- Nov 22, 2018
Hi guys, I would like to share a few issues that I have because I am genuinely interested to see if these things affect other people. Most of the people I talk to look at me like I am some kind of freak, even some people who claim to have experienced mental health problems in some capacity look at me like I am either crazy or just making things up. It all started 7 or 8 years ago, I would get crazy headaches and started to act in a way that was so far away from the me people had gotten to know. I experience a lot of the “traditional” mental health issues such as Anger, Depression and Anxiety which have all been diagnosed by professionals and was prescribed several drugs and put through a period of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. The strange issues that I am yet to see replicated in anyone else is a behavioural cycle, for a few months I will be fixated by one or two things and find someone who is accomplished in that field, and want to emulate them. I will change phones because I see that person with a certain device, trick myself into believing that I do all the same things as that person and will buy things similar to them. I will engage in a lot of the same activities thinking that if I focus on this “interest” that I will get better. This never works however and within a few month it’s a new fixation and the things that I have bought previously now don’t fit this new “persona” that I have become and the cycle starts again, buying things that I feel fit my new lifestyle knowing full well that in a few weeks/months it will start again with something new, all the time telling myself this time is different. For example, at the moment I am on a huge outdoors, hiking kick. I started an Instagram to upload photos and have been looking at getting a 4x4, I spent £70 on a pair of North Face hiking shoes and have all these trips planned that I want to take. However, in a few weeks I will be back to being into technology and will buy a new phone, be looking at getting a tech heavy car with sat nav and all the trimmings and will have ditched the whole outdoors thing to sit and read tech blogs, look at upcoming releases to see what I fancy buying and I will totally throw myself into this new role. After that there will be something else, and the cycle never stops. Trying to work through this cyclic behaviour while experiencing social anxiety, anger and days of depression where I won’t leave the house but will instead sit and watch YouTube videos on whatever the interesting topic is for this month is exhausting. Sorry if this has come across like a ramble or a rant but I have bottled things up for so long and now I finally have an outlet, maybe I’m over sharing. I apologise. But if anyone else has similar issues or anyone can shed any light on my problems I really would love to hear from you.