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my life

A

areback

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
72
Hi I'm 20 something and just don't know how to be happy anymore. When I wake up I normally see my dad listening to music while hes doing the breakfast and i can see how happy he is. It really gets me down, as a kid i was always happy and now I'm not. I don't seem depressed but I'm just not happy.

I also have anxiety problems, I can't stand being around confident people because I'm worried about what they will say to me because I'm embarrassed about my life. I never go out to do activities arranged by friends because of the anxiety. I have tried many times because I'm told my anxiety will get better, but it just gets worse as I get more and more bad experiences and just find it stressful because I have IBS. Going out at night is just a big no for me.

I try to do activities, cycling, badminton, running but I don't seem to get hardly any enjoyment out of them. Even listening to music offers next to no enjoyment. It's weird I'm just not really interested in anything to any extent.

I'm unintelligent and find it hard to have conversations with people, I just find it impossible to chat away like people do so I end up saying next to nothing. Which is frustrating because it seems thats like one of the joys of life.

I haven't worked for 3 years since I became unwell with schizophrenia. I'm encouraged to work voluntary but I just find it stressful. The things i find stressful is the IBS and when I try to do a task I get OCD symptoms and just generally worry about everything.

I can drive but find it so anxiety provoking its almost not even worth it. I don't know what runs through my head. I think I'm so worried about if I were to have an accident and wouldn't know what to say.

I have thought about ending my life but deep down I know I could never do that. I just really don't know what to do to improve my life?
 
PatrickBateman

PatrickBateman

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2009
Messages
4
Location
North-West UK
:(

I'm pretty crap at giving advice, but I think you need to find something that gives you a buzz. Would you be able to go to a climbing wall or something like that? I keep meaning to start it, but something always comes up. I believe it's fantastic though, and once you get into it very addictive.

Google 'awesome walls' and see if there's one near you.

Six months of doing that weekly, you'll have the body of an athlete and the confidence to go with it. :D
 
D

dreambuggieII

Guest
Hi - I know how you feel.

Sometimes its like the symptoms overlap one another and you can get really bogged down by the whole thing.

I still don't deal with it "normally".

My house is very close to be being a complete tip. Usually I have a week of can't be arsed then I suddenly decide to have a quick vroom and I'm living in quite a nice place.

Basically that cycle is a reflection of my emtional state. Sometimes - I get a moment of clarity and it all looks better - only to get messy again in the next hour.

As humans we generally build up such an intolerant "junk" thinking mechanisim that we have a lot going on in our heads. As a schizofrantic ;) myself I do this more then other "normals".

I'm kinda getting used to being a state of perpeptual flux, as one worry goes another one appears. Usually its a more pressing issue. Which doesn;t help. The bow breaks, and I either cry or go to sleep....or the preferred option is ... wait for it....I write.

Most times you'll have no one to talk too when you need to. Forums and the net are life saving.

I'm nearly 40. I'm not yet the veteran, but I know the condition does leave a calling card. I know you'd rather be normal, but as a bunch of nutters goes - most of us are very empathic people.

Normal life is pretty over rated.



I'm not the expert, but I do take it hour by hour, and day and day. Until, sometimes I manage to smile.

Being 20 - you have a life ahead of you. Hold your head high. You've come pretty far. We never get medals for an invisible illness. So pls accept this invisible medal.

keep trucking

I would say more - but I guess I don't want to overwhelm you. Feel free to reply. I should be knocking around over the next few weeks, years...:)
 
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diddypinks

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
1,946
hi you are talking about the worst part of scitzophrenia the apathy. it can suck out all the joy at times. breaking your day down and being "in the moment" and trying to be as happy a you can in each moment. ask yourself hat the inner child in you wwould really enjoy cake baking reading a magazine every day on the same day visiing a friend ANYTHING write one in every day even for just 10 mintes that you do for pure pleasure.:)
 
A

areback

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
72
thank you for your feedback!
 
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