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My Mother Doesn't Want Me In Her Life

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SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
4,335
Location
The couch
My Mother and I have not been around each other for about 7 years now.There's a long story that goes along with why,but the short version is we had a falling out,I said some things(in a letter) that I'm sure really hurt and upset her,and we have not been in each others lives since then.

There have been the occasional phone calls here and there,probably 4 altogether in these 7 years,the latest one was around Mothers Day,I sent her a card,told her I love her and miss her,she called and thanked me for sending it.The past few years we have sent each other birthday and Christmas cards too.But that's about it,other than that we don't have a relationship at all.

I have really been thinking about all of this since she called to thank me for the Mothers Day card.She didn't tell me she would like to see me,didn't invite me over or anything,our conversation was the same as talking to a casual acquaintance,just proper and polite.Like when you talk to someone you know through someone else,or have met once or twice and see them and do the "hi,how ya doin'" thing.

It has made me realize she simply doesn't want me in her life and she's fine with our relationship the way it is.I'm a mother and there's no way I would ever go 7 years without being around my kids.I would do everything in my power to work things out with them,even if we ended up arguing,and we would argue it out until something is resolved.I feel like if she wanted me in her life she would tell me so,would say she wants to work things out,get together and talk,something,anything,but she hasn't.

We live fairly close to each other too,about a 10-15 minute drive,it's not like we live on opposite ends of the U.S.I could go to her house,tell her we need to talk but I am not going to do that and take a chance on being rejected by her.I have spent my life feeling rejected by her,trying to win her love,I will not put myself through that.

I suppose I shouldn't let it get to me and just accept things as they are.She has never really been a mother my entire life anyway.She has a new life,a new husband,new kids and grandkids that she's sharing her life with,she's happy,maybe I should be happy for her,it's hard to though because it hurts me.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this,maybe I would just like my feelings validated or hear other similar stories to know I'm not the only one.
 
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nijinski

Member
Joined
May 26, 2017
Messages
7
unfortunately your not on your own with this problem. Ky mother only wanted me around to pay towards living at home even when i was unemployed where as the rest of my siblings lived there free of charge and when i moved in to a flat with my girlfriend now my wife she disowned me. i wae blamed for everything by her and she would always take the piss out of me.what you've got is a lot better than you know
 
regularwitch23

regularwitch23

Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
7
Location
Texas
I'm sorry you feel this way towards your mother.
I understand completely as I am currently living with my parents and they BOTH want nothing to do with me.its hurtful but in the end, I don't mind things being like that. Sometimes you have to separate yourself from toxic people :( and unfortunately sometimes yourfamily can be the most toxic :( I do hope things get better for you tho <3
 
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Stormcloud

Former member
I fell out with my mum too then she died 6 months later, I felt and still do feel guilty that we fell out, It's been almost 5 years.
 
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SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
4,335
Location
The couch
unfortunately your not on your own with this problem. Ky mother only wanted me around to pay towards living at home even when i was unemployed where as the rest of my siblings lived there free of charge and when i moved in to a flat with my girlfriend now my wife she disowned me. i wae blamed for everything by her and she would always take the piss out of me.what you've got is a lot better than you know

I'm sorry that your mother did this to you and disowned you.That must be hard.My mother always blamed me for everything too,along with everyone else in my family,I was always the scapegoat.

I'm sorry you feel this way towards your mother.
I understand completely as I am currently living with my parents and they BOTH want nothing to do with me.its hurtful but in the end, I don't mind things being like that. Sometimes you have to separate yourself from toxic people :( and unfortunately sometimes yourfamily can be the most toxic :( I do hope things get better for you tho <3

Sorry that you understand.I agree that sometimes uou have to separate yourself from toxic people,that's exactly why I don't have anyone from my family of origin in my life.

I think what hurts most is having to accept she doesn't want me in HER life,more so than her not being in my life,if that makes sense.


I fell out with my mum too then she died 6 months later, I felt and still do feel guilty that we fell out, It's been almost 5 years.

I'm sorry for your loss,and I understand how that feels.My Dad died and I was left with so many unresolved issues,and I felt guilty for quite a few years.He's been gone 8 years.
 
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nijinski

Member
Joined
May 26, 2017
Messages
7
both my parents have died years ago. i dont feel any guilt tho because i never turned my back on her, i always tried to get into her good books when she was alive but got nowhere. she was always fond and proud of my older sister. i didnt stand a chance. i didnt see things clearly till long after she died.and then anger set in. I'm still angry and hurt today for what she's done to me
 
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nightmare57

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 12, 2016
Messages
617
I haven't spoken to my mother verbally in nearly 10 years, we periodically write each other messages through facebook but as far as a relationship goes we don't have one. She was a rubbish monther and after one of her beatings put my sister in hospital we both got taken into care when I was 9 (sister 10). She never kept to her visitation commitments and from 9 to 18 I hardly saw her, then some brief contact until we fell out. I never had a connection with her. I remember my first days in care and I would cry myself to sleep, it was not over missing my mother but I missed my primary school teacher because that woman was the only person to show me love and compassion.
 
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