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My mother and her issues....what could they be?

A

alpaca200

New member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
1
Hi all, first thanks for providing this resource to the folks out there. Really appreciate your advice here, if you don't mind reading the somewhat long entry.

For as long as I can recall (I am in my early 20s now), my mother (in her early 50s) has had psychological issues that I would consider to be severe but that have gone untreated and undiagnosed. We (myself and my dad and sibling) have no clue what disorder she actually would be labeled as, but her bizarre behavior we recall from years raising us has made it quite evident that her behavior is not normal. Now that I am old enough, and I am not under her influence in the way I was when younger, I feel something must be done about her destructive behavior, for my dad's sake since he continues to stay in the marriage and refuses to do anything about her condition. He has tried in the past to get her help but she goes into fits of rage if that topic is even mentioned. So, he's powerless; we all feel we are in this situation. It's extremely delicate, especially since it's our mother we are talking about here. How can you get help for an individual who doesn't want help? It's not even the kind of obvious psychotic behavior that would get one committed - her abnormality is very variable and inconsistent. She'll never voluntarily get herself evaluation, because she believes herself to be perfectly normal, which is in itself a huge concern.

Among what we notice are:
-she is extremely misanthropic - she frequently goes on diatribes about the people she hates. She hates all in the world - hates those on the television, hates any friends we mention to her, is critical of everyone in our lives aside from our immediate family - is even harsh about her own sisters and brothers. She has no relationships aside from us - not one single friend. And frankly, I distance myself from her quite a lot, so that relationship isn't a strong one either. There is no emotion in her. She is a mother of two, yet there is no love or attachment or affection for her own children.

-at times she acts like a child - like a giddy little girl. Sometimes her expression changes in bizarre ways. She sometimes talks to herself or mouths things to herself.

-she is extremely controlling - she must have what she wants at the moment she wants it. She is jealous of any time or experiences we share with others outside of the family. If she doesn't have control over the situation, she goes ballistic, goes into a fit of rage and has many times become violent. I have a seen a look in her eyes that is, quite frankly, terrifying. So, she is an incredibly destructive personality. Not only does she have no one, but she wants that same fate for her husband and children!

-she has no goals or hope or any sense of excitement in life. She has no job; she depends on my dad's income entirely to sustain herself, and yet she has no sense of appreciation for him. She berates him constantly for not doing more. She spends literally 12-14 hours of the day in front of the television watching old movies. If you attempt to change the channel, all bets are off and she has become extremely enraged many times. She is quite happy in her isolation with nothing but her tv set to keep her company. There is no connection between she and the outside world. In any case, she could not survive in the outside world beyond her house and her living room.

On the flip side, these more blatant issues with her personality almost seem to disappear at times, and she takes on a more normal personality, say, if over the phone or if there is a guest in our house. But the same scary aspects of her personality emerge soon after - the hatefulness, the scorn, the lack of reason and judgment. In other words, she could pass for normal by someone who hasn't spent much time with her. This is my mother I am talking about her here - but I truly sense there is this evil in her, and it's got to be manifest by a mental condition. I just don't know what it is!

Could someone advise on this? After years of not knowing, I really want to know, and really want to do something about it.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
I sympathise with you. If she doesn't feel a need to get an assessment then no one can make her unless she is serious risk to herself or others. It doesn't sound like she is from what you have written. If she is unlikely to change the rest of the family need to think about themselves and look after themselves.
Sorry I can't think of what to suggest.
 
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