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My mental state

KazuMuramasa

KazuMuramasa

New member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
4
Location
England
For a long time (ever since i was around 12) I’ve always known I think differently from everyone else but I still don’t know if i have a condition or what it is if i have one. I have a strong desire to help and save people but i also have bloodlust, I’ve never done anything since thankfully I’ve got really good control over myself but sometimes during the day or when I’m trying to sleep i have a desire to kill and can’t concentrate, my morals are probably off aswell since I don’t have any problem with killing someone as long as there’s a good reason for it and have no problem with throwing my own life away as long as there’s a good reason for that too. Socially I’m good at pretending/ acting so I can make myself come of as an extrovert despite being introverted and I’m good at doing this to help hide what i truly feel and act like. None of my family still have realised i feel like this and I doubt they ever will, I tried mentioning it once but i was basically scolded for talking about that because it’s offensive to people who truly think that way.

I know this is incredibly long but if anyone can offer just any advice or help it would mean a great deal. I tried to explain my mental state as best as I could so if anyone has heard of what this is or anything please let me know. Thanks
 
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JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,892
Location
Nashua NH
Hello Kazu, welcome to the forums. I’m not sure what these thoughts and feelings would be classified as or how they would be treated. My guess is that as long as you have a handle on them and are managing well they should not be too problematic. If it starts to get to a place where you fear you might act on these feelings it’s important to let someone, like a crisis counselor, know that you are having these feelings. In the meantime if you would like to talk with someone more about the thoughts you are having you might reach out to a therapist. They may be able to give you skills or work with you to help moderate these thoughts so they are not troubling you so much anymore. I hope this is helpful. xo, j
 
KazuMuramasa

KazuMuramasa

New member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
4
Location
England
Hello Kazu, welcome to the forums. I’m not sure what these thoughts and feelings would be classified as or how they would be treated. My guess is that as long as you have a handle on them and are managing well they should not be too problematic. If it starts to get to a place where you fear you might act on these feelings it’s important to let someone, like a crisis counselor, know that you are having these feelings. In the meantime if you would like to talk with someone more about the thoughts you are having you might reach out to a therapist. They may be able to give you skills or work with you to help moderate these thoughts so they are not troubling you so much anymore. I hope this is helpful. xo, j
Yeah thanks a lot, i'm just currently trying to put a label on what this is called if there even is one
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
720
Location
US
Yeah thanks a lot, i'm just currently trying to put a label on what this is called if there even is one
Yeah, as JessIsMe said, it sounds like the feelings are troublesome for you, so are you able to reach out to a therapist? Even a virtual appt can be helpful figure out our diagnosis. If you do have any "condition" at least it will point in the right direction as far as treatment goes. Do you feel you can reach out for professional help? I'm sure it helps to just vent here as well, to people who hear you.
 
KazuMuramasa

KazuMuramasa

New member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
4
Location
England
Yeah, as JessIsMe said, it sounds like the feelings are troublesome for you, so are you able to reach out to a therapist? Even a virtual appt can be helpful figure out our diagnosis. If you do have any "condition" at least it will point in the right direction as far as treatment goes. Do you feel you can reach out for professional help? I'm sure it helps to just vent here as well, to people who hear you.
not sure what a virtual appt is but i don't like the idea of going to a therapist mainly for reasons as i don't want my family to find out and i feel safe but i still know that mentally i'm not exactly thinking morally correct, people like this get called a psychopath or sociopath but idk what i am and it would be alot more comforting to know. Im 18 so any help through doctors would probably have to involve my family getting involved or just finding out anyway and id like to avoid that. getting officially diagnosed may be a problem because if my mental state is as bad as i think and it gets put on my record or something that'll probably cause me issues down the line with jobs or something.
 
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