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My kinda crazy

Mollypoppy

Mollypoppy

Active member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Scotland
Hey,was wondering if anyone can help me on this or anyone who has experience it themselves....when my bpd is at its worst,I shake,starts in my neck,then my head,then takes over my full body,to the point I can no longer stand up,it’s like a seizure but I’m completely awake and present,I can’t control it,takes hours,if not days to calm down,my last episode was around 5wks ago,a situation I was in,didn’t agree with someone,I don’t get a chance to think,oh I’m not liking this,my brain,body and soul just goes crazy and I mean proper spitting when I’m talking,sheer unadulterated aggression and to the point in actual scared of myself,only realise this once I’m calm,during the rage I’m not scared at all and that’s the scary part,I’ve had a problem with my tummy,won’t bore u with the details,I’ve had a few surgery’s in past 4/5yr,my anxiety is that severe,even when I’m under sedation(coming round from surgery),my body goes into shock,I shake uncontrollably to the point of it being a medical emergency,that happened in July 2017,I’m due to go for more surgery but I’m terrified in case it happens again,it’s happened in hospital twice,any advice would b much appreciated 💜
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,258
Do you take seroquel? Quetiapine

I was experiencing that too, to a point where I would tip over and lose balance. Once I stopped taking it, those symptoms went away.

It could be medication related and tardive dyskinesia. Talk with your doctor about it.
 
Synesthesia

Synesthesia

Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Limbo
I have experienced a full body shock-like sensation in reaction to confrontation or feeling abandoned in the past. I never before found anyone else who related until I saw something similar mentioned in some of the BPD stuff I've been researching lately.

The worst experience of it was an x boyfriend I still loved telling me about a new girl; it was as if violet light began to explode from the back of my neck and shoot down my spine and up into my head, and I fell on the ground screaming in pain - not from physical pain, pure emotional pain.

There was a confrontation I had with someone in an art class years ago, we both probably had similar personalities, and it became unusually intense over a small issue. I had a similar feeling overtake my body, and I remember shaking coming on as well, and the awful feelings and obsessive thoughts took days to even begin to fade. Also, one time dealing with a government agency trying to fight for money owed to me by an employer, I began to shake, had trouble speaking, felt like I was representing myself poorly and didn't know why, it was like a combination of terror and anger. It took me a long time to look for employment again.

Is what you've experienced anything like what I have?
 
Mollypoppy

Mollypoppy

Active member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Scotland
Do you take seroquel? Quetiapine

I was experiencing that too, to a point where I would tip over and lose balance. Once I stopped taking it, those symptoms went away.

It could be medication related and tardive dyskinesia. Talk with your doctor about it.
Hey,no I don’t take that medication,I took 100mg setraline and 100/120 ammatryptaline daily,doctor changed medication to mitrazaphine only,temazepame during day,which doesn’t help at all,the nite time ones do,I’m up at least five times during nite,which is an improvement,medication was changed just last week,got review with doctor tomorrow,as I’m getting older the symptoms are getting worse,I tip over or fall over my own feet or stand on cats tail and end up on the floor,I’m bit worried as these symptoms don’t seem to relate to bpd,ive suffered from this for years,all my life if I’m being honest,I just can’t b like this anymore,enough is enough,I’m missing out on so much in life,I tolerated it for years,coz I thought this was just “my kinda crazy” I now realise I need help,I was diagnosed with bpd when I was 17,I now 51,all these years,festering away in my brain,I can’t continue like this,something has to change x
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,258
Oh I’m so sorry both of you have experienced this. It sounds awful. I hope you find a solution. Xo
 
Mollypoppy

Mollypoppy

Active member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Scotland
Oh I’m so sorry both of you have experienced this. It sounds awful. I hope you find a solution. Xo
It’s beyond words to properly describe,I just now when these emotions kick in,I’m defenceless,I’m not in control,something takes over,well that’s what it feels like,took me 3wks to recover from my last “invasion “ I can’t wait for the next one to come,I need to protect myself and others from it,It’s debilitating and consumes all my energy and will power x
 
Mollypoppy

Mollypoppy

Active member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Scotland
I have experienced a full body shock-like sensation in reaction to confrontation or feeling abandoned in the past. I never before found anyone else who related until I saw something similar mentioned in some of the BPD stuff I've been researching lately.

The worst experience of it was an x boyfriend I still loved telling me about a new girl; it was as if violet light began to explode from the back of my neck and shoot down my spine and up into my head, and I fell on the ground screaming in pain - not from physical pain, pure emotional pain.

There was a confrontation I had with someone in an art class years ago, we both probably had similar personalities, and it became unusually intense over a small issue. I had a similar feeling overtake my body, and I remember shaking coming on as well, and the awful feelings and obsessive thoughts took days to even begin to fade. Also, one time dealing with a government agency trying to fight for money owed to me by an employer, I began to shake, had trouble speaking, felt like I was representing myself poorly and didn't know why, it was like a combination of terror and anger. It took me a long time to look for employment again.

Is what you've experienced anything like what I have?
I’d love to chat further,perhaps we could share experience,sounds very similar x
 
Synesthesia

Synesthesia

Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Limbo
Thanks Shirley. I wonder if your experiences are bringing on vertigo? I've had 'benign positional vertigo' at times, but that's a physical condition to do with 'crystals' in the ear getting out of place, at least epley maneuver helps quickly with that. I don't know much about seizures, except that there's all different kinds.

Sometimes putting oneself through all the testing can be stressful though! I wonder, especially with BPD, if dwelling on what might be wrong makes everything worse.
 
Mollypoppy

Mollypoppy

Active member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Scotland
For sure,if no one is correcting us,our mind goes into overdrive,trying to work it all out,overthinking def makes things worse
 
S

Sazzie

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2018
Messages
10
Hello
I just wanted to share with you.
I have experienced what you seem to be describing.
I have always had a slight tremor, but when I’m emotional it becomes really bad.
I shake and can’t stop and it seems to take forever to calm down.
I noticed as I have matured it has got a lot worse and now take a beta blocker propranolol 40mg.
It has helped me immensely, because I was so self conscious and hated feeling so terrible as the shaking would be in my body as well as my hands and exhaust me.
It was mentioned that I have something called non essential tremor.
Anyway I hope everything settles down for you.
 
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