My fate to die?

W

Waverunner

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#1
I am feeling so very low. Can't accurately describe in words how bad I feel. It feels though that it is my fate to die. Soon. It feels inevitable now.
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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#2
I'm sorry you feel so bad at the moment, Waverunner

Please stick around and stay with us, and don't go through matters alone. Post here.

Sending you a hug :hug1:
 
A

adzesc

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#3
Hi Waverunner

Sorry that you feel this way. Can i ask what kind of support are you getting? Is there anyone close to you that you can turn to. Also when you say that it your fate to die do you mean that you are feeling suicidal? sorry if thats a bit of a blunt question just trying to understand what you mean.
 
blueflames

blueflames

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#4
I know that feeling. Try and hold on as best you can because it probably wont last.
Keep talking to us here and if the thoughts become worse then please got yourself to hospital xx
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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#5
So good to see you back!! :hug5: so sorry that its under such sad circumstances. Much love to you xx
 
katya

katya

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#6
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I know it might seem inevitable - that's part of the nature of illness that is depression - but it's not inevitable. Things can start to look up (I know it's hard to see that right now). You're worth far more than you realise right now. Try not to focus on the future, because your illness will only allow you to see bleakness right now; try to focus on the moment instead, and try to fill your day with little moments that are as enjoyable as possible. Thinking of you. We're here for you.
 
W

Waverunner

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#7
Hi Waverunner

Sorry that you feel this way. Can i ask what kind of support are you getting? Is there anyone close to you that you can turn to. Also when you say that it your fate to die do you mean that you are feeling suicidal? sorry if thats a bit of a blunt question just trying to understand what you mean.
Currently going through an assessment for psychotherapy and waiting to see what I will be offered. Also due to have a few sessions with a psychologist in relation to my physical health. Not really any support outside of that. And yes, I do feel suicidal.
 
messymoo

messymoo

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#9
I'm sorry to see your struggling too I hope you can keep yourself safe.
Thinking of you :hug5: xx
 
B

braveone

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#10
In a similar boat, as so many of seem to be. No magic answer im afraid. You're going through the hardest of times, but it won't last. It can't. You'll either start to see hope or do as you're suggesting and exit. Even though I dont know you and will never meet you, I hope the former is the case. You have worth as do we all. Somewhere, sometime you will cause someone to smile, and somewhere someone will make you smile. Just do your best to keep going until then
 
SarahD

SarahD

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#12
When I am desperate and very suicidal, and there is no help (which usually there isn't), I try to persuade myself to put it off. I tell myself I can do it if I have to, but I can wait one day more.

That bit of time can help sometimes.
 
U

Umbria

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#14
Hope mate, please have hope, because when you feel so low and lost, there is someone out there who would be devastated if you chose to leave. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars...when the daylight breaks through...and it will, you will so appreciate life and have more to give as you have been to the depths...stay strong bro.
 
D

Dissatisfied

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#15
Currently going through an assessment for psychotherapy and waiting to see what I will be offered. Also due to have a few sessions with a psychologist in relation to my physical health. Not really any support outside of that. And yes, I do feel suicidal.
Just hold on, I know it's hard when you feel so desperate, I felt suicidal before, and the nights are like the darkest hour, but hold on through it, just stay on this forum and chat to people to get you through.

You don't know yet how you're therapy might turn out, it could be a new leaf for you and a brighter future. I know it's hard but there is a part of you that exists within you right now that is a survivor, this part of you has hope, at the moment you are probably in your wounded self, but it's often this part of us that we want to kill off, not the part of us that will survive. If you can try to access this part of you, I know when it's really bad, when we feel our worst it becomes nearly impossible to do this, but it can be done.

And one day, if you want it bad enough, your wounded part of you will become more manageable, and the survivor part of you will blossom. That might happen after therapy, so just hold on.
 
D

Dissatisfied

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#16
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars...when the daylight breaks through...and it will, you will so appreciate life and have more to give as you have been to the depths...stay strong bro.
this is such a good quote, I think it's worth repeating!
 
life2live

life2live

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#17
It's everyone's fate to die no point speeding it along. Life is hard, and the down's seem to last forever. All you can do is survive those times.....somehow. You gotta believe good times follow bad times and if you stay in the game things will turn around.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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#18
If you ever want to speak to someone about the physical side I'm here for you :) I hope the professionals can help you get well soon :hug5:
 
W

Waverunner

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#19
Thank you all for your replies. I'm not feeling up to writing more now but just wanted to say thanks to all. Wish I could feel hope...
 
W

Waverunner

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#20
So, had what was supposed to be the final appointment for my psychotherapy assessment today. Think perhaps should not have been so honest about how I'm feeling. Anyway, still don't know the outcome as she thinks that I'm so low that the crisis team should be involved. She also feels I should be on medication (which I again refused). So, she wants some time to speak to cmht etc etc and offered me 1 more appointment after she's had those discussions. I've also had a letter from the Recovery Team with an appointment in July. I don't really have any interest in engaging with the cmht and I'm not sure if I'll be offered the therapy. So, not much left is there?
 
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