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My Fiance's illness destroyed our relationship

L

Ludoman

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Dublin
Hi I'm new to this, but I wanted to share my story as I'm struggling with the end result now myself.
I met a Spanish girl and we hit it off immediately, a worldwind romance, booked a holiday together on our first date, very quickly moved in together. We both had very good jobs and had an apartment in Smithfield.

Early on she hesitantly told me that she had previously dealt with depression and anxiety and took medication for it. She suffered with a chemical imbalance carried down by her mother. I had never dealt with or experienced anything like this before but I immediately told her that it wouldn't be a problem for us and I'd support her no matter what. So after 1 year together with zero issues, on New Years 2018 I decided to propose, which I did and she said yes. We're both mid-thirties so while it was quick, we were both in a position where we knew what we wanted.

Shortly after this due to her feeling very happy and well she contacted her doctors in Spain and they decided to slowly reduce her medication. After one week of gradually reducing her medication the problems began to start. So upon noticing this she gradually returned back to her normal dosage.

Unfortunately, this didn't help and despite my attempts to help she fell deeper and deeper into a hole. She went sick from work and would spend most days crying. It was very difficult for me to leave her to go to work. I would come home to her crying. I would have to leave early and run home when I couldn't contact her due to her expressing her desire to end her life. Eventually her father came over from Spain, stayed for a week and then took back to Spain with him.

For 5 months I stayed in the apartment alone while we decided what was happening next. And then it was decided she would be more comfortable in Spain. So as she was feeling better she got a job in Madrid. (Shes from Alicante) I was to move to Spain and we would try to make a life there. I took a TEFL course to teach English and had been taking Spanish lessons. I left my good job in the bank and I organised everything we own to be shipped over to our new apartment in Madrid. I arrived and started Spanish class until I received my PPI equivalent.

While she was working her confidence still wasn't at 100% but she seemed ok and more positive. I had traveled to Madrid 3 weeks previous to arriving for good to check out the area and the apt. Unknown to us we had gotten pregnant. 3 weeks later we took the test and it was positive. So her docs had her stop all medication and then problems started again. Same thing as before going deeper and deeper into a hole, crying all day, wanting to kill herself. I wasn't working now so I'd get her up, dressed, wash her, feed her while trying my best to reassure her everything would be fine.

Eventually she left Madrid and went to her family home. I again had to organise the shipment of all our possessions from Madrid to Alicante. I arrived in Alicante and for 3 months looked after her there. Doing everything as before. Getting her up, having to dress her, drag her out for a walk everyday which she'd be thankful for afterwards. Every single day she'd have at least 1 hysterical crying fit. Her anxiety would nearly have her crippling over. Very hard to see.

During this 3 months her feelings towards her family and myself changed. She loved no one she said. Said she didn't love me anymore and I should leave. At the time, she was so down, crying, hysterical and throwing tantrums, that while it was hard to hear from her I dismissed it as the illness and that she would feel differently when she was feeling better.

The medication and therapy wasn't helping and a decision was made for her to have Electroshock treatment and to abort the baby. So on the day we were to find out the gender we instead had an abortion. Then a few weeks later had the first ECT treatment.

Amazingly the ECT immediately showed positive signs. And further ECT's pulled right out of the hole she was in. She was then diagnosed as Bipolar type 2. She went from the lowest low to wanting to everything all of the time. Driving lessons, gym, out with friends. This was a relief to witness.

It was hard enough for me to get a job as an English speaker in Madrid and so near impossible in Orihuela in Alicante. We made a decision that I would return to Dublin and I could get my job back. I went with the impression she'd follow when she was feeling a little better.

Instead, in the nicest way possible she broke up with me. I can't even be mad at her as she is the most likable person I've ever met. I can't go to Spain and she won't come to Dublin as she is afraid to leave her doctors.

I've been in relationships before that ended for some reason but never have I been engaged or had children so for the relationship to end this way is heartbreaking. I just feel I gave everything, did everything I could and went further than most might have. I'm finding it very difficult to accept and I don't think I ever would but I have been having suicidal thought myself hence me writing here. I'm not sure this is even the right place I should be writing this.

So I still speak to her everyday and she still tells me she loves me which as you can imagine is hard to hear. I feel like she's put my life in reverse. I know I should keep active but I have zero drive, I don't want to do anything. It's another month before I start back in my job.

In the meantime she's bought a new car, starting a new job in 2 weeks and it feels like she can so easily move on from this like it was nothing.

I don't even know what I'm expecting from this.

Thanks in advance :)
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
207
Ludo! I was in Dublin years ago it's a nice place mate! Nice women too!

You never said what medication she was on I think it's lithium. And I'm not sure what your question is like what to do next or whatever. If it's what to do next here's my answer:

Sue her mate! Do you have a lawyer? She fucked you over big time and you probably paid for quite a few expenses! Just get a lawyer and go after her.
 
I

Iridescent7

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Torrance, CA
Nothing. Move on. You’re being manipulated by a narcissist.
 
L

Ludoman

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Dublin
Hi guys, thanks for the reply. She was on a medley of pills. I'm not sure what name but I do know she's on Lithium now.

I couldn't sue. As hard as it is, we still speak and I'm still very fond of her and one day when I'm somehow over this we could be friends.

I have read that the illness makes them quite narcissistic and selfish which I saw. I just didn't expect the break up after everything.

I know I need to move on. It's just difficult.
 
L

Ludoman

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Dublin
So regarding the child. We both always wanted one and I was very happy BUT as I was dealing with her illness everyday there was never a moment to celebrate it or get excited about it so there wasn't ever a major attachment like most parents probably have.

At the time it was presented to me like it was the baby or my fiances health so very easily chose her health.
 
I

Iridescent7

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Torrance, CA
That’s not just her issues it’s your dependence issues
 
L

Ludoman

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Dublin
Yeah i was and am still swept up in the love part for sure and I have so much time now before I start working again so all in doing is thinking about it
 
I

Iridescent7

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Torrance, CA
You are codependent on a narcissist that you kinda neglected your own kid for.
 
I

Iridescent7

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Torrance, CA
He needs to see why he still pines for a woman who obviously makes him miserable. It’s not entirely her. Something is going on with him too.
 
I

Iridescent7

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Torrance, CA
If I said a story: I fell in love worn a man who makes me stab myself in the eyes. I sewn myself everyday and when I got pregnant he made me sharpen the blade and stab myself in the stomach. Yes. He has issues. But so do I.
 
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