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My Girlfriend (23F) has anxiety, depression, and is suicidal. How can I help her?

A

Akaviri

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2020
Messages
5
Location
United States
Hey everyone, new here, so please forgive me if I'm posting in the wrong place. I need some help with what more I can do to help my girlfriend through a very difficult time she's having, so here's the full story.

We've been dating the last 9 months roughly, and this is a bit of a long distance relationship where she lives 90 miles away. Every weekend, she'd come over to my place and we always met in the middle to make the strain of driving in her less, and I'd drive her back to the city with me. She's 24, and I'm 23(M).

She told me upfront that she had depression and anxiety issues, and I didn't back away because I don't believe that those are reasons not to love someone. She's had a few panic attacks and breakdowns while she's been with me each weekend since we've been dating, and I've been able to console her each time, but this time it's much worse.

We ended up breaking up in late January, and she explained to me later a week later that it was because it felt like she was disappointing me, which I reassured her that wasn't the case at all. It was largely (in my opinion) her anxiety and depression beginning to spike. We end up getting back together a week later, and things are beginning to go back to normal, but she wants to take things slow and see where it goes from there. Around February 20th-29th, I could tell she was acting differently, not being nearly as responsive or wanting to communicate with me, and not putting in as much effort in conversation as she normally does, and I began to worry. Several days go by where we would have one text message exchange between the two of us, and then several days of no communication, which is extremely out of the ordinary.

March 3rd, she tells me that she isn't well, is being watched by her family, and is suicidal, and that the following day, she's seeing her psychiatrist for treatment/medication. She's been medicated since she was around 16, and isn't a stranger to meds, but hasn't told me anymore about how she's doing or what's going on. I expressed my concern to her early on and that I was proud of her for seeking treatment and having the courage to tell me, and that I would always be here for her and that I'm not going anywhere. She said that she appreciates it and just needs to take things slow, but hasn't done much more past that. Flash forward to now, I haven't been reaching out as much because I don't want to overload her with social interaction since she's anxious about these kinds of things. It's been 5 days since I've heard from her, but she's read my messages via snapchat and didn't reply to them. It's going on multiple days passing before she even reads my messages.

To add insult to injury, she works for the school system and with COVID19, she's been stuck at home for the last two weeks, and I'm sure that isn't helping her mental state. She's surrounded by people that care about her, and that's important, but it's also taken out the consistency/schedule she needs to help with her recovery. She isn't checking her phone or making efforts to respond to me, and I understand that depression sucks that energy out of you to do that, but the uncertainty of not knowing how she's doing is worrying me.

Is there anything more that I can do to help? I miss my best friend, but I completely understand that this time she's taking is the most important thing for her recovery. If anyone has been through something similar or could provide me some insight, I'd greatly appreciate it.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,237
Location
North Carolina
If shes not responding their isnt much you can do. If she does reach out. Just try to be supportive.
 
A

Akaviri

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2020
Messages
5
Location
United States
If shes not responding their isnt much you can do. If she does reach out. Just try to be supportive.
That's something that I've unfortunately experienced so far with her in this time period, and my main concern is just that she's safe with her family.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,237
Location
North Carolina
If you have no way to know you just have to let it go unfortunately. Dont know if you have any way of seeing if shes posted on social media or have mutual acquaintances. But like i said if you have no other choice, just have to sit and wait. Sorry
 
A

Akaviri

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2020
Messages
5
Location
United States
If you have no way to know you just have to let it go unfortunately. Dont know if you have any way of seeing if shes posted on social media or have mutual acquaintances. But like i said if you have no other choice, just have to sit and wait. Sorry
I've seen extremely small and intermittent periods where she gets on social media like her snapchat score increasing in small amounts day to day, and an occasional online status on Facebook, but never much past that. I think my best thing to do is to continue my support and reach out to her just to offer my love and support
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
569
Hey everyone, new here, so please forgive me if I'm posting in the wrong place. I need some help with what more I can do to help my girlfriend through a very difficult time she's having, so here's the full story.

We've been dating the last 9 months roughly, and this is a bit of a long distance relationship where she lives 90 miles away. Every weekend, she'd come over to my place and we always met in the middle to make the strain of driving in her less, and I'd drive her back to the city with me. She's 24, and I'm 23(M).

She told me upfront that she had depression and anxiety issues, and I didn't back away because I don't believe that those are reasons not to love someone. She's had a few panic attacks and breakdowns while she's been with me each weekend since we've been dating, and I've been able to console her each time, but this time it's much worse.

We ended up breaking up in late January, and she explained to me later a week later that it was because it felt like she was disappointing me, which I reassured her that wasn't the case at all. It was largely (in my opinion) her anxiety and depression beginning to spike. We end up getting back together a week later, and things are beginning to go back to normal, but she wants to take things slow and see where it goes from there. Around February 20th-29th, I could tell she was acting differently, not being nearly as responsive or wanting to communicate with me, and not putting in as much effort in conversation as she normally does, and I began to worry. Several days go by where we would have one text message exchange between the two of us, and then several days of no communication, which is extremely out of the ordinary.

March 3rd, she tells me that she isn't well, is being watched by her family, and is suicidal, and that the following day, she's seeing her psychiatrist for treatment/medication. She's been medicated since she was around 16, and isn't a stranger to meds, but hasn't told me anymore about how she's doing or what's going on. I expressed my concern to her early on and that I was proud of her for seeking treatment and having the courage to tell me, and that I would always be here for her and that I'm not going anywhere. She said that she appreciates it and just needs to take things slow, but hasn't done much more past that. Flash forward to now, I haven't been reaching out as much because I don't want to overload her with social interaction since she's anxious about these kinds of things. It's been 5 days since I've heard from her, but she's read my messages via snapchat and didn't reply to them. It's going on multiple days passing before she even reads my messages.

To add insult to injury, she works for the school system and with COVID19, she's been stuck at home for the last two weeks, and I'm sure that isn't helping her mental state. She's surrounded by people that care about her, and that's important, but it's also taken out the consistency/schedule she needs to help with her recovery. She isn't checking her phone or making efforts to respond to me, and I understand that depression sucks that energy out of you to do that, but the uncertainty of not knowing how she's doing is worrying me.

Is there anything more that I can do to help? I miss my best friend, but I completely understand that this time she's taking is the most important thing for her recovery. If anyone has been through something similar or could provide me some insight, I'd greatly appreciate it.
you seem a nice guy.....keep up being nice.....depression is a curse......your support will helpher .....I had depression in my 20's and a bout of depression for me would last 6 months......keep being patient and understanding
 
M

mittensofdoom

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2020
Messages
13
Location
UK
As a female with depression in a long-distance relationship, I might be able to help. First off, you seem to have done and said the right things, judging by your post at least. Try not to think of this as your fault as long as you know you've tried to help to the best of your capabilities.
I'll try and walk you through some things that happen in my head, in regard to my relationship. There's no guarantee your gf is experiencing the same things, but at the least, it might help you understand the sorts of things that might be going on.
The biggest problem I face in my relationship is feeling like I'm a burden on my boyfriend, and that he could do better than me because I'm 'broken'. This sounds like something she has expressed to you by saying she fears you are disappointed in her. By distancing herself from you she might be trying to 'save' you from any future suffering you may go through as a result of her condition. This is certainly something I've done in the past to varying extents, often self-sabotaging a relationship.
Now, I don't know what trauma she might have faced if any, but something I'm aware of in my case is that because people have hurt me in the past, I'm prone to pushing people away before they can hurt me.
And then there are the feelings of 'not deserving to be happy'. It's horrible, insidious logic that insists that because I don't love myself I can't possibly be loved by anyone else. How is it at all possible that this wonderful, caring person can adore me so much when I feel worthless? They will soon realize this and wonder why they spent so much time and effort on someone as low as myself. It's twisted, I know.
Added on top of that is the whole weight of the world and all the horrible things in it pressing down on me. People with mental issues can be highly empathic, and all this craziness right now is just making me want to curl up away from anything and everything in a form of self-preservation of mind.
Perceived pressure doesn't help with me either. I want the people I care about to be happy, often at the expense of my own happiness. At the end of the day, the best thing might be to say you're trying to understand and respect her, that you love and believe in her, and you'll be there to stand by her side for when she feels ready.
But just remember that everyone's situation is unique. What my experience is, might not totally apply to hers. It's hard to get the full story in a post. Just keep doing your best, it's all we ever ask for :)
 
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