My life is a shambles.

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mandy8204

Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
16
Location
stoke on trent
#1
I don't usually post on these sites. I tend to just read and relate to so many stories and experiences. I find it so hard to trust people, and think they have an alteria motive when they do say anything to me or are even nice to me. My life is a complete shambles, the only thing good in my life is my two kids. After years of sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse I'm left with crippling anxiety and cyclothymia. Everyday is a challenge, everyday i remind myself i am here for my girls, everyday i realise my relationship has been messed up by my illness. Yet tomorrow i could feel on top of the world. This illness makes no sense to me. Now i have DWP on my back wanting face to face interviews. Guess what I'd love to go back to work, live a normal life be happy, not worry what people think of me. Earn money contribute to society. Not worry about hurting anyone's feelings. My ex family don't care why would they, they are part of who inflicted this crap on me. I finally accept my illness after 5 years and you just throw more problems at me. I really don't understand life.
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
380
Location
Plymouth
#2
I don't understand it either, I really do hope you can get a job, I've got one I don't know where I'd be without it, Sunday's are horrible, all these nasty thoughts that won't go away until I get back into the weekday routine, I'm sure the DWP maybe could be understanding & find you maybe a work placement to start with.
 
Valka

Valka

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
257
Location
England (NW)
#3
Hi Mandy and welcome to the forum.
I hope you can find help, support and friendship here. There are many people who can relate to your problems and want to help.

:welcome:
 
G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
255
#5
I'm really sorry you're having these struggles. I don't have much of an answer because my life is too going to shambles. It seems like life is always giving you at least five times more problems then you can bare. When you catch a glimpse of relief or freedom it rips it right out away from you and kicks you in the crotch. You're not alone. Much love and support
 
S

Savedcoffee

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
3
Location
England
#6
I don't usually post on these sites. I tend to just read and relate to so many stories and experiences. I find it so hard to trust people, and think they have an alteria motive when they do say anything to me or are even nice to me. My life is a complete shambles, the only thing good in my life is my two kids. After years of sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse I'm left with crippling anxiety and cyclothymia. Everyday is a challenge, everyday i remind myself i am here for my girls, everyday i realise my relationship has been messed up by my illness. Yet tomorrow i could feel on top of the world. This illness makes no sense to me. Now i have DWP on my back wanting face to face interviews. Guess what I'd love to go back to work, live a normal life be happy, not worry what people think of me. Earn money contribute to society. Not worry about hurting anyone's feelings. My ex family don't care why would they, they are part of who inflicted this crap on me. I finally accept my illness after 5 years and you just throw more problems at me. I really don't understand life.
Hi Mandy

I’m pretty new here too and also struggle with cyclothymia/bipolar. I’ll be honest, going to work saved my life. It gave me a purpose and distracted me from my own thoughts, in fact I was on annual leave this past week and it was the most exhausting thing as my emotions and actions ran riot. My only piece of advice is if you’re worried about work then please don’t, as long as the place of work is normal then it should be a good thing for you. If it’s terrible then you’re not tied down for life.
 
M

mandy8204

Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
16
Location
stoke on trent
#7
That is so true. I manage to pick myself up and accept my mental health issues, after 5 years of battling against it, just for my relationship of 8 years to fall apart, and a whole load of other stuff comes at me. I just wonder why the hell i am here in the first place. I have two beautiful children and they are what keep me here. I appreciate everyone has bad luck and falls on hard times but after 30 years ( no exaggeration) of pure crap what are you supposed to think.
 
M

mandy8204

Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
16
Location
stoke on trent
#8
Hi Mandy

I’m pretty new here too and also struggle with cyclothymia/bipolar. I’ll be honest, going to work saved my life. It gave me a purpose and distracted me from my own thoughts, in fact I was on annual leave this past week and it was the most exhausting thing as my emotions and actions ran riot. My only piece of advice is if you’re worried about work then please don’t, as long as the place of work is normal then it should be a good thing for you. If it’s terrible then you’re not tied down for life.

I would love to go back to work but i don't think i would have the confidence too. The meds that i am taking leave me witg brain fog, unable to concentrate then I'd feel like a failure and go on a downward spiral, seems like a vicuous circle which I'm trying to break but with only just accepting my illness i really don't think i am ready. Thank you for your support though.
 
P

PrincessJasmine

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
13
Location
UK
#9
I have never worked (except for 4 mornings when I was 17) and I don't think I ever will. For some people work helps, for some people it doesn't. Either is fine. There's no right and wrong, the only issue here is what's right for you.

Are you getting any mental health support at the moment? Or even your GP might be able to help with this. If you can get someone to explain why you can't go to a face to face interview then you might not have to go. I was told to go to a benefit assessment about 40 miles away to tell them all about the reasons why I can't use public or private transport. Nonsensical! If I didn't go I'd lose my benefits for not going, if I did go (which was just impossible) I'd obviously lose my benefits as I'd be proving I could go. But I eventually managed to get an assessment in my flat.

If your face to face interview is benefit related you can request a home assessment too. If it's more to do with jobseeking you might be on the wrong benefits. You can find out details online and apply. There's also organisations like Citizens Advice and Mind who could help or there might be someone attached to the mental health team or your GP surgery who is able to help with benefits.
 
M

mandy8204

Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
16
Location
stoke on trent
#10
Hi thank you for your reply. I worked for 11 years and even managed to get a diploma in health and social care. I am currently under my regular GP and other Doctors which to be honest are not very good. I see them every 3 months, i say them because it's a different doctor each time i go. Then i have to explain myself and my symptoms all over again. I currently get ESA and i think it's the support band i am in. I've spoken to them and they say i have to attend. Even citizens advice tell me i have to. The people at mind are really nice but can not give me much advice. I am so anxious about this one to one interview, i don't think i am in the right place just yet. It's just more added pressure. I think mental health services are massively under funded. I spoke to a crisis team 2 weeks ago as i was ready to end it all, thankfully I'm still here. I was told it would be passed to my GP and I've not heard anything from anyone, no welfare check. I will not ask for help usually, i try to deal with it myself but i reach out and still get no support. It just baffles me.
 
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PrincessJasmine

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
13
Location
UK
#11
That sounds quite typical of doctors sadly. As soon as I find one I like they leave, there's no continuity of care.

Mental health services are underfunded. Mine has a time limit on therapy. If you're lucky you might get 15 sessions, usually it's 10. It doesn't matter what's happening in your therapy, you have to adhere to the time limit. If you're just starting to open up, if you've just got to a very unstable point it doesn't matter, that's the end of therapy. And then you have to wait years before they'll consider you for more therapy. It's a terrible situation for so many people. It used to be much better apparently. You could stay with the service for years and there were a lot more treatment options but not now. I just hope things will change for everyone. It's really not a good situation.

Have you tried a mental health advocacy service? There's one called the Patient Advice and Liasion Service (PALS), they can speak to organisations on your behalf and accompany you to interviews. There's another one called POhWER. They might be able to give you some support. I've never tried PALS but it has a good reputation I think. I wasn't too impressed with POhWER but that was just my local office. My local offices can be contacted by email or phone so I'd imagine yours is the same. They might not be able to stop the meeting but they might be able to address some of your concerns.

I'm sorry I can't help more (if I've even helped at all), it just seems so unfair that you're being forced into something you're just not in the right place for.
 
M

mandy8204

Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
16
Location
stoke on trent
#12
That sounds quite typical of doctors sadly. As soon as I find one I like they leave, there's no continuity of care.

Mental health services are underfunded. Mine has a time limit on therapy. If you're lucky you might get 15 sessions, usually it's 10. It doesn't matter what's happening in your therapy, you have to adhere to the time limit. If you're just starting to open up, if you've just got to a very unstable point it doesn't matter, that's the end of therapy. And then you have to wait years before they'll consider you for more therapy. It's a terrible situation for so many people. It used to be much better apparently. You could stay with the service for years and there were a lot more treatment options but not now. I just hope things will change for everyone. It's really not a good situation.

Have you tried a mental health advocacy service? There's one called the Patient Advice and Liasion Service (PALS), they can speak to organisations on your behalf and accompany you to interviews. There's another one called POhWER. They might be able to give you some support. I've never tried PALS but it has a good reputation I think. I wasn't too impressed with POhWER but that was just my local office. My local offices can be contacted by email or phone so I'd imagine yours is the same. They might not be able to stop the meeting but they might be able to address some of your concerns.

I'm sorry I can't help more (if I've even helped at all), it just seems so unfair that you're being forced into something you're just not in the right place for.

You have been a big help. Thank you. Mind mentioned an advocate to me, but then i felt terrible thinking i couldn't handle things myself, but then i managed to tell myself thst it's hrlp that i need . I explained i could not attend the meeting due to anxiety issues and having no one to attend with me but they just would not listen. I know i will not make this meeting. If i did i know all my hard work of admitting my illness Will fade because these people are just health workers eho are made to put people back into work. The interview will leave me feeling weak and stupid because i forget things so easily due to my meds. I will be in a worse situation if i go. Anyway thank you for listening and offering advice. It is much appreciated.
 
B

bagpuss74

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Northumberland
#13
I have never worked (except for 4 mornings when I was 17) and I don't think I ever will. For some people work helps, for some people it doesn't. Either is fine. There's no right and wrong, the only issue here is what's right for you.

Are you getting any mental health support at the moment? Or even your GP might be able to help with this. If you can get someone to explain why you can't go to a face to face interview then you might not have to go. I was told to go to a benefit assessment about 40 miles away to tell them all about the reasons why I can't use public or private transport. Nonsensical! If I didn't go I'd lose my benefits for not going, if I did go (which was just impossible) I'd obviously lose my benefits as I'd be proving I could go. But I eventually managed to get an assessment in my flat.

If your face to face interview is benefit related you can request a home assessment too. If it's more to do with jobseeking you might be on the wrong benefits. You can find out details online and apply. There's also organisations like Citizens Advice and Mind who could help or there might be someone attached to the mental health team or your GP surgery who is able to help with benefits.

I have worked for almost 30yrs and for past few years have been struggling - I had a face to face for ESA and she was more interested in my physical problems which are a non issue to me than mental - I was told by a government employee that you are considered a worker or a recipient, as a worker its almost impossible to get that status non workers are afforded. Its not fair that I work for so many years and get dismissed for people that have never worked.

I went off to find work at 16 after serious bullying resulting in attempted murder and me leaving school - why have you not worked? Im sorry but saying work for some people is an insult.
 
P

PrincessJasmine

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
13
Location
UK
#14
I have worked for almost 30yrs and for past few years have been struggling - I had a face to face for ESA and she was more interested in my physical problems which are a non issue to me than mental - I was told by a government employee that you are considered a worker or a recipient, as a worker its almost impossible to get that status non workers are afforded. Its not fair that I work for so many years and get dismissed for people that have never worked.

I went off to find work at 16 after serious bullying resulting in attempted murder and me leaving school - why have you not worked? Im sorry but saying work for some people is an insult.
I'm sorry I insulted you. Can you please explain how? I didn't mean to insult anyone. I was just trying to support the person who made this thread but unfortunately I'm a horrible nasty evil person who can't even communicate properly and deserves to die.
 
M

mandy8204

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Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
16
Location
stoke on trent
#15
Hi Jasmine. Bagpuss even told me i should be able to work because i have children and we are not in the victorian times and that i should support them myself. Seems like a troll to me who does not realise how hurtful comments can be. His comments have affected me all day and although I've tried not to let it affect me it does. It makes me feel wrong for asking for help. I have not asked for help from anyone up until now and it's people like bagpuss that remind me why i don't share my worries, concerns etc. I thank you for your help anyway. It proves there are still caring people out there.
 
daffy

daffy

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Messages
2,899
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hiding behind the sofa
#16
Hi Jasmine. Bagpuss even told me i should be able to work because i have children and we are not in the victorian times and that i should support them myself. Seems like a troll to me who does not realise how hurtful comments can be. His comments have affected me all day and although I've tried not to let it affect me it does. It makes me feel wrong for asking for help. I have not asked for help from anyone up until now and it's people like bagpuss that remind me why i don't share my worries, concerns etc. I thank you for your help anyway. It proves there are still caring people out there.
I put a reply to the statement this morning, that because you had children you should work, but instead of replying to my statement s/he deleted her post hence my reply to her was deleted. Just because you have children does not mean you are able to work.i was lucky I had a good employer who let me have time off when I was too ill to work I worked with mh probs and brought up a family till I was 50 when it then became impossible for me to work as I was away more than there. I do not class myself as someone who has cheated the taxpayer but someone who couldn’t cope with life, work or my MH anymore. Yes there probably are a minority that abuse the system but the vast majority are genuine claimants.

Mandy don’t let this person ruin your day
 
M

mandy8204

Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
16
Location
stoke on trent
#17
Hi daffy. His comments were reported so i think admin deleted them. My MH declined about 4-5 years my youngest child is 11 so i did not have any social anxiety issues then. I worked as soon as left school and got a diploma in health and social care. Unfortunately past experiences and life have made me how i am today. I suffer with cyclothymia so my moods change daily, depression and anxiety. I don't trust very easily through years of being let down, so when i do reach out on forums like this and you get one person disputing your problems it really does not help. Thank you for your support though.
 

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