My girlfriend says she no longer has BPD - however I'm not so sure

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GiveMeAClue

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#1
Hi there,

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 months, and of late there have been a couple of occasions whereby we may have a little disagreement about something which I perceive as small, and she makes it much bigger than it really is. Often she may swing from being quite chirpy to low, and cries quickly. It seems quite dramatic and I am finding it quite emotionally tiring to support her emotional neediness.

My girlfriend said that she has been diagnosed with BPD in the past, but that it no longer impacts her life. She has been through Childhood Sexual Abuse, rejection from her Mother, has taken drugs, self-harmed, attempted suicide and been in a same-sex relationship. So she's had a very turbulent, traumatic life.

I feel she has put me on a platform a little bit, using words like "perfect" and "my lobster" which feels like pressure.

I'm wondering if she fears abandonment as well, keen for me to possible ask her to marry me when I feel it is still early in our relationship.

Any thoughts or feedback would be appreciated at this time. Thanks :)
 
megirl

megirl

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#2
Hi and :welcome:
Great you have joined the forum
I have BPD also
I assume it's not something you can be cured with,I also have bipolar
I could be wrong
I have had therapy
Education getting to know myself a lot better,learning my triggers,learning how my childhood has affected my mal-adapted ways of coping in the past

I am leading a pretty stable life,coping well,
However there will at times things in life that life that may trigger some of those emotions but these days I am better equipped to deal with these issues

Hope some of this helps
Keep posting and you will get support you need
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#3
I don't know anything about BPD but I do know firsthand what it's like to be a woman.We are very emotional creatures,we are complicated and generally moody,which doesn't necessarily always mean it's some kind of "disorder".

I know that wasn't helpful at all though.Sorry.
 
poodleface

poodleface

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#4
I have BPD as well, and to my knowledge it can be managed but can't be cured. Apparently it's not so uncommon that people who go through a certain type of therapy called DBT, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy can eventually use the skills they've learned to manage their disorder to where they no longer meet the criteria. :)
 
G

GiveMeAClue

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#5
Hi and :welcome:
Great you have joined the forum
I have BPD also
I assume it's not something you can be cured with,I also have bipolar
I could be wrong
I have had therapy
Education getting to know myself a lot better,learning my triggers,learning how my childhood has affected my mal-adapted ways of coping in the past

I am leading a pretty stable life,coping well,
However there will at times things in life that life that may trigger some of those emotions but these days I am better equipped to deal with these issues

Hope some of this helps
Keep posting and you will get support you need
Thank you for this :)
 
G

GiveMeAClue

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#6
I have BPD as well, and to my knowledge it can be managed but can't be cured. Apparently it's not so uncommon that people who go through a certain type of therapy called DBT, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy can eventually use the skills they've learned to manage their disorder to where they no longer meet the criteria. :)
Thank you. My girlfriend has had therapy in the past which she said was so helpful for her. Interesting that you've said it can't be cured, perhaps there are occasional elements of her behaviour that are similar to BPD but she now doesn't meet the criteria for being diagnosed with it.
Any ideas on how to support her during very intense emotional times for her? (and during PMT she is not more emotional as some women can be)
 
megirl

megirl

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#7
She may have certain traits of the disorder as you stated however not meeting the criteria for a formal diagnosis of BPD
 
megirl

megirl

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#9
BPDevil,

We all have personality traits however people with a personality disorders have negative traits.
Any one of us may have certain negative personality traits.
To have the disorder you will have to meet certain criteria.
For people with BPD such as myself we have extreme fear of abandonment which can effect all relationships,the knowledge which is their reality (though irrational) this can lead to pushing people away,this learned behavior from likely child abuse/neglect,etc. A maladaptive coping mechanism. Also we then tend to think in black or white, hate or love,good or bad.
Hope that makes some sense
 
megirl

megirl

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#11
BPDevil,
As far as I know BPD is something you live with it can't be cured,but with treatment/therapy it can be managed.
I have found therapy has helped me live a more fulfilling life. I still have my odd 'blip' but they have got less and less
 
R

Rayofhope

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#12
Hello, I'm not sure you can ever get rid of it but you can manage it. I've made progress in certain areas of it and am able to use rationale over emotion a lot of the time. I've come to the conclusion, though, that i'm emotional and im an empath regardless of my diagnosis
 
P

PrincessJasmine

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#13
Sometimes a diagnosis will be changed if someone no longer fits the criteria but I think with something like BPD this would mean someone thinks the original diagnosis was incorrect. I think this is the only way you can 'stop' having BPD.

Your girlfriend might mean as has been suggested that she still has it but has learned to manage it. This is great but learning to manage your symptoms doesn't mean you'll always be free of them - sometimes people will have relapses which might improve on their own or with another course of therapy or by increased work on management techniques.

It could be that your girlfriend is having a relapse of some sort or if she did have her BPD diagnosis removed, this might not have been correct.

She might fear abandonment, a lot of people do fear that but it's not specifically a BPD trait. But fearing abandonment doesn't necessarily mean she expects you to make a big commitment like marriage - that idea might actually worry her even more. It's natural to worry and useless for me to tell you not to worry but focusing on what might be happening and what she might be thinking won't really help - it's probably more important to focus on what IS happening right now. The BPD diagnosis is open to question but the mood swings and dramatic behaviours are definitely happening and it's impossible to know the exact cause. If you feel they're affecting your relationship maybe you could talk to her, ask if there's anything you can do?

(I'm not sure 'same sex relationship' should really be named as one of the traumas your girlfriend has gone through, if the relationship was traumatic it would be more down to personality than gender. But that's a different issue.)