Marrex
Well-known member
So first I want to say that, for me, venting helps. So, about 20 minutes after discovering this Forum, here I am posting a little background about my Mental Health history.
Even when I was first diagnosed almost a decade ago, the struggles of Mental Illness were not a foreign concept to me. My mother has struggled with Depression and Bipolar disorder, and while I was in the 6th grade, I watched as she was carried away by an Ambulance because she attempted to overdose. I have also been seeing a therapist since I was 10 years old. The diagnosis of Depression honestly didn't even come as a surprise to me. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I had the knowledge and support system needed to be well-equipped for what was to come. Or that's how I thought it should've gone. Instead, at 24 years of age I'm still in a constant internal struggle with myself and the ailments that plague my mind.
I know that everyone's journey is different, but sometimes I feel so frustrated with myself for not 'being better' as it were. The thing is that I have what feels like a laundry list of different things I've been diagnosed with over time, so to the point that I feel like half of it was just labeled to me rather carelessly. Regardless of that however, the medications I'm on allow me to operate day-to-day life somewhat regularly, but it is always a work-in-progress.
More recently, I am fairly certain that the mental struggles I face are not so much biological as they are situational. My father is dying of a somewhat rare disease called ALS, and there's no cure for it. I just have to watch and do what I can to assist as his body withers away. Despite that, I do what I can to keep things around the house and with my family smooth. It honestly felt like a punch in the gut that I started to get better biologically, only to get hit with my father's ALS on top of the mess that was 2020 and this year so far ain't lookin' much better. Despite how illogical it is, I get the feeling sometimes that life itself is out to get me. Then again, I know that's my illness talking, capitalizing on the negative situations I'm faced with.
I have likely rambled on far longer than the post has warranted, but if you made it this far then thanks for reading it all.
And also, I'll leave this with a question:
Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? Like everything's unnecessarily hard just for the sake of being hard?
Even when I was first diagnosed almost a decade ago, the struggles of Mental Illness were not a foreign concept to me. My mother has struggled with Depression and Bipolar disorder, and while I was in the 6th grade, I watched as she was carried away by an Ambulance because she attempted to overdose. I have also been seeing a therapist since I was 10 years old. The diagnosis of Depression honestly didn't even come as a surprise to me. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I had the knowledge and support system needed to be well-equipped for what was to come. Or that's how I thought it should've gone. Instead, at 24 years of age I'm still in a constant internal struggle with myself and the ailments that plague my mind.
I know that everyone's journey is different, but sometimes I feel so frustrated with myself for not 'being better' as it were. The thing is that I have what feels like a laundry list of different things I've been diagnosed with over time, so to the point that I feel like half of it was just labeled to me rather carelessly. Regardless of that however, the medications I'm on allow me to operate day-to-day life somewhat regularly, but it is always a work-in-progress.
More recently, I am fairly certain that the mental struggles I face are not so much biological as they are situational. My father is dying of a somewhat rare disease called ALS, and there's no cure for it. I just have to watch and do what I can to assist as his body withers away. Despite that, I do what I can to keep things around the house and with my family smooth. It honestly felt like a punch in the gut that I started to get better biologically, only to get hit with my father's ALS on top of the mess that was 2020 and this year so far ain't lookin' much better. Despite how illogical it is, I get the feeling sometimes that life itself is out to get me. Then again, I know that's my illness talking, capitalizing on the negative situations I'm faced with.
I have likely rambled on far longer than the post has warranted, but if you made it this far then thanks for reading it all.
And also, I'll leave this with a question:Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? Like everything's unnecessarily hard just for the sake of being hard?
