W
wvd1979
New member
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2009
- Messages
- 3
I wanted to share my story to anyone who will listen. Lately I have been feeling hopeless and depressed and my wife doesn't seem to understand why I feel this way. Basically you could say that I'm going through a life crisis.
I am a 29 year old male. And my upcoming 30th birthday has made me realize that my life is is not where I want it to be. I have a decent salary, however my wife does not make much money. We can cover our bills fine, but trying to save money to buy a house is a real struggle for us. We tried to talk to some banks, but they all say we don't have enough money saved up.
I work in the security field, and I have tried to get promotions at work, but I keep getting passed over for retired cops with 30 years of experience. Even though I always went the extra mile at work and volunteered for extra projects all the time. I feel like a worthless piece of crap on the job because my best is never good enough to move up. Even though I have a college degree and 10 years of field experience. I originally wanted to work in law enforcement, but I have a hearing impairment that prevents me from doing that. (Hearing problem in one ear. The other one is good.) Basically I feel like I have no hopes, no dreams, or no goals that will come true. I have no mentors, or people who are interested in helping me advance in my career.
Now I know some of you are saying "Get another job." Well, the job market is just horrible and if I was to join another company, I would have to take a $6000+ pay cut and lose all my vacation time. I tried to transfer to a different job within my company, but they keep telling me that I am not qualified. I cannot even work as a JANITOR. "OH YOU DON"T HAVE EXPERIENCE USING A MOP AND VACCUM" If I take a pay cut,then I cannot save ANY money for a house and it lowers my odds of getting a mortgage.
Basically, I feel worthless because I cannot buy a house for my wife and I or support a family. In a couple years, my wife will start pressuring me to have children and then my only option will be to raise kids in a crappy apartment because I cannot support the kids and save for a house at the same time. My wife might as well stay home because child care expenses would eat away her salary. And I cannot make it on my salary and still provide a better life. This all comes at a point in my life where I have reached a crossroads and I don't have many options because I am almost 30 and I don't have time to start over.
Basically I am tired of disappointment and not being good enough. There are times when I thought about just saying "screw it" and shooting myself. The only thing that stops me is that I love my wife and I couldn't put her through that. I also can't publically seek help or counseling because my company would fire me because security personnel are supposed to be perfect and not show any mental issues or they are labeled as "at risk for workplace violence". I know people are supposed to seek help, but I can't lose my job right now. I just don't know how to deal with the pressure from my parents who want grandkids and feeling trapped at my job. Maybe I can't do it all...the "normal life" of kids, house, mortgage, career. Maybe I should just walk away from it all. I don't know.
Some of you might think I'm crazy and that's OK. I don't even understand myself sometimes.
I am a 29 year old male. And my upcoming 30th birthday has made me realize that my life is is not where I want it to be. I have a decent salary, however my wife does not make much money. We can cover our bills fine, but trying to save money to buy a house is a real struggle for us. We tried to talk to some banks, but they all say we don't have enough money saved up.
I work in the security field, and I have tried to get promotions at work, but I keep getting passed over for retired cops with 30 years of experience. Even though I always went the extra mile at work and volunteered for extra projects all the time. I feel like a worthless piece of crap on the job because my best is never good enough to move up. Even though I have a college degree and 10 years of field experience. I originally wanted to work in law enforcement, but I have a hearing impairment that prevents me from doing that. (Hearing problem in one ear. The other one is good.) Basically I feel like I have no hopes, no dreams, or no goals that will come true. I have no mentors, or people who are interested in helping me advance in my career.
Now I know some of you are saying "Get another job." Well, the job market is just horrible and if I was to join another company, I would have to take a $6000+ pay cut and lose all my vacation time. I tried to transfer to a different job within my company, but they keep telling me that I am not qualified. I cannot even work as a JANITOR. "OH YOU DON"T HAVE EXPERIENCE USING A MOP AND VACCUM" If I take a pay cut,then I cannot save ANY money for a house and it lowers my odds of getting a mortgage.
Basically, I feel worthless because I cannot buy a house for my wife and I or support a family. In a couple years, my wife will start pressuring me to have children and then my only option will be to raise kids in a crappy apartment because I cannot support the kids and save for a house at the same time. My wife might as well stay home because child care expenses would eat away her salary. And I cannot make it on my salary and still provide a better life. This all comes at a point in my life where I have reached a crossroads and I don't have many options because I am almost 30 and I don't have time to start over.
Basically I am tired of disappointment and not being good enough. There are times when I thought about just saying "screw it" and shooting myself. The only thing that stops me is that I love my wife and I couldn't put her through that. I also can't publically seek help or counseling because my company would fire me because security personnel are supposed to be perfect and not show any mental issues or they are labeled as "at risk for workplace violence". I know people are supposed to seek help, but I can't lose my job right now. I just don't know how to deal with the pressure from my parents who want grandkids and feeling trapped at my job. Maybe I can't do it all...the "normal life" of kids, house, mortgage, career. Maybe I should just walk away from it all. I don't know.

Some of you might think I'm crazy and that's OK. I don't even understand myself sometimes.
