. She's a screamer and a guilt tripper. I can't even think about my mother because all I'm thinking about is my sister yelling at me.
Gee that is so crazy ok then if your sis wants to do that then she should pay for it no if or buts. That’s just a bit creepy. Money is for the folk left behind what good will that do other than increase the grief.

Has she even asked you and your son? Seriously though I woiuld just focus on the legal stuff and anything else then your sister must foot that expense. Sounds like she has a guilt complex maybe and folk do all kinds of weird stuff when there is guilt/regret in the background.

Your sister can shout at you all you like and maybe that is what she will do but she has no legal claim over whether you pay money to do this.

Legally don’t know what you can do to prevent this crazy thing. Maybe leave the phone on answer machine only and text and email instead. Or have a third party to step in.
its unreasonable cost is how i would see it which is why i say fine if she wants that then she MUST pay for it. sounds like a control freak to me
 
mami5

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Sorry for your loss Poppy :hug:

Last thing you need now is agro off your sister, you should be pulling together as a family to support each other.

Thinking of you, take care :hug:
 
Poopy Doll

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Sorry for your loss Poppy :hug:

Last thing you need now is agro off your sister, you should be pulling together as a family to support each other.

Thinking of you, take care :hug:
You're so right, Mami, that we should be pulling together. But instead, my sister and son had a huge fight. She had one of her nuclear meltdowns. She was so hysterical that the funeral home director said she could stay with mom's body for only $500; day and night at the funeral home. So my sister got what she wanted. They rewarded bad behavior. She made them drop down from $7000 to $500. Unbelievable. But not before many horrible things were said.

My son emailed me an Authorization for Cremation as an attachment which I printed, signed and faxed back. Now my sister thinks I did something against her while my son says I merely affirmed my mother's last wishes. I can't fucking sleep.
 
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C

claude

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So sorry for your loss Poopy and for how difficult it all is with your sister, as if grief wasn't hard enough. Thinking of you and sending love
 
mami5

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Thinking of you during this difficult time Poopy :hug:

Hope things have settled down a bit with your sister.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Thinking of you during this difficult time Poopy :hug:

Hope things have settled down a bit with your sister.
Thank you, Mami. I know you are familiar with the wiles of the mind. My sister's mind keeps repeating the unkind things my son said to her. And she wants my support. She pushes me to take her side against my own son, which I won't do. Instead, it is a real matter of diplomacy on my part. A lot of reflective comments on my part, mirroring her pain. Today it was an hour on the phone. I am hoping she will settle down now.

My son seems to be fine. I have heard his side, his story of the fight. I have heard my sister's. They both behaved badly as far as I'm concerned.

I wonder if my deceased mother, who had just died before the fight broke out, was hovering around the room and saw/heard all of this ???

Take good care of yourself, Mami. :)
 
Poopy Doll

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PS Mami, my sister has no regard for me being a mental health patient. She yells about how she feels. I am so afraid of becoming overwhelmed but today I stayed empathetic and it worked.
 
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