My life is a black-hole

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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
288
My life has just been an endless downward vortex of problems that is just ever expanding like a real black hole. I have no money right now. I have less then two hundred dollars to my name, 27 yrs old living at home because of a lot of life's problems which I will not go into right now. I'm working two jobs, not even hoping to stay stationary anymore just trying to not sink so fast.

Let me give an analogy. I"m falling down a dark vertical cave and the only thing stopping me are my fingernails. I'm clawing my way stable but keep sliding further. Every time I climb out the wall crumbles and I fall a little further. If I let go I fall faster but if I pry my fingers into the sides I won't fall as quickly, at the expense of my fingers which in this case, real life is my self worth and esteem. Those are my only options. Fall straight and through or use my fingernails as brakes.

My car broke down today and that created more problems. I actually had a panic attack and then I came home and literally had a meltdown. Screaming, throwing things, swearing, the only thing I wasn't doing was crying. The big problem is I see no end. I literally see no way out. I'm fearing that the rock bottom of this black hole will be me deciding to just end it one day.

It is so frustrating to see everyone else my age is married, has at least 20-50k, happy, good jobs and are COMFORTABLE living on their own and I'm struggling to make ends meet at my parents. I love my parents deeply I have to say that because its true and I'm not ashamed to admit it, online or in person to anyone. I know they care about me too and we need each other a lot. Its getting harder to afford my meds, food, gas, rent everything. Big companies have deliberately tried to take advantage of me because I'm different and they have found ways to trick me and get my money and sadly they won. They attacked me like a ferocious lion attacking a helpless deer. THye got me with their bullshit scam tactics and their ruthless loopholes because I'm wired differently they take advantage of that. Easy prey, easy come. I just don't know what I'll do. I'm so frustrated. I'm way behind in life because I've struggled so badly just to keep my head afloat, to keep up with the back of the pack if you will and I can't even do that. Thanks for reading all this in advance. I know its long and very deep but I had to spill some things. Can ANYONE help me PLEASE
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
115
Location
Chicago
Are you in the US? if so, are you on disability benefits? That could help you a lot. I am not sure about the big companies you are talking about that are taking advantage of you but it sounds illegal. A lawyer will meet with you for free. If you are low income you also can get on many programs. You can get food stamps even while living with your parents. if you don't have a therapist or social worker, there are usually free ones. They can also hook you up to resources. This will help you regain your freedom.

Comparing yourself to others will never make you happy. Someone will always have more. Not everyone who has those physical things are happy either.

That says a lot about your determination to work two jobs. Perhaps you can do one good job to work that pays the salary of those two jobs combined? Two jobs is a lot of hours toiling away. A broken down car just adds more stress on top of stress. I feel your pain but things can improve very quickly if you take the right steps.
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
288
I realized that everyone's afraid of losing, even the people at the top. Only their fear isn't becoming broke and destitute, just poor and not being able to afford what they once had, which that's not nearly as bad as the fear of becoming utterly broke.

ITs frustrating because I don't have much option for a second part time job. I use almost all the money just getting to and from work, work essentials, but if I don't have this second job I'll plummet so I need to work two jobs to act as a financial parachute until I can generate some real income. I haven't been to school since high school, for many reasons, mainly my social phobia and the only jobs that will pay well enough are high intense labor jobs and jobs you go to school for. Not to mention they jack up the price for my meds, gas, food, so it becomes a lot harder. I wish I could find something that actually paid something decent instead of spit. My main job pays well but its still not enough for the major expenses right now.
 
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