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My Introduction

M

myjourney2

Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Hong Kong
#1
Hi everyone,

I just found this forum and want to use it as a place where I can discuss some of my problems and hopefully find a way to deal with them. Also, I hope I can help others as well, as I know well that mental illness is really tough to deal with.

I was diagnosed as bipolar almost 10 years ago when I had an episode and ended up in a mental hospital. Ever since then, I've done everything I can to keep my life on track, including no longer partying and drinking, eating better, exercising more, and sleeping better. Although I used to be on medication and seeing therapists, I found this was really draining and not very useful and I just wasn't myself when I was on meds, so I stopped doing those things. I know some will criticize me for that, but I've been reasonably well for years without them, and I'd rather have a bit of mood swings rather than lose my creativity, energy, and personality entirely to medication.

Lately though, I've been feeling quite down, and I'm starting to lose the control I've had over my life, so I'm trying to reach out to have a support network that can keep me on the right path. I find the hardest thing to do is to tell those around me about my problems, as they will just consider me crazy and leave me or I will become a burden on them as they try to help me. So, instead I'm reaching out to people online who will understand what I'm going through and hopefully won't judge and may even be able to give me tips to help me through this. In return, I'd be glad to offer my support and help wherever possible.

That's all for now. I'm looking forward to your responses.
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,008
Location
NZ
#2
Hi everyone,
I just found this forum and want to use it as a place where I can discuss some of my problems and hopefully find a way to deal with them. Also, I hope I can help others as well, as I know well that mental illness is really tough to deal with.
I was diagnosed as bipolar almost 10 years ago when I had an episode and ended up in a mental hospital. Ever since then, I've done everything I can to keep my life on track, including no longer partying and drinking, eating better, exercising more, and sleeping better. Although I used to be on medication and seeing therapists, I found this was really draining and not very useful and I just wasn't myself when I was on meds, so I stopped doing those things. I know some will criticize me for that, but I've been reasonably well for years without them, and I'd rather have a bit of mood swings rather than lose my creativity, energy, and personality entirely to medication.
Lately though, I've been feeling quite down, and I'm starting to lose the control I've had over my life, so I'm trying to reach out to have a support network that can keep me on the right path. I find the hardest thing to do is to tell those around me about my problems, as they will just consider me crazy and leave me or I will become a burden on them as they try to help me. So, instead I'm reaching out to people online who will understand what I'm going through and hopefully won't judge and may even be able to give me tips to help me through this. In return, I'd be glad to offer my support and help wherever possible.
That's all for now. I'm looking forward to your responses.
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,008
Location
NZ
#3
Hi there and welcome
Sounds like you have been doing really well for some time
Having a diagnosis of bipolar I believe is a life long thing. I has suffered off and on with depression most my life. Also some of the hypomania symptoms that I never disclosed until I lost control of it all and became acutely unwell.
I was doing great at one point in my life I was the happiest and the most contented in my life when it all started to fall apart. I was in denial using all my energy to fool even myself I was fine I was a wreck.
l felt I had to justify why I was this way. I was crook and like any illness I needed help. I wish I had asked for help before I became I'll.
No people won't judge you and you shouldn't feel any shame.
Sounds like you are really struggling.
Are you taking good care of yourself, eating well, sleeping well, spending time with others.
Have you considered maybe seeing a doctor letting them know that things arent so great. Maybe you need to consider meds if they helped previously?
Its ok to tell others you aren't quite yourself at the moment. You don't need to disclose everything.
Letting others in can be a good thing if you feel you can trust them.
Either way I am glad you joined the forum and it is an awesome place to be where people can support each other x
 
M

myjourney2

Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Hong Kong
#4
Megirl,

Thanks for the reply.

I know it's a life-long diagnosis, but I really thought I had things largely under control. I guess I have to re-evaluate things. I really don't want to go back to medication. I believe there's something I can do to help make things good enough for me. Maybe not perfect, but at least functional, and at least can get rid of these persistent negative thoughts.

I will try telling a bit more to some people I can trust, but I guess I feel safer and less troublesome telling strangers online. The last thing I want to do is burden my friends and family with issues that are just in my mind.
 
R

Ramson bangers

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Messages
234
Location
England
#5
It takes so much courage to get as far as you have. Taking the right steps to improve your mental health. Im not bipolar but I know how it feels, i mean the added pressure of explaining to therapists who usually generalise you so they can put you in a box without understanding the complexity of it. All i would say is please take all the help you can. You are not burdening your family, you have shown great strength in your battle and are doing a great job. Goodluck and take care.
 
M

myjourney2

Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Hong Kong
#6
Thanks Ramson for your reply!

I've taken the positive step of applying this forum and forcing myself to check and post daily.

As for friends and family, I've told my girlfriend that I've been feeling down (and she can sense it definitely) but I find it impossible to say the "b" word (bipolar) without filling her head with crazy thoughts and really making her worried even more than she already is. And as it is, I think she feels guilty, like she's the one making me feel this way, despite me constantly assuring her that it's not her problem. But anyway, I will keep doing my best and see if I can find a way to let her know (and also tell her of my past that she's not fully aware of).

My parents are aware of my past problems, as they were informed by the hospital of my problem, but I'm no longer close to them, as we live far apart, and most of our communication is just short email updates or calls that I can fake normal. I have a pretty good life overall, so all I need to tell them is about good things like being promoted at work, places I've traveled, future goals. I really don't want my parents to know that I still have problems, as my mom will worry way beyond what's necessary, and she already has a lot to worry about, so I will just make her so much worse and maybe give her a panic attack.

I really hope talking here will help me clear my mind and be healthy overall for me. Thanks for reading this.
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,008
Location
NZ
#7
Isn't that interesting the 'b' word its sad but it seems more that when I say I suffer from depression or anxiety then when the bipolar word comes up I see people making some judgement or say 'oh you are bipolar' like that's what I have suddenly became. Not 'Ann' who loves dogs or that I am someone who is a nurse it seems suddenly that I am my illness. Its bloody sad that even this day it appears to me the more stigma attached to certain mental health issues. So yeh I'm very cautious about who I tell what too
 
abbasrizvi918

abbasrizvi918

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Pakistan
#8
I intend the same.
Although I never visited psychiatrist but I have real hard times struggling to put myself together.
Can't share my troubles with people around me because they all wanna see me strong and powerful.
Hope to find a compassionate network here, to support me if I collapse
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,008
Location
NZ
#9
Hi there and:welcome:
This is a great place to be. I have in the past checked out a few different sites but personally this is a really good place. You will get plenty of support here