My girlfiriend's violent meltdowns

V

VectorS

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2018
Messages
2
#1
I have a really hard time with this...

I love my girlfriend dearly. She's this cutie who I can't get enough of when she's really doing well mentally. But sometimes she gets really bad.

The other night, I got upset at her, and the best of us get upset, but I feel really guilty about it because of what she did afterward. But I was just so upset... We had an argument and it didn't get out of control, thank god. I was angry at her, but I didn't want the situation to escalate, so after staying by myself for a bit I just left for work. She chased me out of the house and said, "You're not going to even talk to me?"

I didn't know what to do, so I left. I shouldn't have, I know. I just didn't want the situation to get worse.

Anyway, we texted at work, and she was threatening suicide, so I rushed home ASAP. I found the home a wreck... Stuff all over the floor, boxes of parts from my work area overturned, the bookshelf and dresser in the bedroom completely destroyed, and a hole punched in the wall. I did my best to calm her and help her feel better. Afterward, I basically rebuilt everything. Except the wall, because I don't have any drywall to replace it at the moment.

I don't know how to feel about all this... Am I enabling a bad behavior? Should I have made her clean it up? She thinks it's completely my fault and that I should be responsible for all the cleanup. Am I really? I just don't know... I'm so conflicted about all this. I know I shouldn't blame her for mental health issues. God knows I have plenty of my own issues, so I know they all can't be helped. But I'm still frustrated, and conflicted about the whole thing.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,008
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
#2
If you are disrespectful with me,
I will move out of your way, but
I will not disrespect you.
I will not be unkind to you.
I will not mirror your actions.
Who are you to make me step down
to a level
where I don't belong.

Nawja Zebwain
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,008
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
#3
I just found that poem today and really liked it.

SHE, by herself, is 100% completely responsible for her choice and actions. There is no excuse for this kind of violence. You are not to blame, not even a little bit.

This is considered domestic abuse. And it will confuse you to no end.

You did right by going to work. Don't let that get messed up! She is an adult, right? She can wait a few hours until you get home to talk to you.

If she threatens suicide again, just call emergency services and report it.

I would tell her that if she ever pulls this shit again that you will put her out. and mean it.
This kind of chaos will wear you out and down to a nub. Sooner or later, it will break you. that helps no one.

Please start learning about boundaries and if you can, get counseling.

The best thing to do is often the hardest.
 
D

Dulcie

Guest
#4
I have a really hard time with this...

I love my girlfriend dearly. She's this cutie who I can't get enough of when she's really doing well mentally. But sometimes she gets really bad.

The other night, I got upset at her, and the best of us get upset, but I feel really guilty about it because of what she did afterward. But I was just so upset... We had an argument and it didn't get out of control, thank god. I was angry at her, but I didn't want the situation to escalate, so after staying by myself for a bit I just left for work. She chased me out of the house and said, "You're not going to even talk to me?"

I didn't know what to do, so I left. I shouldn't have, I know. I just didn't want the situation to get worse.

Anyway, we texted at work, and she was threatening suicide, so I rushed home ASAP. I found the home a wreck... Stuff all over the floor, boxes of parts from my work area overturned, the bookshelf and dresser in the bedroom completely destroyed, and a hole punched in the wall. I did my best to calm her and help her feel better. Afterward, I basically rebuilt everything. Except the wall, because I don't have any drywall to replace it at the moment.

I don't know how to feel about all this... Am I enabling a bad behavior? Should I have made her clean it up? She thinks it's completely my fault and that I should be responsible for all the cleanup. Am I really? I just don't know... I'm so conflicted about all this. I know I shouldn't blame her for mental health issues. God knows I have plenty of my own issues, so I know they all can't be helped. But I'm still frustrated, and conflicted about the whole thing.
First of all, welcome to the forum. You were brave to share this, but I think you should not have to bear this alone but get your girlfriend to agree to making an appointment with her doctor and you accompany her.

Your girlfriend's doctor needs to talk to her and make a referral to a therapist who will give her a course of CBT to begin dealing with her violent behaviour and anger. Courses for anger therapy need not be lengthly, though this depends on the severity of the patient's anger and the violence that accompanies it, so it is imperitive that you seek medical advice if your girlfriend is to be helped. I repeat, you cannot handle this alone.

Secondly, regarding her threats of suicide, if she gets into a terrible state then please get her to contact Samaritans: Samaritans |

Regarding Samartians: Call 116 123 or Email
jo@samaritans.org

Or Papyrus: Home | Papyrus UK | Suicide Prevention Charity < Regarding Papyrus, if your girlfriend is under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings or self-harm, you can call Papyrus HOPEline on 0800 068 4141 (weekdays 10am-10pm, weekends 2pm-10pm and bank holidays 2pm–5pm), email pat@papyrus-uk.org or text 07786 209 697.

And there is Mind: Suicidal feelings | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems

If all else fails, then dial 999 and ask for the emergency services.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,546
Location
England
#5
Hi,
The others are right it is domestic violence, don't blame yourself.
Your girlfriend needs therapy and help.
If she threatens suicide call emergency services, ask for an ambulance.
It is best to leave the situation.
Here to listen.
Take care