• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

My girlfriend has depression and broke up with me

I

Irons19881

New member
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Belfast
Good afternoon,

My girlfriend recently broke up with me, and I'm not sure about the nature of this.

When we started everything was perfect, she was affectionate, caring person, was telling to everyone how I was gonna be the love of his life... So three months later we decided to move together into an apartment.

But when we moved together she started to act distant with me, as she lost previously her original job and she was doing something that she never wanted to do. At the end she was more frustrated because she was pretending to be in another job so she would let her family down. She never was a really communicative person so I found hard to figure out was she was going through.

She was taking pills to sleep, sleeping for 14 hours and starting to be upset all the time.
Five days ago she told me that she needed to be alone, that she didn't have the energy to be into a relationship now because she was focusing on her goals. She still tell me that she loves me but she doesn't want any contact with me after she leaves our apartment.

I know she is going through something really tough for her as she is having economic problems and is not working in the job of her dreams, but I cant understand why she is breaking up with me and wouldn't even talk to me.

As I said, she still says that she loves me but she cannot focus into a relationship now because is not happy with her life.

Is depresion talking on her behalf? I'm very devastated

Thanks beforehand
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
206
Location
Alberta, Canada
Perhaps she needs you as a friend right now? Depression, and even other emotional issues, can completely change a person's personality and how they feel about someone else.

Is she dealing with the depression by getting help for it? Does it seem as if it's in response to her employment and financial situations? The reality is that none of those are your fault, so you shouldn't blame yourself.

If she's open to friendship, then perhaps you could ask her what she thinks will help her depression and then offer suggestions. Lots of people see therapists when they get depressed in response to difficult situations in life.

If she starts feeling suicidal, then you want to get her help.
 
I

Irons19881

New member
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Belfast
Hi,
Thanks for your reply,
She wouldn't get help about it because she says what she need it's to get her job back. She doesn't want to be my friend either, she doesn't want to speak to me or to have any sort of contact.
But I would never have imagined she was gonna go away after she showed me her unconditional love when she was fine.
She wants to be by herself, and doesn't want my help or anyone else.
She lost all the interest in everything she always enjoyed.
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
206
Location
Alberta, Canada
Hi,
Thanks for your reply,
She wouldn't get help about it because she says what she need it's to get her job back. She doesn't want to be my friend either, she doesn't want to speak to me or to have any sort of contact.
But I would never have imagined she was gonna go away after she showed me her unconditional love when she was fine.
She wants to be by herself, and doesn't want my help or anyone else.
She lost all the interest in everything she always enjoyed.
Her complete change in personality would be really tough for anybody, especially someone who loves her.

Perhaps she'll contact you if she can't get her job back and needs support, but you can't predict this will happen. She is unpredictable.

If you were with her, you might feel as if you have to walk on egg shells so that you don't do anything to upset her. You have to remember that you have done nothing wrong.

Try not to be hard on yourself and think you are in any way responsible or that there's something you can do to win her back.

It's really difficult emotionally when someone breaks up with us. Perhaps you need to take care of your own emotions by talking them through with someone you know, such as a friend or your parents.

You may also have to accept the fact that you may have to move on. What if she doesn't bounce back to her old self?

I'm so sorry you're going through a difficult time, but there's a sea full of fish out there and if you move on, you can reel in someone else, especially considering that you're obviously a very concerned and caring person.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,462
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Hi @Irons19881
I'm so sorry that your girlfriend broke up with you. What you describe as her unconditional love for you was apparently not the case. She couldn't be clearer as to why she is acting the way that she is. I'm afraid that you'll have to go through the five stages of grief in this matter: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Be aware of your becoming depressed. If it lasts longer than two weeks, then you are slipping into major depressive disorder, and you'll need to see a psychiatrist for meds, and most likely will need to see a therapist for talk therapy. It will take some time before you accept what has happened. I wish you all the best.
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
3,052
Hey sorry to hear that xx
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,295
Location
nowhere
She feels she has nothing to give. She needs all of her energy to work on her problems and feelings. There's only so much energy someone has and she is out of any extra energy to give to someone else.
 
S

Silenced

Former member
Hello sweetie,
I'm terribly sorry this has happened, I know it's not easy being in a relationship with depression as I have been there many times, I have been the depressed one and the boyfriends didn't know how to handle me and I got dumped by the toxic relationship I had with them.
I hope she can find some comfort or help from counselling or maybe CBT, I have done those as well.
I really feel for you, have you tried to sit down and talk to her? Ask how she's feeling or assist her with help, the chances are she might be new to this and it's more intense the emotions.. I'm sorry for you both, if love is a strong point, I hope you can work this out, communication is golden..
I bless you both and wish you well,
Xoxo Lois 💋
 
I

Irons19881

New member
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Belfast
Hello sweetie,
I'm terribly sorry this has happened, I know it's not easy being in a relationship with depression as I have been there many times, I have been the depressed one and the boyfriends didn't know how to handle me and I got dumped by the toxic relationship I had with them.
I hope she can find some comfort or help from counselling or maybe CBT, I have done those as well.
I really feel for you, have you tried to sit down and talk to her? Ask how she's feeling or assist her with help, the chances are she might be new to this and it's more intense the emotions.. I'm sorry for you both, if love is a strong point, I hope you can work this out, communication is golden..
I bless you both and wish you well,
Xoxo Lois 💋
Hi,
She has been toxic most of the time in our relationship and I tried to talk with her but she would take my interest as a invasion of privacy.
She broke up with me and she wouldn't want any friendship or any contact with me, even though she says that she has feeling for me she does not want to come back with me, she thinks that I didn't respect her two months ago when asked her for the reason of her behaviour, as she started to be upset and in consequence, yelling me.

She is tight with her decision, there is nothing else that I can do ... I don't understand why she would want to push me away and not even a single friendship
 
Top