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My girlfriend has depression and is pushing me away.

B

burtlikesapplets

New member
Joined
Sep 2, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Central America
Hi all, I'm not sure if anyone will be able to help me, but either way, I guess I just need to vent a bit.

I live in a country of Central America. We've been in a complete lockdown (curfew) since mid-March due to corona. You can only go out when it's your turn to do so (based on the last number of your ID. Each day a single digit can go out, it includes weekends so you can only go out once every 10 days).

Either way, my girlfriend lives in a different city, although it's just a 40 minutes drive from mine. We spent about 4 months without seeing each other because of this, from March to July. In the 5 years we've been together, we've never spent this much time without seeing each other.

So when this all began we were good. We had plans to move in together in September. But she started to feel mentally unwell in about May. She had corona in April so she was just recovering from it. I tried to be there for her, but everything was just going downhill from there. In about June I started to notice that she was doubting if we would be able to move in together because of the crisis. And she just started feeling worse and worse.

She broke up with me on early July. She told me she wasn't enough for me and that she doesn't want to drag me into her depression. She asked for some time so I gave it to her, we spent a few days without talking and then she called me, and we've been casually talking ever since. I've been to her city a few times after this, and while she says she doesn't want to be with me anymore, she still acts like she wants to (she kisses me, she tells that she loves me, she rests her head in my shoulder while I'm driving, she caress my head, etc).

I've always told her that I'm always going to be here for her, but she says that I won't. She says that I will become tired of her and will just leave. Last time I saw her was last Friday, and she told me that she was feeling a bit overwhelmed and that we should only talk once a week, so she told me that she would call me on Saturday. Haven't spoken with her since that day. I'm not sure if it was a good call, I just hope it makes her feel better and think a bit more rationally.

It's been tough for me, but I read that I must find a balance between her mental health and my own. The anxiety has been a bit tiring for me but I've started doing cardio and have been feeling better. I want to be with her but I've been learning that there's really not much I can do at this point. Is it really all depending from her?

I've told her that I don't want our relationship to end because of this crisis (I feel like this depression is coming from the complete lockdown, she was fine before this), I've paid and taken her to a psychiatrist and she has been feeling better.

I don't want to lose her, I really don't want her to feel all alone, but I feel like she's pushing me away. I've always respected her decisions whenever she feels like she needs time, I understand I can't put pressure on her for this. But I'm not entirely sure if this time is beneficial or not.

She told me something very intriguing last time, she said that she wants to break up with me, then get better, and in 1-2 years hope that I am still single and try again in that time. I've been thinking about this, is it an indicative that she's just unsure about what she wants? I don't think she knows if she wants to be with me or not. I think she just wants to disconnect from everything.

Are there any suggestions for how I should treat this? I'm honestly not sure what to do anymore. I just try to be there for her, to go take her out once in a while but not sure if it will work long term. Thank you for your suggestions.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
501
She has a history of breaking up and coming back to you. I would get on with your own life assuming that she will not contact you anytime soon. If she does contact you again, then take it from there. Her suggestion that she breaks up for 1 or 2 years and try again then, is probably a sign that she has a controlling nature regarding relationships. However disregarding all that, you have to consider that you are getting the old line of "it is not you, but me".
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,120
Location
Nashua NH
I would do exactly as she has asked which is pull away from the concept of a romantic relationship with her. If she is up for it see if it would work to be friends for awhile. But don’t let that prevent you from getting on with your life. If she really valued the relationship she would be desperate to improve the situation so you could be together and be willing to do anything possible to make this happen. Her flippant behavior with respect to the relationship makes it seem that she just doesn’t value it that much at this point. I would let her know that you want to respect her wishes and move on from the relationship. That you would like to be friends but are not going to push for more because you understand and accept that is not what she wants right now. I wouldn’t make promises for the future because you never want to make promises that allow other people to take claim of your life that way. Ultimately who knows if at that point you will even be around. xo, j
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
If your girlfriend pushes you away then fight for her. She needs you at this time. Its important to ignore her if she says she wants time apart. That notion destroys relationships. You have to be there for her, and prove your worth in the relationships. If she has depression, help her find a way out. Good luck.
 
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