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my husband drives me mad

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fairylulu

Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2015
Messages
20
Location
fareham
I didn't know where else to post this I just need to rant for a moment.

Don't get me wrong I love my husband we have only been together 4 years but he can drive me mad he thinks Im in a mood when I'm not and starts arguments for no reason here are some examples.

Last weekend he put some music on while I was getting our son ready for bed the music was so loud I could hear it as clear as if the speakers.where in the room with me and my son so I went and turned it down he got so annoyed he turned it off completely and went to bed and spent the next day sulking.

He gets annoyed if I ask him where he is and what he is doino. Surely asking where your own husband is can't be a crime?

This is a man who drinks about 2 litres of rum a week and several beers when he goes to the pub and.smokes weed daily. He always goes out hardly ever helps with our son (he changes one nappy a month if that and never a dirty one) he barely does housework he works up to 6 days a week (I'm signed off work at the moment but I work 21 hours a week usually and still do pretty much everything around the house except cookin.

He seems intent on starting arguments over nothing I don't think he realises how Ill I am an hour hard it is for me to cope day to day and how exhausted I am I can't say I have had a decent nights sleep since before I got pregnant my husband didn't do night feeds or get up in the morning (he still doesn't)

I just can't figure out what I'm doing that's so wrong and how I can make him so cross all the time, he gets to go out and do what ever he wants whenever he wants his house is always clean and tidy and his clothes are always clean and put away his son is always looked after fed and happy I just don't get what his problem with me is, he has sex whenever he wants (admittedly sometimes he does force it on me) I Just don't know what I'm doing wrong


Ok I Think I'm done I feel better for putting it down
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Feb 11, 2013
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8,424
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under the Forum Troll bridge
you are not doing anything wrong hun. You husband sounds like a bully. He's forcing you that is rape :hug1:

Do you want to stay with him? Cos there is help available if you didn't. It's not fair how he is treating you anyway. Is there anyone irl you can talk to about what's going on?
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
So sorry you're having such a hard time fairylulu. It's very difficult to know how to advise you without knowing other details like how old both of you are and your husband's background - but it does sound as if your husband has 'issues' that he isn't really dealing with and perhaps they explain why he behaves in such an inconsiderate way towards you. My ex sounds very like your husband and this is why I can sympathise but I do think you must try and get out of always blaming yourself for his behaviour - it probably has nothing to do with you as such. Given how hard you try, you have nothing to blame yourself for but it sounds like neither of you are being completely open about how you both feel and what you both want and this won't help in the long-run. He may - for example - have issues around his work that he's not being honest about. Do you get out to socialise together much or are there relaxed times when you could just talk together about how you both feel?
 
coldwater00

coldwater00

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
3,372
Location
Yorkshire
He sounds really horrible and you are doing far more than is fair in a relationship. Yes, he works but if he is not considerate of your needs and forces sex on you then I think it is probably something of an abusive relationship. You are not doing anything wrong, all you are doing is looking after your son as best you can which is a hard enough thing to do even without a husband like that.

I would reiterate what Toasted Crumpet said, I think you probably need to seek advice and help, it doesn't sound like this is going to get any more manageable.
 
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fairylulu

Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2015
Messages
20
Location
fareham
He has decided he is going to leave me he says I'm a liar and I'm frigid and he wishes he didn't marry me (frigid to him means I don't want sex daily) he won't talk to me has just sent nasty texts all day. I've asked him to go to our son who won't settle but he won't. I suppose I saw this coming I know I can be hard to live with but he doesn't realise he is too I'm trying to get help and get better he doesn't see he has issues. He says I lie all the time even when I'm telling the truth he doesn't believe me.

Maybe I should just accept it's over, I wish I knew what to do I wish I had someone I could talk to but ive pushed everyone away. I'm just so alone
 
Wiseowl

Wiseowl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2011
Messages
8,419
Hi fairylulu

His behaviour sounds emotionally abusive to me, and no one deserves to be treated like this, you deserve respect and not to be met with aggression. :hug1:

Have you consider having couples therapy? Sometimes having a mutual safe space to share feelings can be helpful. Relate provide such a service.

Relate | The relationship people

Only you can decide if the relationship is healthy for you, safe and if there is a future for it. I can understand being alone, so do keep posting on the forum. :hug1:
 
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fairylulu

Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2015
Messages
20
Location
fareham
He won't go to counselling because he only thinks I'm the one with the problem, part of me wants him to leave but a bigger part loves him and wants him to stay
 
Wiseowl

Wiseowl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2011
Messages
8,419
It is tricky when you have the two opposing emotion, pulling you in different directions. In any relationship we form strong attachments and emotional connections, so it is completely natural to feel conflicted. :hug1:

Relate do phone, live chat and email counselling. Talking to someone with training and experience of such issues might help you come to a decision, as well as giving you some real life support alongside the forum.

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