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My girlfriend is completely lost



New member
Feb 1, 2015

I'm french and I've just found this forum while looking to similar cases to mine on google. I'm 23, my girlfriend is 17 and we've been together for 3 years and 2 month. Yes we met when she was young, I got enough trouble with people's hurtful words at the time so please don't judge.

While everything went way too quick in our relationship and we know that, everything has been going well for the most part. We met on the internet, lived a long distance relationship for a while. When we met each other I was depressed, I was going nowhere with my life, I was auto destructing myself without really noticing it.
It was hard on her, she was very mature and while she sometimes wanted to just let me go she put all her heart to get me going better. I left my parents house to get closer and she still helped and things got better. At that time I still have a pretty low self estime but for the most part everything was okay.

My girlfriend always had that tendency to get attached very quickly to people and this happened on our first summer when I was working part time for a little money. She went on vacation with her parents and since she's very sensible she was quite depressed about leaving and not being able to talk to me much. Because of that she started talking to one of our online friends and because it made her better she thought she was about to fall for him so she cut everything and stopped talking to him while telling me everything about it. It was hard, it took her a few month to get over it but then everything went well.

About a year ago her father fell off the stairs and broke his foot, for some reason she started showing signs of Irritable bowel syndrome. This happened everyday making school very hard, tiring and shameful. Having to bear the pain, discomfort and ask every 15 minutes the teachers to go to the toilet was a real mental pain. And since it started around that time of year last year it lasted around 6 month and never really left. Every frightening action could lead to this, like riding a coaster at disneyland.
Because of that she started to get depressed when school approached at the end of August and she couldn't bare to go back there. Her parents wouldn't understand but since I understood her well I managed to make them understand how she was feeling.

She stayed home and her parents organized themselves so she could study at home which she didn't, even thinking about school work would ignite fear and the same discomfort she felt last year. Because of that she started to feel lonely staying at home everyday and got into depression. After a while it got worse and she even started harming herself. When I was sleeping at her place there were nights I wouldn't sleep because i was afraid about what she would do. The meds wouldn't help and her parents weren't able to get any intensive medical care which made thing go all over the place.

As a couple everything was going well, I was always present and helpful all I could, she was so thankful for that. If I weren't her god knows what would have happened. We had our 3y couple birthday and it was one of the first times I saw her this happy. Even now she still tells me she was happy with me that day. Around mid December she started talking to one of our common friends who got through depression and suicide attempt so he could help her. This enabled me to step back a little and rest a little since this situation was very very stressful.
We saw that friend a few days after and all went well, we had loads of fun and again everything was well between us and I was so happy to see her joyfull. When we got back everything came back to depression, feeling very low and I still did all my nbest.
After new year and a few days passed my friend called me panicked because my girlfriend was sending him weird stuff on skype. I got out of my chair went into her room and there she was on the bed soaking wet, crying and tons of pills on her side, mos of which she had taken.
When waiting for the ambulance to come she told me she'd done that because she though she had fallen in love with our friend, just like last time and because of the depression she just couldn't bare hurting anyone more. None of the pills she took was very dangerous but she still stayed about a week and the hospital where she had time to think since she could only see her parents. The day before going home I was able to get her on the phone and she told me she felt better, she knew her feeling for our friends were fake and she only wanted me.

When back home everything started to explode in all directions, after a few days she continued to talk to that friend since it helped her but her "feelings" came back and since I love her all a man could ever love I was comprehensive and did all my best but suddenly she started to lose focus on her own feelings telling me sometimes she didn't feel anything at all for me, sometimes she didn't know. Also that friend already has a girlfriend of 7 years and rjected her while still talking as a friend, a best friend even.
She tried to break up because having me around was making her uncomfortable because of her mixed feeling. Now I'm gone for a week at my parents house to let her think a little and I'm still very confused about what she says to me.
She thought very hard to break up but now she says she doesn't know, sh sometimes sends me texts saying "I love you I think" "I miss you I think" "I also think it was too brutal, not being able to say I love you while saying it non stop for three years but I don't know if I can say to two people at one but there I say it: I love you" and all other reassuring things whole sometimes saying I should still prepare for a break up which while I love her so much can't imagine nor bare.

I'm working here my best to get some of my confidence back and rest but this situations is putting a shit loads of stress on myself and I am very worried about her and egocentrically on my couple that was going so well a month ago. When I now ask stuff about love, our couple or anything linked all she can say is "I don't know". Everything that I tried to make her remember feelings, memories or make more efforts for her makes her uncomfortable because she says she can't keep up with my own love for her.

I have nothing more to do to help her as she just started therapy since she got back from the hospital 9 days ago. But I'd really like people to say what they think. she is completely lost and I'm very worried about her and us. I'm willing to take the time needed if I know it will work after she gets better. I'm willing to sacrifice anything because of the strength of my love but I'm stuck not being able to do anything and it's real hard.
Last edited by a moderator:


Well-known member
Jul 21, 2010
She's not that into you anymore. That's the impression I get after carefully reading everything you've written.


Well-known member
Jan 7, 2015
Hello im sorry to read your having such worries.
After reading your post im affraid to say i think shes being as polite as possible but trying to say "I need some space".
I think the best thing you could do now is give her that space.Space to work out what she wants from life.I personally dont think that you asking her about "us".and "our love for each other" is really helping.
Take it from me the worst thing anyone can do when there other is "not sure anymore" is presurize them.
Take a step back
give her space and time to think
Dont message her for at least two weeks.
And then only a refreshing message nice and light.Nothing heavy At All.
Just a single message thats SHORT saying.Hope your doing ok best wishes ........
Take it from me whos been around the block manytimes with girlfriends.And belive me when i say. Give her space to breath.Give her space to think.And give her time to discover who she actually is.
You may find out that shes moved on in truth
Or you may find that giving her the space she then realises that its YOU that she wants to be with.
But youve got to be strong because she may not want you anymore..
Give her space and see where it goes..

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