My husband has diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD...need support

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Nicatnight1974

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Idaho, United States
#1
Hi! I'm new to this forum. My name is Nichol and I'm from the United States. I've been married to my husband for going on 2 years this July and we've been together for 6 years, so I think I know him pretty well. He was diagnosed in 2012 with severe PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I love him very much and want so bad to make things work for us. I just feel so lost and alone and don't know how to handle his frequent anger, outburst, extreme mood changes and black/white thinking. Things will seem great for awhile, he is so loving, giving, considerate, kind...he heaps praise on me and tells me how gorgeous I am. Then the next day, he finds every fault with me and everything I do is wrong. He truly seems to want everything to go his way. He gets angry for instance if I talk too much, like when I got home from running errands today, I was excitedly telling me about my day and he let me talk and seemed happy. I'd asked him about his day first and he told me and when I started talking, I thought he had finished talking. Apparently not, since later on tonight, he said that I talked too much and he couldn't get a word in edgewise. He had complained about our two puppies having problems with being totally housebroken which we've been working on and he was the one who brought it up and because I thought he wanted to talk about it, I was discussing solutions with him. But now he threw that in my face too that he wanted us to get intimate, but I talked about the dogs. We were cooking dinner together when we were having our conversation about dogs and couldn't read his mind or tell by his actions that he wanted us to be intimate. I'm reduced to tears yet again tonight and he went to bed early and when I tried to again apologize and do whatever it takes to make him happy, he tells me it's too late and he tells me all the things I did wrong tonight. I tell him how sorry I truly am and I promise not to talk about the dogs anymore or anything else and pay total attention to him and he tells me that he was trying all evening to be intimate with me and I let other distractions especially the dogs get in the way, so tonight is over. I'm so sick of being blindsided all of the time, walking on eggshells, trying so hard to always please him and not make him mad, having great times that are wonderful and letting my guard down, only to have him turn on me for reasons that don't make sense. I always am left feeling like it's my fault, that something is wrong with me, that I'm not good enough. When I tell him that he's controlling, he gets so mad and says that his first and second wives both told him that and he is NOT controlling. (Yes, I'm his third wife. His first wife and him were married for 13 years before they divorced and his second wife and him were married for 20 years before they divorced.) I never thought he was Narcissistic because he truly seems to have empathy and caring for others. He was a Nurse for 21 years and a Helicopter Medic in the National Guard before that, for 10 years. I've seen how much love he gives his grandkids and kids and he truly seems to care about and love them. I would love to hear from anyone who has borderline personality disorder or who is living with someone who has it, advice for dealing with the devaluation and illogical anger, the hurt, the fear. Sorry I'm so long winded. Thank you to anyone who has read this far.
 
daffy

daffy

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Dec 16, 2007
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1,843
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hiding behind the sofa
#2
Can I ask if anything has bought on the BPD and PTSD . I’m assuming your both more mature people and it’s unusual to go so long without a BPD diagnosis and why has he felt the need to seek treatment now. Do you know why he’s had two divorces was that anything to do with his behaviour. PTSD I hope he’s getting treatment for that. That can be very frightening but it can be overcome. ( I was in a bad car crash and suffered for years with PTSD) . You don’t say what bought that on. This could be why he’s lashing out at you. You could always ask the MH team that’s treating him if there’s a family group that you could attend to get an insight into what’s going on and how to cope.
I’ve just noticed you have said he was in the national guard. Do I assume that he saw some pretty nasty things whilst working.
I wish you well