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My depressed fiancée doesn't want me around anymore.

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Lifeispoop

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2021
Messages
4
Location
India
Hello.
I came across this forum today. I've been reading experiences of people here and I would like to share mine too.
I am in (or probably was) in a relationship with someone who lives more than 7000 miles away from me. We've been in a relationship for two years now and we've known each other for almost 3 years.
My fiancée deals with severe mental illness and when I say "severe" I do not exaggerate it a bit. So living so far apart from each other obviously takes a great toll on our relationship and her mental health as well. She's a really shy person and an introvert. She doens't have friends. I cannot explain all what she's gone through in life but in short, she has a lot of trauma.
Her mental health has been deteriorating ever since she went back to her country in March. It has gone so bad that we don't talk for days and I don't get a response. It does make me feel neglected. But I have come a long way to be understanding of her mental illness. Having gone through depression myself I know how bad it can be but in her case it's a lot more worse. I still have anxiety issues which makes me restless and cry at night because I worry about my future, about her health and about us.
Today I wrote her a text saying that it's okay to stay away from any kind of communication with people for some time and it's even okay to not talk to me for days but it's not okay to neglect your health. I asked her to let me help her with things or organising her schedule and I asked her to see her doctor soon which is really important for her mental health. I just wanted to let her know that I'm there for her and she's not alone.
But that pissed her off. She said that she doesn't care if she's alone, and that she is tired of me writing the same kind of encouraging texts again and again. She said that we are over since I cannot understand anything.
We have gone through this before a hundred times so idk if we're broken up or it was one of her really bad crisis. She deals with a condition called hypersensitivity and besides that she deals with autism and ADHD. There's a list of issues she deals with so I can understand that she can have really bad crisis at times.
But if I cannot write her supportive texts or do anything for her, am I just supposed to sit and watch her suffering through her deteriorating mental health. I don't know what to do anymore. She doesn't want me to be there for her. Maybe she doesn't want me around anymore. She already has a lot to deal with already and maybe a relationship isn't exactly helping her, especially when she feels like I can't understand anything.
 
C

charlieblack5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2021
Messages
186
Location
Uk
You sound like you’re doing all you can to help. My partner is very encouraging and forces me to get up, do things, but is also very understanding. On my good days I appreciate it, on my bad days I really don’t and would rather live alone. I think it’s finding that balance - maybe a relationship isn’t what she needs right now, but a good friend? What do you think?
 
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Lifeispoop

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2021
Messages
4
Location
India
You sound like you’re doing all you can to help. My partner is very encouraging and forces me to get up, do things, but is also very understanding. On my good days I appreciate it, on my bad days I really don’t and would rather live alone. I think it’s finding that balance - maybe a relationship isn’t what she needs right now, but a good friend? What do you think?
Thank you so much for your reply. I wasn't expecting any reply for my post.
I am glad you've got that balance in your relationship.
For me it seems like I mess it up even more whenever I'm trying to help. She wants to be lonely too and says that I'm just her friend. That's all.
I guess you're right. Maybe she needs a friend rather than a relationship.
But we've been through this so many times before. It happens whenever it's uncertain if we can meet and the chances of it were already looking bad because of the pandemic.
It just hurts me so much because I'm trying to be the best partner to her and she coldly says that she doesn't feel anything for me me anymore and I'm not the one for her. Everytime it happens it hurts me deeply. I struggle with my anxiety too and even if for now I'm somehow managing it, I'm sure it'll get really bad at night
 
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