• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

My First Ever Introduction Post

  • Thread starter SlowMotionApocalypse
  • Start date
S

SlowMotionApocalypse

New member
Joined
Nov 18, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Los Angeles, CA
After 22 years of message board and internet addiction. Usually hop right in and get to it.

Let's see, I only came here when a search about certain experiences led me to seek out the Bipolar forum.

Otherwise

Late 40's, male, Los Angeles area

Socially awkward, somewhat of a loner. A favorite past forum was alt.support.shyness on Usenet.

Had problems with depression but somehow not as bad as it used to be. Like no more months, years etc and if I hit a slump it resolves itself pretty quickly. The last time it seemed like it might linger a bit longer seeing The Replacements reversed it.

OCD, yep. ADHD, most definitely. Or not, never really sure what's just laziness or lack of discipline and a real syndrome.

And now possibly bipolar disorder.

All of which are self-diagnosed as I haven't consulted with a professional. There might be a few brief periods where I had insurance under ACA via employer but only a few months at most and never used.

Substance abuse ... alcohol and marijuana thru 2007 with a somewhat relapse (2009-2010) where the catalyst was stress of having to find an affordable place to live on my low wage job but it never really took hold. Started in with marijuana via edibles over the summer after a 10 year layoff but eventually graduated to smoking. Prefer edibles.

Completely immersed in hobbies to the point of all consuming obsessions. Total escapism and obsession. And any social life or even my entire identity is built around this.

Crashed and burned from junior college and been marginally employed making under 20k a year until I was 40 when I stumbled across a moneymaking opportunity that started churning 200k a year in profit within a few years before evaporating in the wake of the current plague. It was so mentally all-consuming that I couldn't really work on my issues though I intended a full life revamp as I had the financial means to do so. Never happened. Don't think I had much time to actually *have* issues. Except.

Had a girlfriend briefly in 1991. Maybe sex a few more times after that until 2009-ish when I figured out how to work Craigslist casual encounters.. This caused an extreme amount of mental anguish (not the Craigslist part, that was fun) over the years. Not bad looking by a long shot though I didn't take care of it too well hence the need for the revamp.

Total porn addict. Though it seems to have faded a bit this year along with my overall sex drive.

Pulling the plug on Craigslist wasn't as immediately traumatic as I was working so hard. As a matter of fact not being able to spend much time on it might have been why my income jumped 60k the first full year without it.

But even more frustrating was the thought that even making 200k I can no longer use poverty as an excuse for my complete inability to engage with the opposite sex. And no, I am not just looking for someone to foist the responsibility of my mental well being upon.

COVID-19 was not the mentally traumatic event it was for many. My income is dependent on people going out doing things and I like going to concerts. A LOT. Like as many as I can afford and physically attend. Which in California is a LOT. So basically this and work (sometimes intertwined) consumed nearly every waking moment. COVID-19 brought my entire life to a screeching halt. Not a bad thing as I could really use the break. Unfortunately my line of work likely isn't coming back and with no job or people skills not only will I not find another 200k a year job but might not even find one that pays what I made at the prior McJob.

But relaxing, reading, working out (losing 30 lbs!), etc with few obligations has definitely softened the blow here.

I guess my Bipolar thread got approved so this isn't a real introductory post and got interrupted for 4 hours in the middle of composing it so not sure this covers what I really wanted to say but this is it.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,940
Location
Glasgow
After 22 years of message board and internet addiction. Usually hop right in and get to it.

Let's see, I only came here when a search about certain experiences led me to seek out the Bipolar forum.

Otherwise

Late 40's, male, Los Angeles area

Socially awkward, somewhat of a loner. A favorite past forum was alt.support.shyness on Usenet.

Had problems with depression but somehow not as bad as it used to be. Like no more months, years etc and if I hit a slump it resolves itself pretty quickly. The last time it seemed like it might linger a bit longer seeing The Replacements reversed it.

OCD, yep. ADHD, most definitely. Or not, never really sure what's just laziness or lack of discipline and a real syndrome.

And now possibly bipolar disorder.

All of which are self-diagnosed as I haven't consulted with a professional. There might be a few brief periods where I had insurance under ACA via employer but only a few months at most and never used.

Substance abuse ... alcohol and marijuana thru 2007 with a somewhat relapse (2009-2010) where the catalyst was stress of having to find an affordable place to live on my low wage job but it never really took hold. Started in with marijuana via edibles over the summer after a 10 year layoff but eventually graduated to smoking. Prefer edibles.

Completely immersed in hobbies to the point of all consuming obsessions. Total escapism and obsession. And any social life or even my entire identity is built around this.

Crashed and burned from junior college and been marginally employed making under 20k a year until I was 40 when I stumbled across a moneymaking opportunity that started churning 200k a year in profit within a few years before evaporating in the wake of the current plague. It was so mentally all-consuming that I couldn't really work on my issues though I intended a full life revamp as I had the financial means to do so. Never happened. Don't think I had much time to actually *have* issues. Except.

Had a girlfriend briefly in 1991. Maybe sex a few more times after that until 2009-ish when I figured out how to work Craigslist casual encounters.. This caused an extreme amount of mental anguish (not the Craigslist part, that was fun) over the years. Not bad looking by a long shot though I didn't take care of it too well hence the need for the revamp.

Total porn addict. Though it seems to have faded a bit this year along with my overall sex drive.

Pulling the plug on Craigslist wasn't as immediately traumatic as I was working so hard. As a matter of fact not being able to spend much time on it might have been why my income jumped 60k the first full year without it.

But even more frustrating was the thought that even making 200k I can no longer use poverty as an excuse for my complete inability to engage with the opposite sex. And no, I am not just looking for someone to foist the responsibility of my mental well being upon.

COVID-19 was not the mentally traumatic event it was for many. My income is dependent on people going out doing things and I like going to concerts. A LOT. Like as many as I can afford and physically attend. Which in California is a LOT. So basically this and work (sometimes intertwined) consumed nearly every waking moment. COVID-19 brought my entire life to a screeching halt. Not a bad thing as I could really use the break. Unfortunately my line of work likely isn't coming back and with no job or people skills not only will I not find another 200k a year job but might not even find one that pays what I made at the prior McJob.

But relaxing, reading, working out (losing 30 lbs!), etc with few obligations has definitely softened the blow here.

I guess my Bipolar thread got approved so this isn't a real introductory post and got interrupted for 4 hours in the middle of composing it so not sure this covers what I really wanted to say but this is it.
Very well writen, it takes alot to honestly spill it all. Well done 👍
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
4,246
Location
Norway
Welcome to the forum SlowMotionApocalypse :welcome:
 
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