My first Blog

[tattoo_lou]

I thought that i would take a shot at writing a blog and try be as honest as possible.To see if telling my story helps me cope with the past.
So here it goes....(sorry if its long)

Since i was 15 iv been to see different councellors through my parents split.It was a nasty divorce with my parents using me as a pawn to hurt one another.Making me choose who to live with being one,hard for an 11 year old!
After many moves and lies i ended up staying with my mum, who at the time wasnt very emotionally stable. I had to save her many times from trying to kill herself,through pills or shutting herself in the garage with the engine on. I made her move so we where nearer family and give her the support she badly needed(plus the man she was with tried to strangle her,it was me who rugby tackled him to the floor to stop him),after a few years she got a bit better even though she depended on me alot emotionally. Through all that no one noticed at what i had to go through,they where more concerned about my mum,which is fair enough she was struggling but i was young and instead of going out enjoying myself i withdrew from the world and now im suffering for it now. I self harmed when i was young and stopped for years, i started again a year ago after a hard time with family which triggered off memories of what happened in my past. I went to my GP and was diagnosed with depression and when i told them i self harm they refered me onto the mental health team,which im still waiting on, its been a year now! what on earth do i have to do for them to take me serious and that i need them to help, i do play down how i feel and how much i truelly am struggling but its hard talking to people who dont listen.


Sorry if i ranted and didnt make much sense, i thought writing this and telling people would help, i feel like im going mad cos people are ignoring me or not beleiving me.

What is it i have to do for people to notice me??? Again sorry x

 

[Soren]

hi lou, don't be saying sorry! you've obviously been through more than you could go through without suffering like this.

i know how lonely it can be when no-one understands or realizes what you're feeling. and as for the mental health services, almost everybody on this forum will recognize what you said about being ignored or not taken seriously, and having to wait months and years for help.

our dear government have never seen the wisdom in investing more in mental health, and now that we're in the midst of a recession that will last a very long time (in my opinion), there doesn't seem to be much hope that it will change any time soon.

i also noticed that you said that you always play it down when you get the chance to talk to someone - me too. and most of the people on this site. i sometimes think that when you get the chance to talk to someone about it all, that makes a difference to your mood all by itself for a short time, so you don't feel the desperate need to burst your thoughts and feelings out. until later, when it all comes back.

the only advice i can give, is to tell them (a doctor or whoever) how you feel at those very worst times - not how you feel there and then. i've made that mistake repeatedly over the years, and most medical professionals are not good at spotting it (mind you, i don't suppose we could we expect them to, eh).

make more noise about it lou!

 

[Soren]

by the way, i've just noticed this is supposed to be your blog isn't it? hope i haven't spoiled it by posting - just pretend its not here! sorry!