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My granma is my bully.....

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cutesylveon

New member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
3
Location
united kingdom
The title says it all. but let me elaborate more. i have several mental health problems, including aspergers, autism, epilepsy, anxiety, stress, insomnia, ADD..... the list goes on... but in recent years ive been finding im getting 'triggered' by my grandma and i loose control of the situation as it always seems to end in violence... the only way i can describe it is that when my mum is not about my gradma calls me name like a selfish mean Bit%$ and other insults. i do not understand why she started this every time she insults me i just seem to snap and i cannot control my actions. she started calling me these names (from what i recall) after a incident at our house when our cousens (toddlers) when over and granny was there. id no problem with her then. ive never forgotten what she said and what happened. id been serving my cousins drinks and granny drinks in the living room and all granny could say was how 'Great' these cousins where she couldnt even say thank you or say one good thing about me. (everytime i think about this i cry) i remember her talking and if she was speaking me down infront of other people as she was saying how great the cousin where. i remember having enough and telling her to shut up and id had enough hearing how great these bl*&dy toodlers will be. she then calls me a cheeky Bi%$h for saying thiss. then i remeber something inside of me just snapped and i remember throwing the tray of drinks on her.i loose control from after this..
i find every time my grandma insults me im triggered. i cannot seem to control this and im unsure what it actually is. is it ptsd or do i have an anger problem ? (although this never has happened with anyone besides my granny...)
im not a person with alot of friends or high self elsteem. that day when she first insulted seems to be where it started from. when shes about and my mum isnt she takes any opportunity to insult and im fed up with it. ive asked them to not come up during periods of revision (im at uni). but i always find im the one who gets in trouble. i accept that i hit her but i cant control it. she triggers it. my grandma shows up at our house whenever they want and im sick of them. she bullies and insults me and goes crying to my mum about how insane i am. i just want them to leave me alone does anyone else have a similar experience or now why something like this happpens? ive seen several psychologists and they all seem to think im fine.... mainly because its my granny who triggers me.... id appreciate any advice as my parents are threatening me i can go to prison (i understand this) but i generally cannot controll this when she insults me i feel like a sort of adrenaline rush its very wierd. sry my post is long my post its hard to describe.
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
495
Location
Uk
You're simply going to have to avoid her. Refuse to be around her and explain this to your parents.

You can not risk yourself going to prison for this.
Have you spoken to your therapist about how you have lost control and actually assaulted your grandmother? Because I really dont see how helpful they're being by telling you you're fine when you are clearly having difficulty controlling your anger. Even if it is only with one person.
 
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cutesylveon

New member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
3
Location
united kingdom
I've tried to avoid being in the same house as her ! I've even asked my mum to get a restraining order against her as I can't take it anymore. But as they're grandparents they have a tendency to show up when they want. Yesterday they showed up (at my house) around 6.45pm and granny (on her own) came into the house. My mum was outside helping my grandpa (and she was told to do this by granny....). I've asked my mum to not let her be in the same room as me without my mum there. When she came in yesterday she actually ran in to the kitchen (which she doesn't normally do) and I was actually busy cleaning the rabbits at the time. I genuinely thought my mum was with her (as I only talk to her when my mums there, otherwise she's mean to me) and I've been very stressed lately and so's my mum (she's been helping) because of having to do a very difficult uni module, biochemistry..... I find every Time they show up they just cause trouble... I mean all I asked my grandma yesterday was 'can you leave coming up till after the exam period?' And she asked why and I said because I'm busy and really stressed at the moment.she asks why I was busy and I told her I've got exams and I really need the help from my mum. I even said don't you see my work on the table? And then she comes out and says "you know, you really are a cheeky, selfish Bit%$" I really do not understand why she called me what she did as I wasn't even being mean I was just asking a legitimate thing. She bullies me and I'm fed up with it. Oh and I forgot to mention she is a narcissist. But I always feel hurt as she says things to me and then Denys it (plays victim) why can she insult me? It's not fair. And then she phones my mum next day to tell my mum off (which I get blamed for) my mum doesn't particularly like granny as she's narcissistic but she's gonna tell my mum off like its her fault and this causes stress to my mum which causes stress to me. And I can't afford this right now as I've got a exam in one week. All I can think about is why granny called me a mean selfish bit%#. What did I do wrong? And yet again my mum will be roped again which I'll hear. I hate my granny why can't they stay away ? I wasn't even being mean to her yet she's mean to me (sry if I've repeated a lot it's hard to concentrate with the mind clogged and tears in my face.) please help
 
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Raidy

Member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
21
Location
Wicklow, Ireland
Sounds like you have tried to go about it the right way by asking her not to be around when you're trying to concentrate on your studies. Is there any other relative or friend's house that you could go to study ? Unfortunately a narcissist will only be concerned about themselves so try to concentrate on you and what you need, although i know that is easier said than done. I think you should find a councellor who you can really vent to ! Good luck with it all x
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
495
Location
Uk
I think you should speak to your therapist and voice all of this to them.

If you have no way of avoiding your grandmother, then the only thing you can do is work on yourself.
 
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cutesylveon

New member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
3
Location
united kingdom
i have definitely asked her to not be around when I'm studying but they still show up whenever they want at whatever time (they don't even call in advance to warn us). There isn't anyone else's house I can stay at as I don't have any friends (I've got trust issues..different story) none other relatives nearby. I'd rather not leave the house to be honest as although I no longer feel safe in it anymore (every time they show up...) I can't leave my pets (I love animals, they're basically my best friends and I don't want to leave them with my granny as I'd worry what she'd do to them)
I know this is wierd but what type of therapist would I need to see (as I know there are numerous types of therapist) thank you for the help
 
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Raidy

Member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
21
Location
Wicklow, Ireland
I'm sorry that you're going through this ! I'm no expert at all on therapies but i think starting with a coucellor just to speak about this issue would help, then from you can decide if it works for you and go from there. I'm not sure what you would call it there but we just call it councelling here. Like talk therapy. I found that great for helping things to become clear for me. Just google it in your area and look for someone. That's what i did anyway.
 
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