• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

My depressed girlfriend wants a break, but not a breakup

T

top10point5

Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
13
Location
Coconut Creek, FL
What should I do? My depressed girlfriend broke up with me due to needing space, but gets mad when I give it to her and she still wants to go on dates with me.

Before we started dating she warned me about going through depressing stages, pushing people away, and being insecure. We've been together for 2 years, when she feels overwhelmed or too stressed, she goes into depression. It's happened before, but this time was the worst and she told me she wants to start over as friends, take things slow, doesn't want to bring me down, but still wants to go on dates, but doesn't want the pressure of a relationship. I feel in my heart I would regret it if I walk away. She says she sees a future with me but wants us to pause our relationship.

She started initiating contact the next day after asking for a break and got angry for not hearing from me. She wants space, but expects to hear from me everyday and still wants to go on dates.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
354
Do not over think this. This romantic relationship is over because one person in the relationship no longer wants a romantic relationship with the other person in the relationship. You have to live with this and make a decision about seeing her as just friends. If you decide to end the relationship completely I would still be friendly and respectful any time you happen to see her even though you might feel a lot of hurt. The hurt will pass through time.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
354
PS. It would not be you ending the relationship. You would be not accepting your ex-girlfriend's offer of seeing her regularly in a non-romantic relationship.
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
961
Location
U.S.
This is not being fair to you. You cannot walk on eggshells for someone. She needs to consider you and not just herself. If she can't, she needs to stay away from having a relationship until she can.
 
T

top10point5

Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
13
Location
Coconut Creek, FL
Do not over think this. This romantic relationship is over because one person in the relationship no longer wants a romantic relationship with the other person in the relationship. You have to live with this and make a decision about seeing her as just friends. If you decide to end the relationship completely I would still be friendly and respectful any time you happen to see her even though you might feel a lot of hurt. The hurt will pass through time.
She's told me she's overwhelmed, stressed, and feel depressed.

I feel she doesn't know what she wants due to all of that. She was also the one who suggested we go on dates soon.

I think she feels due to all the stress going on right now, that she's not capable of being a good girlfriend due to not having time for me anymore and by taking a break she won't feel bad.
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
708
Location
Idk
This romantic relationship is over because one person in the relationship no longer wants a romantic relationship with the other person in the relationship
She doesn't appear to have said that.
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
708
Location
Idk
This is not being fair to you. You cannot walk on eggshells for someone. She needs to consider you and not just herself. If she can't, she needs to stay away from having a relationship until she can.
Hi, judgment. Walked a mile in her shoes?
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
708
Location
Idk
I think I know, more or less, how she feels and that you should be really flexible rn, if you can. It's understandable if you can't, but if you can I think you could get through this.

I get the issue she had about contacting the next day. Just because she wants space, doesn't mean she won't feel abandoned if you aren't there for her at all times. It might also be a kind of a (non-intentional, I'm thinking) test for you. If she is confused and undecided and asks for space and for you to be close at the same time and you 'abandon' her, it might verify her fears that you won't be able to deal with her or she with you, that you don't care about her that much and that you have no future.

I think the worst thing you can do, is leave her alone emotionally.
 
T

top10point5

Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
13
Location
Coconut Creek, FL
I think I know, more or less, how she feels and that you should be really flexible rn, if you can. It's understandable if you can't, but if you can I think you could get through this.

I get the issue she had about contacting the next day. Just because she wants space, doesn't mean she won't feel abandoned if you aren't there for her at all times. It might also be a kind of a (non-intentional, I'm thinking) test for you. If she is confused and undecided and asks for space and for you to be close at the same time and you 'abandon' her, it might verify her fears that you won't be able to deal with her or she with you, that you don't care about her that much and that you have no future.

I think the worst thing you can do, is leave her alone emotionally.
Thank you so much. You gave me life saving advice.

I thought of walking away, but in my heart I would never truly be happy if I didn't give it a chance.

Our relationship 95% of the time is great outside of once in a while disagreements and the times she feels depressed due to stress.

Please if have any more advice please share? We will be going on a date next week
 
T

top10point5

Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
13
Location
Coconut Creek, FL
She doesn't appear to have said that.
She's broken up completely with exes before and cut contact, so I feel if she wanted to she would.

She used the words let's take a step back in our relationship, let's start over as friends and progress from there, let's take a pause, but she also said she still wants to go on dates and stuff, but feels bad that she can't be a good girlfriend due to everything going on. Stress in school, work, and family.

She said she still sees a future in me and is doing it so she can work on herself and to save our relationship.

In my heart i believe her cause I know she's the type who doesn't cope with stress well and shuts down inside.
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
708
Location
Idk
She can't be a good gf? Do you demand a lot from her?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,155
Location
Nashua NH
Being honest your girlfriend is looking out for HER interests and thinking only about herself. You have to look out for your interests and think about yourself too. Having this time apart might work for both of you because it will allow you both to focus on your own priorities and interests. Your girlfriend seems to think that you should be available to her whenever you need her. Does she always do the same for you? These kinds of attitudes and choices make her seem very self centered. Is this the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with? You shouldn’t have to feel that you have to jump through somebody else’s hoops to be with them. I understand that you care a great deal about this girl. Go ahead and see what the dating thing does for both of you. (do you always pay for dates, by the way?) Just keep in mind your own interests and how the decisions BOTH OF YOU make regarding the relationship you are BOTH in feel to you. Don’t hesitate to advocate for YOUR own interests where appropriate. If you can bend over backwards to accommodate her needs wants and desires she should be able to do the same for you too. xo, j
 
Top