My Girlfriend has left me....

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Bristol89

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2018
Messages
1
Hi

So i suppose what I am really looking for here is some advice on a situation that has come as quite a shock to me.

I have been seeing a girl for around 3 months now and around a month ago we made it "official".

Anyway everything has been fine and going really well, we had discussed trips for next summer and just the weekend gone we were out with my parents, now i know she has been in some abusive relationships in the past.

She also made me aware very early doors that she suffers from depression and anxiety which i was familiar with as I have been in those places myself, now here comes the interesting part.

After spending the whole weekend together and being absolutely fine she started her new job yesterday, in the past few weeks we had devised a code word for when she felt particularly down so I would know how she is feeling and be able to understand if her behaviour became erratic, she messaged me the "code word" in 2 hours of starting her new job and told me she was finishing early to go to the doctors.

I agreed to meet with her on the evening as she wanted to talk. She told me she was feeling especially down and had been for a couple of weeks and she had reached breaking point. She has been signed off of work for two weeks (bare in mind she started today) and is on new medication.She then told me she can't be with anymore because the natural stress and pressures of being with someone was part of something she couldn't deal with.She also told me that she didn't want to lose me and it was breaking her heart to do this to me as I understand her and don't ever pressure her to do things she doesn't want to and constantly make her laugh and feel better. Having said that she said it wouldn't be fair of me to wait for her.

She asked if we could continue to talk and i said no becasue that wouldn't be fair on my own mental health.

This has come out of the blue and is such a shock to me I suppose the questions I have are this-

1- is there anyway back for us?

2-is there anyway i can help her?

3-should i be worried as she had mentioned stuff to me about suicdal thoughts in recent times

4-what on earth should i do now? I want to contact her but at the same time "the lads" have advised me not to

I feel so angry and frustrated that i cant do anything to "fix" this...I just want her to be happy and anything i can do to make that happen i will do...
 
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emzz

Guest
Because you obviously still care perhaps you can, talk with her, she's pushing you away when she needs you most, it might be that she is testing you to see how much you really care, it's nice to have 'the lads' watching your back but only you know what you really want, take care.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,642
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
All you can do is let her know your there for her, hopefully her GP is aware of her suicidal thoughts.
Maybe when she's feeling better you can start seeing each other again.
Here to listen
Take care
 
B

bluemonday

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2018
Messages
18
Location
Narnia
The biggest mistake of what I did when I broke up with my ex was thinking we could be friends afterwards. Wasn't the case, I was only torturing myself. If at first I felt like "oh this is fine, I can talk to him, no big deal", then at one point I realized it's not healthy and although we weren't sharing the same bed, I still thought of him as my SO.

My advise is to not communicate with her. Those who say they can stay friends after a breakup are either still in love with each other or never has been. I, personally, know no other way.

You have to think of yourself first. A couple of times I've been bullied/blackmailed (I don't know what the word is) when my ex told me he's not going to be able to live without me and yada yada (not saying this is what she's doing to you). At one point you have to understand that nothing you'll do will affect the way she thinks (about the suicide scares).
 
B

Broken-hearted n depresse

Active member
Joined
Sep 28, 2018
Messages
37
I have to agree with bluemonday. I recently tried this with my ex. He got anxiety and broke up with me. We got on quite well at first but some of the things he was saying and doing was making me confused. Fast forward and he blocked me on social media. Best move he made. He has cut me off (I did nothing wrong) and I am now forced to move on. My head is clearer now. Perhaps we can be friends in the future but not while our break up is so new.
 
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