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My misdiagnosis

Pasztecik

Pasztecik

Member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Poland
I'm a shy, introverted person that's happiest when alone. If it is nurture and not nature, I guess my personality was shaped by the fact that I live in a village. Zero friends, no one to talk to, no social life at all, weekdays end at 6:30 pm when the last bus leaves the town, on Sat at 4 pm and there's nothing on Sun. I had to adapt to this and not enjoy social gatherings. I'd go to school, then home and spend the rest of the day by myself, reading books and watching tv.

I'm also a teacher and I question my decision so often, not just bc kids these days are so disrespectful and awful. I have to basically perform in front of an audience that's not really engaged, entertain them and constantly meet new people, talk to them and what's even worse, talk to them on the phone. I wish I could just leave everything and move into a tiny cottage in the woods, far away from people and never have to introduce myself again. My surname means a loaf of bread, years of bullying that gave me.

I don't wear make-up and dress casually. I look younger than my age and changing those things might have helped, but I don't want to attract attention.

I also never flirt with anyone. I guess it's the combination of my looking younger, my lack fo sexy clothes and make-up that discourages any men from approaching me, except for creeps.

When I feel a strong emotion, it's hard to stop it. Like, my parcel was damaged yesterday and I'll be sad about it for a week, no matter if sth nice happens. I also hide my emotions from other people, it's super rare for me to cry in public and when sb offends me, I try to remain calm.

I try to maintain some distance and not be overly friendly. I almost always use the formal 'you' when talking to sb new, unless they look really young. I'm ok with not having friends and when I speak to colleagues, I know it's just a casual chat and not the start of a friendship.

So you can guess my 'diagnosis': histrionic personality disorder!

Almost 2 years ago my mother locked me in a mental hospital bc she thinks I'm mentally ill, delusional and anorexic and god knows what else. In the past I made the mistake of going there myself after a suicide attempt, so I looked suspicious when my mother said all those lies or twisted certain things, like I didn't go out in 3 weeks (again, the village, nothing to do) and kept my blinds down all the time (very sunny room). Sure it sounds like I'm crazy. She called paramedics, they threatened me with the police and the straight jacket unless I went with them to the hospital for a chat with the psychologist. I shouldn't have agreed. She said she would've let me go if a family member came for me. My mother told her on the phone the worst things, it was an evening and I was imprisoned there for 3 weeks without one day. Again, I was threatened, they said if I don't agree to treatment, it will be worse. Before it happened, I wasn't in a frame of mind to take my own life, it made me so incredibly angry with my parents.

I had one conversation with a psychiatrist, who was almost openly hostile to me. When I was talking about my parents and called myself their child, she snapped at me, saying that I'm no child, I should grow up finally and there were many more examples of this attitude.

The psychologist came to me maybe 5-6 times. I talked to her about my very understandable anger towards my mother and to show how unreliable she was, I told her about the abuse I suffered from this woman and mentioned things that, in my opinion, suggest my mother is the crazy one. I wasn't crying a lot, didn't say very dramatic things or used dramatic words.

To get out of there, I figured I had to make them feel like they won, so I took the blame for everything, said what I learned and so on. Before I was released, those two and I had a chat and they told me the diagnosis. I never heard of this disorder and they vaguely said sth about difficulty making friends, like for whom it's easy these days, but ok. They also said I was being dramatic and theatrical. Maybe, maybe it was a normal reaction to a very distressing situation, but what do I, a layman, know.

Imagine my shock when I did some research. There are 8 symptoms criteria and at last 5 are required for the diagnosis. I didn't have any of the symptoms. It'd kill me to be in the centre of attention for longer than an hour, I'm the last person who could be accused of being sexually provocative. I would never cheat on my non-existing boyfriend and I'm not very suggestible. I'm even more offended by this 'diagnosis' bc it's a child of hysteria, hence the name. In the past, they believed a uterus can dry up and move up to the throat to seek humidity and that's why women go crazy. I'm triggered bc I've got a double uterus, so I guess I'm twice as crazy.

I went back to the psychologist afterwards with my parents bc I was so angry with them I wanted to tell them everything that they had done to me, how that affected me and how their lack of care let others abuse me. Waste of time, they have zero remorse, but my mother said openly she thinks I deceived 2 psychologists and 1 psychiatric and hid my mental illness. The psychologist said I just have a personality disorder, not an illness. It made me angry. Dude, I'm out already, you can stop pretending that was a proper diagnosis. It was just sth they needed to put in the documents to make sure all the money the state gave them for my 'treatment' was well spent, on nothing.

I know this diagnosis is crap, but others who will see my papers won't. Also, it's so outrageous that I was diagnosed with it, in their opinion I had one, maybe two symptoms. Five are required! They could see me in my loose clothes, bare-faced, bland, staying away from men and thought, yeah, that's the sexy attention-seeker right there!

Let's just stop pretending this field attracts people who want to help, it attracts psychopaths who crave the ultimate control and will disregard clear rules to torment patients. I'm so angry. The nurse said they diagnose people with schizophrenia when they don't know what's wrong. Had I mentioned my self-destructive behaviour, I'd have got borderline, for sure.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
3,248
Location
Nashua NH
I’m very sorry that this happened to you. A similar thing has happened to me at least once in the past also. I think many other people have a similar experience also where family is well intentioned but naiive, hospitals aren’t the helpful places they are supposed to be and more harm than help happens in the process. It isn’t always this way but it happens often enough I know so please don’t feel alone in what you have been through. I think this sort of thing happens a lot. :hug:
 
B

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,833
Location
England
What a truly terrible experience you have had. I am so so sorry. I cannot believe the therapist gave you such an opposite diagnosis to who you really are! It is almost like they listened to your mother and ignored everything you said. It is just so wrong. They did not even give you therapy. Therapy is were you can speak openly without judgement but they just judged you. Is there anyway you can make a complaint about this? It is so unfair you had to go through this. I am sorry.
 
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