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My loneliness is making me give up

L

llamacobain

Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
9
Location
England
Hi
To give some background, I'm on the ASD spectrum and was only diagnosed in my early teens. From my diagnosis onwards, there has been an increasing decline in my social life.
Autism is not a very accepted thing within society, to the point where it is mocked and people feel uncomfortable around those on the spectrum. When it came out I was on the spectrum, the people at my school treated me differently and it massively impacted my mental health which was already steadily declining. It basically plummeted along with my self esteem and social understanding.
I don't think many people (neurotypicals/those not on the spectrum) can fully comprehend how lonely it is to have autism especially when that seems to stand out more than who we actually are as people. For example, I wish my loneliness could be solved with simple social interaction, but it can't, because I was born with a condition that utterly deprives me of that unless I spend years of my life learning at a late age. Its very exhausting and I get so lonely trying to keep up and I can't. Everyone around me seems to be good socially. Even those who I have met that also have ASD seem to have friends. I think the fact that not only do I have autism but I'm very straightforward and I enjoy discussing things that not many people talk about increases the chances of me not being able to make friends.
I seem to struggle with agoraphobia and extreme social anxiety. Accompanied with psychosis and my lack of social comprehension, I feel as if ill never experience the life I want.
Ive been basically rejected by everyone I have approached, whether it be online or in real life.
I just feel very lonely everyday. All I do is paint and play games on my own. I believe creating my own happiness helps, but when my urges to be social get rejected, I feel extremely lonely.
I have no places to create new friends. The people my age that live nearby are aware of my condition and don't want to befriend me. I find it upsetting.
This is not really an ask for advice, but I wanted to get this out from the perspective of someone on the spectrum, who is actually fully aware of everything thats happening and my ASD doesn't deprive me of knowing, but rather actually doing.
 
G

goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
439
Could you have a penpal. Maybe you could volunteer at a hospital.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
459
Loneliness is very difficult, I suffer badly with it myself. It is a terrible feeling, I just don't have any easy solutions for it. I wish I did.
 
F

Frosted_16

Member
Joined
Oct 25, 2019
Messages
7
Location
US
I wish I could help but I myself am very lonely at the moment too. Autism is something you have no control over and I've seen kids at my old school get bullied for it. And these kids don't deserve to be bullied. I will never be able to fully comprehend your loneliness as I am not autistic, but I know what it feels to suffer depression. At this moment right now, I honestly feel like I'm drowning, writing this message. But I feel for you and I really hope that people will treat you nicely in the future, so that you don't have to go through this tremendous pain that almost nobody can comprehend. 🙃
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
459
People in this world will be cruel. It has always been this way. We need to try the best we can to not internalize their negativity, although it is difficult. I experienced great cruelty in my life. I think anyone that is deemed as somewhat "different" has had this experience.
 
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