My most challenging depression

Q

Quasar77

Member
Joined
May 24, 2018
Messages
19
#1
I'm struggling with some of the worst depression I've had in a very long time. Due to a number of difficult circumstances compounding on my already difficult mental illness
I try very hard to take my thoughts off it. I don't want to suffer this wretched malady forever
I try to think well although I'm seeing life in colour literally speaking that it is grey metaphorically. And I'm trying to change the viewing channel on the world I see around me. But my heart is actually sinking very deep in this despair.

I know that countless have walked this path before me and have got through so I have hope. I reckon that maybe I'm nearer than I think to total recovery but frankly feeling as rough and despairing as I do now makes me believe that it isn't near

I think I feel depressed only because I'm annoyed that I am out of synch. Out of phase so to speak with the more active life that I should be in. I ought not to be seeing a psychiatrist and regret being under consultants for decades. In my case depression seems to have been caused out of the mutual misunderstanding between me and the professional services. So an effect of vicious circle logistics

I've thought through it. The fact that problems overwhelm me and I feel low is no reason why the intuitively natural feeling to be pessimistic should result. I believe Depression CAN be beaten. After so many decades of mental illness it is difficult to be patient because it gets me even more down if results aren't forthcoming more quickly

To keep things brief. I have hope. Just wanted to say that. Hope when I feel very down indeed. I've got to cling on to that.
 
antimatterTek

antimatterTek

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
82
Location
USA
#2
I am routing for you.

As for professional help, you have to look at it like dating. I had been through numerous docs before I found the one I trust now.

I don't want to cause any undo stress, but if you are diagnosed with depression, there is no beating it - there is only management of symptoms - that is why the docs have their place with placing you on the right meds and making you feel as good as you can.

It will not last - this episode you are dealing with. It can't be beaten, but you can put the dragon to sleep for awhile. Depression can knock anyone off their game. How could it not?

Find hope in getting on a good regiment. A structure to your day is almost essential for battling depression. I have a list of about 10 things I do every morning. They are baby steps, but just being able to cross of tasks at the beginning of the day can do wonders for your self esteem.
 
Q

Quasar77

Member
Joined
May 24, 2018
Messages
19
#3
Thankyou antimatterTek
I greatly appreciate those words. I have not been diagnosed with depression although that is sometimes a symptom. I have schizo affective disorder manic type. I found that the other day listening to a few seconds of a favourite piece of music did lift me greatly. I'm hoping to get much much more exercise and thinking well nothing to stop me walking a mile a day at least. Suddenly boosted with new enthusiasm and willingness to be far more disciplined. Even though I thought I was before it seems that I applied too much dramatic energy into a direction which did not connect enough with the world around me. In other words like running on the spot so that the lack of genuine distance covered was effectively zero! The Gp offered me stronger dosage of antidepressants avd advised me to consider cbt. The latter would seem most sensible. As for increasing the medicine I fear the side effects. So I think the best thing really is to use my vast new determination to do much more walking. I've started singing old sixties and seventies songs at a group and what I really hope is that the difficulty with flexibility such as inability with getting talking therapy and other opportunities that I mentioned on another thread will increase if I am patient and do things in the way that seems healthiest in the eyes of those that are in charge. I mean this with no sardonic attitude at all. I really mean that. I try be sing over backwards and only then do I really realise that despite trying very very hard that I have blundered so many times. I hope that in the long run to achieve the best. I'm eccentric in the way I do things which can yield results even if the team that takes care of me doesn't always believe me.

Right now feeling so much better
A simple phrase. It's true. And I'm trying to keep things simple when I explain then to professionals too so they won't misconstrue

The more successful tomorrows follow the less successful yesterdays. Things really do get better
 
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