• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

My life is what I’m fighting for...

almost brave

almost brave

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
2
Location
USA
I’ve been diagnosed with depression for 20 years. It took awhile but I got it managed about 6 years ago (everything before that was inconsistent or unhealthy coping mechanisms). But the last few months it’s like the medication I’ve been taking just shut off. And now I’m in a really really dark place. I call it my monster because I’m fighting, really hard, to not give up. I tried finding a therapist but wasn’t hearing back from any. Eventually talked to one who told me that my most immediate need is seeing a psychiatrist (those are even harder to find) to help with my medication (originally prescribed by my GP). But also told me she didn’t feel she was a good fit for me because she felt i needed someone who could be more available than weekly. My husband booked an appt for me with cerebral health (it’s telemed) and told them everything I told the first person. There’s a lot, but I told them, like the first person, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I would never want my son to be the one who found me and going somewhere else, I couldn’t put him or my husband through that fear with the outcome. ... the first person thought I should be admitted, but this person said I have mild depression.... I’m not a therapist or a psychiatrist but this feels heavier than mild. It feels darker than mild. And I feel so unheard and the fact that two different people come to two wildly opposing conclusions on me makes me believe that much more that it’s just another sign that I shouldn’t be here anymore. That I can’t be helped. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.
 
Jolly

Jolly

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
953
Location
United Kingdom
Welcome I hope you enjoy the forum. More of the lovely members will be here soon to support you. Please take care and I am sorry you feel in a dark place
 
S

Sugaree

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2021
Messages
293
Location
California
Hi and welcome. I also suffer from depression,my antidepressant works pretty well. Sometimes it doesn’t and those are really hard days.There are alot of antidepressants out there so maybe your gp will try something else based on a psychiatric evaluation. I had to do that for anxiety meds. A therapist is also good but it has to be someone you are comfortable with. There is no reason for you not to be here anymore. You need help and keep searching until you find some professional who will work with you. This forum is a good beginning.
 
babyblue22

babyblue22

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
337
Location
Uk
I’ve been diagnosed with depression for 20 years. It took awhile but I got it managed about 6 years ago (everything before that was inconsistent or unhealthy coping mechanisms). But the last few months it’s like the medication I’ve been taking just shut off. And now I’m in a really really dark place. I call it my monster because I’m fighting, really hard, to not give up. I tried finding a therapist but wasn’t hearing back from any. Eventually talked to one who told me that my most immediate need is seeing a psychiatrist (those are even harder to find) to help with my medication (originally prescribed by my GP). But also told me she didn’t feel she was a good fit for me because she felt i needed someone who could be more available than weekly. My husband booked an appt for me with cerebral health (it’s telemed) and told them everything I told the first person. There’s a lot, but I told them, like the first person, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I would never want my son to be the one who found me and going somewhere else, I couldn’t put him or my husband through that fear with the outcome. ... the first person thought I should be admitted, but this person said I have mild depression.... I’m not a therapist or a psychiatrist but this feels heavier than mild. It feels darker than mild. And I feel so unheard and the fact that two different people come to two wildly opposing conclusions on me makes me believe that much more that it’s just another sign that I shouldn’t be here anymore. That I can’t be helped. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.
Welcome to the forum, lots of people are on here struggling too. Hopefully you can find a friend or some advice at least on here ❤
 
babyblue22

babyblue22

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
337
Location
Uk
And please keep trying, I know it can be hard xx
 
Sash1

Sash1

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
256
Location
Uk
I think it's very often the case, to have more than one opposing conclusions..which does crazy things to our Mental Health..one tells you your not that bad, so you try to get on with it, then another tells you you need more support/medication/ care etc, so you feel your not getting what you need..

My Psychologist has ended my sessions(weekly for around 2 years)through no fault of her own, it's down to the never ending waiting list of people who need help, new clients etc, I'm still under the Mental Health team but she's very concerned as we both know I relapse..My GP then thought it was a good idea to lower my meds and discontinue one!!!!!!........so it's very mixed messages between the professionals, or lack of communication with them..

Either way, don't give up..you are fighting a battle, that you will find the answer too..it's just with Mental Health, it can be a long process but well worth fighting for..You know how you feel, so keep fighting, we can be pretty persistent, don't let anything put you off until you get answers..

Hope your ok and here for you..
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,315
Location
USA
I'm 66, been battling clinical depression since I was 12 or so. I know the 'dark place' and it's always there, sometimes in the background.

You're in good company here, you are sharing with many people who understand the battle. Don't hesitate to open up.
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
1,164
Location
South America
@almost brave I'm also in a very dark place. I've suffered from depression for many years but I noticed that something changed on March. I really don't know what it was but it threw me in total darkness. I have constant panic attacks and sometimes I feel I will loose the battle. Im really at my lowest point. I feel lonely and scared not to be able to fight anymore.

I dont have anyone to talk or to rely on.
 
babyblue22

babyblue22

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
337
Location
Uk
@almost brave I'm also in a very dark place. I've suffered from depression for many years but I noticed that something changed on March. I really don't know what it was but it threw me in total darkness. I have constant panic attacks and sometimes I feel I will loose the battle. Im really at my lowest point. I feel lonely and scared not to be able to fight anymore.

I dont have anyone to talk or to rely on.
I don’t know what you are going through but you are not alone ❤
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,153
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I’ve been diagnosed with depression for 20 years. It took awhile but I got it managed about 6 years ago (everything before that was inconsistent or unhealthy coping mechanisms). But the last few months it’s like the medication I’ve been taking just shut off. And now I’m in a really really dark place. I call it my monster because I’m fighting, really hard, to not give up. I tried finding a therapist but wasn’t hearing back from any. Eventually talked to one who told me that my most immediate need is seeing a psychiatrist (those are even harder to find) to help with my medication (originally prescribed by my GP). But also told me she didn’t feel she was a good fit for me because she felt i needed someone who could be more available than weekly. My husband booked an appt for me with cerebral health (it’s telemed) and told them everything I told the first person. There’s a lot, but I told them, like the first person, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I would never want my son to be the one who found me and going somewhere else, I couldn’t put him or my husband through that fear with the outcome. ... the first person thought I should be admitted, but this person said I have mild depression.... I’m not a therapist or a psychiatrist but this feels heavier than mild. It feels darker than mild. And I feel so unheard and the fact that two different people come to two wildly opposing conclusions on me makes me believe that much more that it’s just another sign that I shouldn’t be here anymore. That I can’t be helped. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.
I think your talking about you not being here anymore definitely means that your depression is more than just mild. Hang in there.
 
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