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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

my family

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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
my family mean the world to me but when i get paranoid I accuse my partner of cheating especially as our personal life is non existant due to my condition. I get angry at him when he snaps at me because I think he wishes he never met me and I sometimes tell him to just leave even though i dont want him to.

its the same with my kids i love them i love their hugs and how my eldest is so nice about my bad days but as my eldest has a different father to my youngest who is my partners. i sometimes get jealous of his dad when he says hes had fun i cant stop myself from trying to cut off my feelings so i dont get hurt and sometimes i even tell him to go live with his dad and i hate myself for saying that.

I have cut my dad out of my life and my sisters i see my mum but the strain of dealing with my issues shows in her. she helps with my kids when im having bad days and then when they ask if she is coming over I snap at them saying why am i not good enough.

I dont have any close friends and i feel like an awful person. i dont know how i can stop hurting them all
 
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darkplace27

Member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
13
my family mean the world to me but when i get paranoid I accuse my partner of cheating especially as our personal life is non existant due to my condition. I get angry at him when he snaps at me because I think he wishes he never met me and I sometimes tell him to just leave even though i dont want him to.

its the same with my kids i love them i love their hugs and how my eldest is so nice about my bad days but as my eldest has a different father to my youngest who is my partners. i sometimes get jealous of his dad when he says hes had fun i cant stop myself from trying to cut off my feelings so i dont get hurt and sometimes i even tell him to go live with his dad and i hate myself for saying that.

I have cut my dad out of my life and my sisters i see my mum but the strain of dealing with my issues shows in her. she helps with my kids when im having bad days and then when they ask if she is coming over I snap at them saying why am i not good enough.

I dont have any close friends and i feel like an awful person. i dont know how i can stop hurting them all

Hi sorry to hear about how hard you are heving it.

If you don't mind me asking how old are your kids, are they old enough that they would understand if you talked to them about how you feel sometimes and that you don't mean what you say on the bad days.


I wish I could say something or give you an answer but I don't, all I will say is please talk about how you are feeling and don't withdraw from the ones who love you. You may not feel like it but you are specail as you have people who love you and want to help, its not easy but please try to let them.

Hoping things get better
 
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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
thanks

my eldest son is 12 and he understands we talk a lot i do worry how i am will effect him in the future. and honestly my youngest doesnt get the brunt end as he is so young he doesnt make comments i get paranoid about
 
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Dashem

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
50
Location
cleveland
Hello

Oh u poor thing ellabee​
,

I really feel for you, sounds like u are really sad and lonely person at the moment, that poem is beautiful, u should give ursel a huge pat on the back 4 it..remember this is just a moment in ur life, if u want to deeply feel better, am sure taking a few steps at a time u will one day​

:clap:
 
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Dashem

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
50
Location
cleveland
Heelo agan

Forgot to ask u, how to i start a thred off, with been newly bac on site i have forgotton? It wud be a huge help to me if you could cos i am finding it rather frustratin..lol..

Thanks, :LOL: sorry dint mean to put that, was suppose to be just a simlpe smile, silly me..
 
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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
thanks

I do feel very sad an alone i've posted a few threads and I just want to know im not the only person that goes through this.

ok to start a new thread click on the forum you want to post your thread and click new thread it will let you start a new topic
 
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Dashem

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
50
Location
cleveland
Hi again ellabee

Thanks for the reply i shall try wot u said. Its just nice to know that when u feel down, there mayb help just round the corner..

Have u tried listening to music, when u feel down or lonely? It works a treat for me..

I make myself a playlist of songs i like, up beat and slow beat and medium beat..

Then depending on my mood, i alternate through which ones i gonna play..

EG..like when i feel in a good mood i play lively tunes, if i am on a high also i play lively..If i feel i getting too high i come down with a slower tune..U shud give it a try sometime!
 
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Dashem

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
50
Location
cleveland
sorry t say

:confused::unsure:

that last msg i sent was a bit mixed up, i was rushing it, not had a very good morning so put it down to that..

I ment to add and when am feeling blue i dont really listen to that much music, its more so tv or movie, but i cant always focus on them, so can imagine u must feel even worse at times than i...
 
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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
:confused::unsure:

that last msg i sent was a bit mixed up, i was rushing it, not had a very good morning so put it down to that..

I ment to add and when am feeling blue i dont really listen to that much music, its more so tv or movie, but i cant always focus on them, so can imagine u must feel even worse at times than i...
music does help and honestly when im in a slightly better place i use music. right now nothing will motovate me to do anything im at the stage where ive found this site and im hanging onto it as a way to learn. this is my compulsion at the moment im reading and trying to find helpful tips im messed up
 
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maudikie

Guest
maudikie

Are you having any medical reatment for your depression? I shold see your G.P. abou it if not. There are new medications and group meetings that might help.
Take care and love to the lttle'uns.:)
 
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warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
hey ellabee i just wanted to say I've read some of your posts and just your articulation sounds wonderful to me, I wish I could tap back into my semi poetic world I'm sure I used to use it as a aform of therapy when I was still in my early days.

I will keep checking your posts and try to offer help where I can if I can if that's ok, but for now I just wanted to say you are not alone, not in feeling the way you do, and hopefully that you have th support of your family, your eldest sounds amazing and must be a true testament to just how much you can achieve.

But i also know that all the positivity in the world can't shake the darker days awash with greys, so I have found this site probably the most helpful resource in the last 2 months, just knowing I have this sanctuary I can share my thoughts whatever I'm feeling, and they may even help me get better help one day too. I gave up writing a diary a few years ago and can't seem to get back into it, well this is the next best thing.


One thing that does keep striking me is how wonderful everyone I come across on here sounds - how I love to understand all that I see, and be understood by all that I am, or to not even need understanding at all - I think that is the key.

Oops, rambled again, but seriously I will check your posts and I hope the better days are soon to be had by you... if there was any control in any of this I reckon it'd be too easy... xxx
 
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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
Are you having any medical reatment for your depression? I shold see your G.P. abou it if not. There are new medications and group meetings that might help.
Take care and love to the lttle'uns.:)

I am on meds see my psych every month on venlaflexine 225mg and quietipine 150mg though in my last meeting with the doc he wants to change them
 
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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
hey ellabee i just wanted to say I've read some of your posts and just your articulation sounds wonderful to me, I wish I could tap back into my semi poetic world I'm sure I used to use it as a aform of therapy when I was still in my early days.

I will keep checking your posts and try to offer help where I can if I can if that's ok, but for now I just wanted to say you are not alone, not in feeling the way you do, and hopefully that you have th support of your family, your eldest sounds amazing and must be a true testament to just how much you can achieve.

But i also know that all the positivity in the world can't shake the darker days awash with greys, so I have found this site probably the most helpful resource in the last 2 months, just knowing I have this sanctuary I can share my thoughts whatever I'm feeling, and they may even help me get better help one day too. I gave up writing a diary a few years ago and can't seem to get back into it, well this is the next best thing.


One thing that does keep striking me is how wonderful everyone I come across on here sounds - how I love to understand all that I see, and be understood by all that I am, or to not even need understanding at all - I think that is the key.

Oops, rambled again, but seriously I will check your posts and I hope the better days are soon to be had by you... if there was any control in any of this I reckon it'd be too easy... xxx

im so glad i found this site completely by accident on one of the insomnia nights it really does feel like an outlet. I would appreciate your advice where you can offer it Im sure ill be posting on here for a long time. thanks for your support xxx
 
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Dashem

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
50
Location
cleveland
Hi There

Hi ellebee

Jus to say i have faith in u to feel much better in the not so distant future..For all i dont know much about u, i can already sense some lift in ur spirits..

I also agree ur poetry is so beautiful, it really sounds like it comes from the heart..

I can see already ur spirits are rising, remember patience is a virtue, and good things comes to those who wait...
Bye for now....

:clap:
 
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