- Apr 29, 2021
I’ve been diagnosed with depression for 20 years. It took awhile but I got it managed about 6 years ago (everything before that was inconsistent or unhealthy coping mechanisms). But the last few months it’s like the medication I’ve been taking just shut off. And now I’m in a really really dark place. I call it my monster because I’m fighting, really hard, to not give up. I tried finding a therapist but wasn’t hearing back from any. Eventually talked to one who told me that my most immediate need is seeing a psychiatrist (those are even harder to find) to help with my medication (originally prescribed by my GP). But also told me she didn’t feel she was a good fit for me because she felt i needed someone who could be more available than weekly. My husband booked an appt for me with cerebral health (it’s telemed) and told them everything I told the first person. There’s a lot, but I told them, like the first person, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I would never want my son to be the one who found me and going somewhere else, I couldn’t put him or my husband through that fear with the outcome. ... the first person thought I should be admitted, but this person said I have mild depression.... I’m not a therapist or a psychiatrist but this feels heavier than mild. It feels darker than mild. And I feel so unheard and the fact that two different people come to two wildly opposing conclusions on me makes me believe that much more that it’s just another sign that I shouldn’t be here anymore. That I can’t be helped. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.