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My life just got even worse

DistantOcean

DistantOcean

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
156
Location
Netherlands
I was pretty acutely suicidal yesterday night. Went to be admitted but eventually went back home because I couldn't imagine staying in that panic room for the rest of the night with some random woman who you could chat up at the end of the hallway. I convinced my father to be able to stay with him and my mum after a lot of talking. Now the next day I just have no interest in anything whatsoever. I used to be able to watch Youtube videos and get the tiniest bit of satisfaction from that. But now I just can't seem to enjoy anything whatsoever. I feel weak, anhedonic and the suicidality hasn't gone away. For tonight I can sleep with my parents. Then from tomorrow I will be able to stay with a friend till the end of the week, but he doesn't have much time to spend with me due to being busy with work and study. Just feeling even more low than I already was is just ridiculous. Thought I had hit my lowest point which I rated with a 2/10 but this is seriously challenging that. Just to feel no satisfaction from anything and an urge to end it all when people will eventually stop caring for me is just horrendous. And the weirdest part is that there is not even something which triggered it. It just happened when I went from the comfort of my parent's home to where I live myself in a group (a place I don't like) after the weekend ended (that's when I always get to stay with my parents).

I'm beyond knowing what to do with myself
 
Jolly

Jolly

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Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
772
Location
United Kingdom
Can you not stay with your parents for the time being until you feel you can cope xx
 
DistantOcean

DistantOcean

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
156
Location
Netherlands
No, they can't handle me this depressed. Dang, I'm in a lot of pain :(
 
Jolly

Jolly

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
772
Location
United Kingdom
So sad to hear that. I cannot give you any advice as I am not sure about the situations but please take care of yourself xx
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,814
Location
Sheffield
It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.

For the Netherlands I've found this service...

Stichting 113Online (113 | zelfmoordpreventie | ☎ 0800-0113) provides a 24/7 national suicide prevention phone line and webchat.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
912
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I was pretty acutely suicidal yesterday night. Went to be admitted but eventually went back home because I couldn't imagine staying in that panic room for the rest of the night with some random woman who you could chat up at the end of the hallway. I convinced my father to be able to stay with him and my mum after a lot of talking. Now the next day I just have no interest in anything whatsoever. I used to be able to watch Youtube videos and get the tiniest bit of satisfaction from that. But now I just can't seem to enjoy anything whatsoever. I feel weak, anhedonic and the suicidality hasn't gone away. For tonight I can sleep with my parents. Then from tomorrow I will be able to stay with a friend till the end of the week, but he doesn't have much time to spend with me due to being busy with work and study. Just feeling even more low than I already was is just ridiculous. Thought I had hit my lowest point which I rated with a 2/10 but this is seriously challenging that. Just to feel no satisfaction from anything and an urge to end it all when people will eventually stop caring for me is just horrendous. And the weirdest part is that there is not even something which triggered it. It just happened when I went from the comfort of my parent's home to where I live myself in a group (a place I don't like) after the weekend ended (that's when I always get to stay with my parents).

I'm beyond knowing what to do with myself
"Just to feel no satisfaction from anything and an urge to end it all when people will eventually stop caring for me is just horrendous. And the weirdest part is that there is not even something which triggered it."

I believe there is ALWAYS something which triggers it. It may be on a subconscious level, or it may be due to a chemical imbalance which has worsened, for example.
 
T

treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
491
Location
Philippines
What you are feeling is not permanent. There will be better days for you.

Listening to motivational and uplifting songs on youtube helps me. Music is therapeutic. Listen to it daily or as often as needed.

Helping others helps also. Find someone or a group that you can help. You may volunteer in your community or online. You may coach or teach online. Helping makes you happy and feel worthwhile and needed.
 
E

EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
430
Location
Orleans vermont.
You could try video games. Allowing yourself to become a mass murdering megalomaniac bent on world domination is a real good outlet and no real people are harmed in the process.
 
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