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My Grandma isn't doing so well....

J

Jigglypuff Fan

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She is getting weaker everyday my aunt said and is just laying in bed all day long feeling very sad. My sister and I think it's because of my dad's disowning of her (my sister) and him refusing to admit HE'S the one with the problem. Basically my dad is angry that my sister's husband didn't come from money, go to a big name college like Princeton, isn't a doctor, and most important factor of all, he isn't Asian. This is what my dad told me that my sister SHOULD have married. As you all know, my sister just had a baby recently and she thinks grandma told our dad about it and asked him to make up with my sister for her and our dad refused and started to scream and yell and rant angrily at his own mother. Now he is going out to see her and we will see her again from December 23rd to the 30th. My sister is very worried that Grandma will bring up her desire to see dad and my sister make up and that he'll start yelling again and making Grandma feel even worse. I am often at the end of the rant stick when he is home and I often pretend to be on my dad's side just to keep some peace and avoid him going off on me. It is pretty stressful at times especially since I have to do this in front of his friends and even the ones that know the entire family. It is just an awful situation we (my sister and I) are in and it is hard to know what exactly to say and what not to say to people all the time in our town.My dad has told many that she disowned him. My sister and even my dad's own sister have asked him to at least pretend to make up for Grandma's sake and he is too selfish to even do that. Dad is the one with the problem and is too stubborn to admit it. I just wish he would see the harm he is doing to our family and apologize but that's about as likely as the dodo bird suddenly appearing alive in millions out of nowhere.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Families are so complicated and can cause so much stress.
I'm really sorry to hear about the situation.
I suppose there isn't really a lot you can do. It's up to your Dad to make up with his sister, even if just for your Grandmother's sake.
It can be nice walking on eggshells and being in the middle of the situation, but as I said, it sounds like there's not a great deal you can do to change things.:(
 
J

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Families are so complicated and can cause so much stress.
I'm really sorry to hear about the situation.
I suppose there isn't really a lot you can do. It's up to your Dad to make up with his sister, even if just for your Grandmother's sake.
It can be nice walking on eggshells and being in the middle of the situation, but as I said, it sounds like there's not a great deal you can do to change things.:(
That is EXACTLY the case here. I literally have to tell the people who associate with the two of us frequently that I "never talk to her" and that "I don't know what she is up to" because if I do then it makes my dad "look bad." He actually told me this himself. The only plus side is that the crazy lady isn't involved in all of this now or in my sister and my life or else it'd be way worse. The lady would keep confronting my dad and egging him until there is a HUGE melt down the size of an atomic bomb explosion and he'd get on everyone's case. Also the crazy lady LOVED making herself the victim and having all the drama all about her and wanting everyone to feel bad for her. She tried using being too afraid to stand up to my dad to go to my sister wedding over the fear of losing the credit card she used to buy gas for her car. And then she tried pinning the blame on me and made things worse when she yelled at both my sister and me for not calling her during the week of the wedding. My dad may be stubborn and unwilling to change for anyone but at least he isn't milking it out way too much that he makes up lies about things that never happened between him and my sister and playing the martyr. It's just stressful knowing that Grandma possibly told him about the baby and THEN the neighbors who our dad is feuding with show him a picture of his grandson. I'm literally walking on eggshells waiting for a massive outburst and angry rant about all of this. I'm the one who always receives it and I never know when these will occur but I DO know it's coming up soon. At that point I pretty much have to "agree" with him and pretend to be on his side even though I know the truth. And then he says that my sister never cared about our family and so on and so forth and I can't even defend her. I just hope this outburst won't happen when we see Grandma together in front of her or even on the plane or in the car. The business is okay because I have an opportunity to make an excuse to leave like "I need to use the bathroom," or "I think someone came in. I'll go look." It's just awful having to do all of this just to avoid any negative confrontation. I would try and tell him what I think but then I KNOW he'll disown me too and that will definitely be the end of Grandma and I can't live with that type of guilt. This whole mess my dad caused is the reason why Grandma has been so sad and half dead for the past four years. The disowning took away much of the cheerfulness and energy she gave out at 95 and now at 99, she isn't even a quarter as active as she was before. It just makes me sad but I know that I can't do a thing but hope that my dad will realize his errors.
 
M

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Dear Khulna, nothing like the holidays to bring all the family dysfunctions out. Sorry you feel stuck in the middle. I would focus on giving your grandma a lot of love as she is elderly and unwell. As for your father, people sometimes change but usually don't. Have some tactics for dealing with him and staying as calm as possible. Sending you strength and peace. Hugs.
 
J

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Dear Khulna, nothing like the holidays to bring all the family dysfunctions out. Sorry you feel stuck in the middle. I would focus on giving your grandma a lot of love as she is elderly and unwell. As for your father, people sometimes change but usually don't. Have some tactics for dealing with him and staying as calm as possible. Sending you strength and peace. Hugs.
I do remain calm but inside my mind, I'm trying to claw my way out of the situation with no hope of escape. The whole feuding with the neighbors is also pretty bad as he tries to drag me into the whole thing and I don't WANT to be a part of it since I never visit (my step mom doesn't like me visiting) and I don't know the whole story, mainly the neighbors' side. But I think my step mom has a HUGE part in it and my dad isn't saying how she is involved. Having them telling my dad about the baby just makes things even worse between them, my dad, and my sister.
 
J

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My dad called me this morning and now Grandma is in the hospital. I hope he didn't start an angry rant that caused her to be admitted. He is going to keep me posted but this is tough for me on so many levels. He should just make up or pretend to make up with my sister if only for his own mother's peace of mind. He absolutely refuses the several attempts my sister made to make amends. Honestly, if it weren't for my Grandma and the family business, I'd probably would have cut him off about four years ago. Those reasons are mainly why I put up a facade of agreement when it comes to my sister's falling out with him. I don't want to do it now since his last paid employee retired and if I don't help out then my dad won't be able to keep the business running so well. We have so many long time customers and also the Chinese culture teaches you that when your parents get older and you are an adult, you should help them in whatever way possible since they took care of you as a child.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Sorry to hear that your Grandmother is now in the hospital.:hug:
You'd think that being in that situation might make your Dad reflect and decide what's really important, but hey, people can be so stubborn.
 
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