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My girlfriend suffers from anxiety and is shutting me out.

B

Bodhisattva

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Nov 20, 2021
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Hi.

My girlfriend of 4 months suffers from severe bouts of anxiety. It occurs on average once a week for 2-3 days at a time - usually at the beginning of a working week and after a busy weekend of activities with me.

Our relationship usually is very strong but when she get a panic attack, she has threatened to end the relationship and then regrets this a short time later. She also bounces back to her true self very quickly and it’s as if no anxiety m/panic attack ever happened.

She has had a very traumatic childhood experience - which triggers her anxiety - and two disastrous marriages, one of which she is still recovering from.

we want to be together and build a life together but she is extremely fearful and very guarded and cautious. She also displays mild signs of paranoia and invisages situations that are t real. I know this is all part and parcel of anxiety/depression.
With this most recent attack, she hasn’t threatened to end the relationship but her text communication is minimal.


We love each other very much. I have been educating myself on what it feels like to have anxiety/depression and possibly Bi Polar Disorder - in order to best support her and educate myself on how I can cope with this.

I don’t want to abandon her as she is very confused. Also she never has had a supportive and understanding partner in all her life. I just want to be there for her and be her ‘rock’.

I am leaving her alone to process her stuff but I am extremely worried about her this time and she won’t let me reach out.

Please advise. Thanks.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi and welcome ,i have severe anxiety and at times my partner struggles to cope with me
i need so much reassurance from him and it can be wearing ,could you try sitting her down and explaining to her how much you want to try and help her?

she is really lucky to have you ,who wants to care and help her so badly
sometimes i just want to be alone with my thoughts ,when i am really anxious it distresses me that somebody may say the wrong thing and possible make me worse
but mostly i feel i need to talk about my anxiety ,maybe she does not want to burden you
i feel she may need a therapist to talk to ,especially as you say she had a difficult childhood,
which is where my anxiety also stems from
encourage her to talk if you can but look after yourself too ,please keep posting and let us know how you both get on x Lu x
 
B

Bodhisattva

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Nov 20, 2021
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Thank you for your reply!

Unfortunately she is non responsive at the minute, and won’t reply to text messages.

She mentioned seeking therapy through her work - also recently she has been under a lot of pressure at her work and she is very concerned about her parents being vulnerable to Covid etc.

I have told her that I want to support her and help her but also that she has to help herself.

I feel she is very fearful of getting hurt in our relationship - as she has been badly damaged by her previous relationship(s). I could never hurt her, that’s the last thing I would ever do would ever do.

I want to send her a very supportive text messagejust to reassure her that I’m there for her no matter what but I’m fearful
that sending a lengthy text message may make her more anxious.

She won’t respond and I don’t want to pressure her - and I don’t know what to do.

I’m very worried about her and our relationship.

help.
 
B

Bodhisattva

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She has ended our relationship.
 
B

Bodhisattva

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The following day after she ended it, she wanted to resume our relationship. We went on a long beach walk and and she was fine. We talked a lot about her condition and our future together. I now understand better how to handle her condition. She is very confused at times when she is anxious. After a brilliant week of her sorting out all her health, home and financial worries - all the things that make her anxious- we had a brilliant week of lovely company and great intimacy - a week of no anxiety or panic attacks. But this morning I woke to find her sleeping on the sofa. She was very quiet and wouldn’t get out of bed. She said she wasn’t feeling well and wanted some space. I think she had a panic attack during the night. She hasn’t replied to my text message that I sent this morning 4 hours ago. She is also seeing her doctor today about going back on medication. I’m worried again. Lease advise. Thanks!
 
B

Bodhisattva

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She also has had 3 counselling sessions in the last two weeks.
 
Amazingly

Amazingly

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Yeah your gf sounds like she may have other issues besides anxiety/panic disorder.
Is she seeing a qualified psychiatrist?
Is she on meds?
These are things to consider.
 
B

Bodhisattva

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Hi. Thanks for your reply. She is seeing a counsellor. She is seeing her doctor today to get the proper medication. In my experience she’s better left alone. She will bounce back in a day or two..it’s very difficult to see her like this..she’s in pain, and her silence is painful for me. All I want to do is help her.
 
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