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My job/workplace is slowly sucking the life out of me!

B

BurningPassion

Active member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
25
Location
England, Midlands
Hi,

I graduated from Uni in 2007 and was lucky enough to land a job in an IT department. The technology I I have to work with everyday was kinda what I was reading at uni. So basically, I'm a graduate with a decent job on decent money for my level.

At first, it all seemed rosy, I remember how happy I was when my interviewer called me up with an offer. I'm talking proper happiness, the type that makes you cry with emotion on the spot. So i got the job towards the end of 2007. I'm still there now. But my mindset it very different now......

Those who work in IT or rather any professional field of work, you will understand the existence of qualifications within the field, for example, an accountant takes an exam to become a charted accountant. the same thing exists in IT, people obtain certifications using specific technology, for example Microsoft certify engineers who know how to operate their servers. This is based on examinations.

Now i've been working on such a certification since I started the job, I managed to pass the first exam today. But it was hard, not the fact that it was hard to study, but life circumstances were weighing me down. My Grandmother passed away last year who I was close to, and one of my parents become a drug addict. That was also a big thing because I was also really close to that parent. Also, my self esteem has really taken a battering, I just can't connect with people any more, i've kinda become lost in my own head/world.

Basically there was too much chatter in my mind for me to concentrate on passing this exam, it took more than 1 attempt, today was the lucky one :)

Going back to the work place issue, I feel i'm not close enough to anyone there to discuss personal problems. So they don't understand, but what they do understand in their mind is that i'm not the bright 1st class honours graduate student that passed the job interview with flying colours, i'm just some dumb low level IT guy struggling in an industry hes not cut out for.

Now this exam took 3 attempts, the 1st time, yeah everybody fails, 2nd time, you start getting a but of stick. However, during the week leading up to the day of the exam, I was really not feeling confident, I was worried, stressed, exhausted from studying, as well as working too. The personal issues are still there but time is a healer and I'm slowly getting myself together.

But something almost sent me over the edge

##
Early in the week, I attempted to make a joke with my line manager who i've been working with closely since I started the job. I said 'so whats gunna happen if I fail this exam again, will I be demoted to a 'junior apprentice', how much of my salary will I lose?'
The answer was, 'you're dead wrong, if you fail' you're gunna be sitting outside wishing you still has a job', the funny thing is, he seemed dead serious!
##

That night, I kinda cried (grown male crying confession lol) and bought a pack of smokes (was clean for 2 years previously). I had an exam looming towards the end of the week, but I was in no fit mental state to study. But then I had a few smokes, moped around, went for a walk.

My thoughts of fear then turned more agressive/angry. Since I been there, i've never arrived late (apart from major traffic jams where the whole office is late lol), benever over slept, always done the work, found faults, solved faults. I personally do not think I underperformed. Not meaning to blow my own trumpet but I've had previous employers call me asking to have me back and keep in touch. Hell I even braved the UK winter snow storms to get to work! Basically 'i worked my f***in ass of and you're gunna fire me for failing an exam?'

My thoughts then changed again, 'well I tell you what Mr, if I pass this exam and become certified in (blablabla) I ain't sticking around.

I guess the reason they employed me was financial, that I would be some sort of exam taking machine. Microsoft say 'If you have X amount of certified engineer working for your company, we will give you a 50% discount on all our products' .

Anyway, I passed the exam, in fact I aced it :)
A feeling of happiness followed (the type that makes you cry)
Also such a nice feeling of rubbing 'their' (co workers) noses in it! I ain't as dumb as they thought I was. Ironically, the threat of losing my job may have been what gave me the drive to study and pass this exam, a blessing in disguise. Though I would have preferred some more encouragement.

Basically I feel violated, unappreciated and i'm unhappy in this job and i'm unhappy working for this poxy little company, so i'm gunna start tweaking my CV and keeping my eye out.
I also gotta move out the parent's (just one) house and regain the independence I had at uni


The next chapter of my life is going to begin lol

ps (gotta quit the smokes again.............)

Sorry for waffling, I just typed what I thought and it really helped me get it off my chest.

If any1 actually bothered to read that all, thanks
 
D

Dollit

Guest
We all go through crap at work at sometime. We all find ourselves in a job that seems good on the surface but turns out just to be fools gold in the end. I was once fired for no longer fitting the company profile - just after I refused to work on a munitions job and had told by line manager that I had bipolar disorder. Can't have crazy people refusing to work on jobs because of their priniciples can we? But it got me thinking about what I really wanted to do and I'm doing that now. I'm making changes in my community and meaningful ones at that. By and large I have the respect of the people I work with and I'm looked upon as someone who is worth listening to, someone who's opinion is worth seeking.

Take this as an opportunity to do better for yourself and laugh.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
I think the working world is generally getting tougher. I don't know what the answer is for surviving it except maybe to lower our expectations of job satisfaction.Look to things outside of work for fulfillment and while you are working if you can save some money to tide you over dfficult times in the future.You could try working for a different company or a different career alltogether.
Also there are good managers and a....holes and theres no point trying to reason with an a..hole at the end of the day.
 
B

BurningPassion

Active member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
25
Location
England, Midlands
I think the working world is generally getting tougher. I don't know what the answer is for surviving it except maybe to lower our expectations of job satisfaction.Look to things outside of work for fulfillment and while you are working if you can save some money to tide you over dfficult times in the future.You could try working for a different company or a different career alltogether.
Also there are good managers and a....holes and theres no point trying to reason with an a..hole at the end of the day.
I think a new career would be out of question at my age, maybe when i'm past 30 I may consider it seriously. For now, i think i'll be looking for a new job. The incident was indeed a blessing in disguise, its given me the motivation to finally get off my ass and try to move out my parents house. I'm most likely gunna be moving to London as there is tonnes of opportunity in the city for someone like me. Living and working in London may not be everyone's cup of tea but i want to experience it at least once in my life, i can always move when I get bored or if it doesn't work out. I may as well do it while i'm young and single rather than when i'm married and tied down.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Sounds good to me to be young and single and living and working in London.
KP
 
bupanishad2012

bupanishad2012

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2009
Messages
69
Location
Springfield, Missouri
Working too hard

Being somewhat "passive-aggressive" is a good way to slow down, too. Have you ever heard the parable of the Tractor and the Swamp. The harder the Tractor (the boss) pushed, the deeper into the Swamp it became. Some lessons there!
 
invise

invise

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2008
Messages
192
Location
Aberdeen
If i was you id be looking for another job. Dont quit the one your in until you do though, your more employable if your already in a job, it shows you've not been a bum and lost interest. And its so sweet when you hand in that letter of resignation :) Theres loads of a hole managers out there, but even more IT jobs. no reason to stay somewhere that you gotta work for a prick like that, or where your not happy. Good luck whatever you do.
 
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