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My husbands mental health

K

Kkaarolina

Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Poland
Hello everyone, Im new here and English is not my first language so sorry for that!

I have a big problem with my husband, 31 yo - 1.5 year married, 3 years together. 3 months ago suddenly he said he wants a divorce. It was totally out of nowhere. He moved out two days later to another city. We decided to take a break to let him think. I was completely devastated and I take antidepresants and go to psychotherapy now.

He almost didnt talk to me, if he did he screamed most of the time. Than I called him after 2 months and asked if he is totally sure he wants a divorce. He said yes. I said ok than lets do this. Than suddenly he started saying nooo, lets wait, i have to think, lets try fixing our marriage. Than he almost didnt talk for me for almost a month. Than we met - he initiated the meeting.

On the meeting at the beggining he was lovely. He said lets try dating first as he needs space to think. He said he found a job in my city but he will take it only if we r back together.

Than completely out of the sudden he started saying he doesnt want me, he doesnt feel anything to me and he wants a divorce asap. And he started accusing me that I said I will make him arrested by police!! (I never said anything like this, for what reason anyway? it makes zero sense, zero). He is not from my country and his family is far away. He called them and he said I threaret him with police and from what he told me they bought him a ticket back (now Im not sure if he actually is leaving the country).

He said a lot of weird stuff about me to his family, they started calling me asking why I dont want to give my husbands stuff back (never happened). I was destroyed again because I love his family and I feel I lost my love and a family.

From that time he accussed me of a lot of totally crazy stuff. He never acted like this. I believe he has some sort of mental problems. What can I do? He doesnt want to see me. He acts like Im the worst person in the world. His family stopped trusting me because he told them lies about me. I honestly dont know if he really wants a divorce or if sth happened, because really I didnt see anything bad before it happened.

Im very worried for him and I still love him a lot. What can I do?
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya :welcome: to the forum. It sounds like he does want a divorce and you should go with it now. You can't go on like this wondering when he will change his mind and so forth. It all sounds like a real mess. Sometimes people make up stories to make it seem easier to end a relationship if there are "reasons" even if they are lies.

I don't know if he has MH problems - its impossible to tell on a forum. He sounds as though he is in some sort of crisis and taking it out on you. I don't know if there is much in the way of therapy in Poland but I think you might need some help to overcome your feelings in this. Its all quite odd isn't it?

I hope you can find a way back into a life for yourself without him. You need to look after yourself now. You are number one to sort out. He can't be trusted any more in my opinion.
 
K

Kkaarolina

Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Poland
Hiya :welcome: to the forum. It sounds like he does want a divorce and you should go with it now. You can't go on like this wondering when he will change his mind and so forth. It all sounds like a real mess. Sometimes people make up stories to make it seem easier to end a relationship if there are "reasons" even if they are lies.

I don't know if he has MH problems - its impossible to tell on a forum. He sounds as though he is in some sort of crisis and taking it out on you. I don't know if there is much in the way of therapy in Poland but I think you might need some help to overcome your feelings in this. Its all quite odd isn't it?

I hope you can find a way back into a life for yourself without him. You need to look after yourself now. You are number one to sort out. He can't be trusted any more in my opinion.
Thank you for ur answer. I am now on psychotherapy and I was diagnosed with depression (on pills, gettibing better, have my ups and downs).
The reason I believe he has MH problems is that it is completely out of character for him. And I think he really believes I want to send police on him. But maybe Im just too much in love and he is just a horrible person. But he always acted as if he was happy and as if marriage was important for him, especially that he is quite religious.

If he has problems I cant leave him like this. Maybe someone has some tips on how to talk to him if he has problems? Once, a few weeks ago, I asked him to go with me to therapy but he said no. Now he will not even talk to me tbh.
 
S

schizolanza

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
3,160
This is so hard for you because you love him and he acts like he loves you one moment and then not. You don't deserve this. I don't have any advice but prayers and best wishes.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
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May 6, 2017
Messages
4,109
Location
Sheffiield
I really feel for you and I'm sorry that you're losing your husband in this way, but I'm afraid I don't know anyone here that is qualified to say if he has mental health problems or not.

The best thing you could do is tell his family if they'll listen, tell them he's out of character and ask that if they notice the same then they should encourage him to seek professional help.

If they won't speak to you over the phone could you write to them?

I know you still care for him or you wouldn't be here talking to us, but if you tell his family then I would think you're conscience is clear and you should try and rebuild your life with someone else who'll love you as much as you love them.

You have my best wishes.
 
K

Kkaarolina

Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Poland
Thank you all for kind words <3. You are all amazing.
I tried telling his family about this potential MH problem but I dont know if they believed me or not. Especially they said if I believe in this than I should leave him. But for me if I believe that than it is the reason to not leave him. They just want me out of the picture and that makes me question what did he tell them about me. His family is very anti-divorce. His sister had a horrible husband and they still encouraged her to stay with him. And I was sure they loved me.

I really tried, I wanted to take him to psychotherapy, I did everything to make him calm. But he is only screaming at me or saying horrible stuff about me and our marriage. I just dont think I can handle this anymore. It is destroying me. I was better and now again I have troubles to get out from bed. Whatever I do he is just farer and farer. And I just dont believe he is hurting me on purpose. I am so worried for him. Because really I didnt do anything to make him act like this. Even if really he didnt love me, why couldnt we get a divorce in a more friendly way? Didnt I ever know him really?
 
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