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My everyday thoughts routine



New member
Jun 5, 2018
No matter how much positive vibes I read or tips I do sadness still punch me in the face and I'm sick of it ,im sick of feeling clueless in any conversation and not knowing what's going on , I feel like drowning in ocean the more I live the more I get drown .. It gets colder and I can't hear anyone and the distance is getting longer . I'm sick of having no friends because huh I can't keep friends I always push them away like I want to be lonely but I don't maybe it's because my mind is so used to be alone . I'm so sick of getting misunderstood when I try to test people because It takes so long for me to trust anybody . I know all this words are so lame to you but having these thoughts every single day keeps repeating itself all over and all over and I keep drowning and drowning till I can't breath then crying is the only solution in the bathroom alone , I know my parents probably know I'm crying so i tell myself let's try again and it's all fine and act like nothing happened. But few days after the same scene comes on and I'm still crying it's like nobody is hurting me but myself and I'm my bestfriend and worst enemy .


:welcome: to the forum. With all due respect no one likes to be purposely tested. Maybe that is why you don't have any friends. I stopped being friends with someone when she told me she tests people to see if they are worthy of her. Maybe try treated people better. Again no offense I hope I didn't make you angry. Sorry you are sad. I hope it goes away.


May 28, 2018
You will meet and befriend ppl the sort who will recognise your circumstances without you having to explain for them and they will push for contact and will try to dissipate that darkness clouding your mind. Especially if they have been in your condition before. One day you will be in a much better situation that you will feel stupid for wishing an end to your life. Crying is compassion for oneself not necessarily a bad thing it means you care about yourself
. Deep down you just want to be happy that's why ppl wish an end to their life at times (an end to their current life) subconsciously in trade for another alternative life. Would you wish the same knowing that tomorrow you will meet the love of your life who you're going to fall in love and will rescue you from your depression? What if that man was to literally meet you tomorrow??! What if he is someone you already know and who you've always wanted and he been secretly attracted to you but he didn't get the chance to tell you yet because he couldn't get hold of you???