No matter how much positive vibes I read or tips I do sadness still punch me in the face and I'm sick of it ,im sick of feeling clueless in any conversation and not knowing what's going on , I feel like drowning in ocean the more I live the more I get drown .. It gets colder and I can't hear anyone and the distance is getting longer . I'm sick of having no friends because huh I can't keep friends I always push them away like I want to be lonely but I don't maybe it's because my mind is so used to be alone . I'm so sick of getting misunderstood when I try to test people because It takes so long for me to trust anybody . I know all this words are so lame to you but having these thoughts every single day keeps repeating itself all over and all over and I keep drowning and drowning till I can't breath then crying is the only solution in the bathroom alone , I know my parents probably know I'm crying so i tell myself let's try again and it's all fine and act like nothing happened. But few days after the same scene comes on and I'm still crying it's like nobody is hurting me but myself and I'm my bestfriend and worst enemy .