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My Last Christmas

J

JulietEC

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Sep 23, 2014
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118
Hi - never want to feel like this again. My stress is all crappy family dynamics and not present buying and cooking etc. I have an arrogant brother with a young family whereas I am doing it all alone with a young family and an additional needs child.

My 12 year old is rude - every interaction is difficult and it is seriously affecting my health. In fairness she is very distressed by the poor dynamics and I've always in the past year made sure she never sees me and my "mother"(age 77) together. She is expressing her distress in Violence towards me and regular Verbal standoffs. We are getting the so called help via school soon which I have been told may not change anything whatsoever.

She said if I come tomorrow then she'd rather stay at home on her own - so she goes or me and two youngest go. No one surely has it this bad. I might just have to drop her off and the "family" still won't understand the damage they've caused in letting my daughter watch them abuse me all her life and now we have this is adolescence.. I should've worked it all out sooner. Impossible to live under the strain of having to be five steps ahead all the time.

Cannot wait for it to all be over.
 

MarlieeB

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I'm sorry that it is that bad for you at the moment. Hopefully when the day actually comes she will change her mind.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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It sounds like she's suffering as well as yourself. I'm sorry the way she expresses herself is distressing for you. Do either of you recieve any councilling?
You say you have a çhild with additional needs, do you receive any support or respite for them?
I know its no consolation but very few family have brilliant dynamics so dont worry about yours :)
 
J

JulietEC

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Sep 23, 2014
Messages
118
I know - I just feel awful that my threads are so hopeless sounding that hardly anyone replies. Maybe we'll both have counselling on the issue but obviously with "mum" being 77 they'll know its a dead duck and not going to change. However ok or badly tomorrow goes she'll never see or speak to me again as this is it now.
 
J

JulietEC

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Joined
Sep 23, 2014
Messages
118
Just don't want to be here at all anymore. I've failed as a parent and had no idea how all this would impact on my daughter in adolescence. Let her bring her up. This is all this bad all the time - just magnified even more with time of year.
 
J

JulietEC

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Sep 23, 2014
Messages
118
I have no friends - an Abusive family and now my daughter is joining the abuse against me. No one cares. it is Incompatible with Exisistance.?sp
 
T

Topcat

Guest
I wanted to reply, but I don't have any advice.
I have a 13yr old girl, and we have some issues, but I have to say age 12 was so far the worst year for behaviour. What with puberty properly starting I blame the changes and hormones, things are calmer for the most part now.
She just hates all of us and living in this house, but I guess that's normal.
Its a tough time anyway without other family screwing it up too.

Wish I had some advice, its always hard to know what to do for the best.

Take care.
Xx
 
J

JulietEC

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Joined
Sep 23, 2014
Messages
118
Awful don't think I'll be here to see last days of December . Christmas brings out the worst in people and how horrible the world is. I have always done life the hard way and its only going to get harder My posts are so crap that hardly anyone replies anyway.
 
J

JulietEC

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Sep 23, 2014
Messages
118
See all these views but no replies. Clearly everyone one agrees that my existence is utterly pointless and that theres no hope.
 
J

JulietEC

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Sep 23, 2014
Messages
118
I should have entitled the Post - This is my Last Christmas
 
T

Topcat

Guest
I replied. And i do care.
Having depression, kids, kids with special needs, teenagers, it's fucking hard. And when family are damaging too instead of helpful and supportive, its even bloody harder.
You obviously love your kids or you wouldn't care so much. You have just hit the bottom and are struggling. You need some support, some help. Or just a bit of extra strength to carry on.
I wish I knew what to suggest. I don't know what the worst/biggest issue you're facing right now is, but taking things one at a time, one step at a time will make it easier when things are so hard.
Does your gp know of your problems with your teen? You may be able to get family counselling together, I think some Relate places do it too?
Do you have support from anybody?
Xx
 
J

JulietEC

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Joined
Sep 23, 2014
Messages
118
Thank you - I was deliberately excluded from family plans today (only walk and pub) as they don't want me there. And its the hols so each day alone with the children feels very long. I feel like I have no friends or family. Will be cutting ties with family anyway so even worse isolation.
 
T

Topcat

Guest
I know how it feels when very low and a whole day with kids (I have 4, 1 with special needs) stretches out like a barren dessert that feels like a huge pressure to be present and functioning for everyone else. It's really hard, and I struggle to cope too.
It's difficult as I don't know you, but if your family is abusive and damaging, cutting ties may be in your best interests.
You haven't screwed things up with your daughter, I would say be honest with her, explain, but I know it's not always that easy with teens because to them we're all morons that know nothing. I think counselling will help.
As for isolation, that's tricky too.
I made two new friends this year at a bipolar support group. Maybe there's something you can go to, a CBT group, recovery college (courses for people with mh issues), places like that where suffering depression and all that brings is understood and less of a barrier towards meeting people?
:hug:
Xx
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Nov 25, 2014
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I started a thread once and felt the same, sadly were people just like you, feeling pretty shit about life. Sadly we don't always have the answers or even feel brave enough to reply!! Don't take it personally. You could do with some councilling you and your daughter as I previously stated. Both get your feelings out in the open so each other knows how you feel then you can begin to fix what's broken
 
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