My decisions called crazy!

lulubelle

lulubelle

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Apr 8, 2010
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528
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London
Hi Guys,

Not posted for a while, and this is not so much a question as getting out a frustrated rant! I have found that since my dianoses anything I decide that my ex doesn't like he says I dont know what i'm doing and i'm crazy. I don't feel like i'm being crazy tho!!
I have just made a big decision to move from London to Weston-Super-Mare with my daughter. We currently live in a 2 bed chicken coop (tower block nightmare!) on a notouriously rough estate in SE London. No one would want to bring up their child here, having to pass the local drunks and drug addicts outside to get anywhere! I've been offered a swap to a 3 bed, detached house, with massive gardens that is 15 mins walk to a sandy beach in a lovely town. I know this is a 3 hour drive/ £90 train journey for my ex to see his daughter, but I feel that despite this me and my daughter would be better off taking this amazing opportunity that doesn't happen in life to often. He's now putting it down to bipolar. :mad:
It's true that a small part of the reason for going is to personally get away from him, but thats only because of the way he behaves and speaks to me. He insults me on a daily basis for being Bipolar, but never does anything to help, in fact he will not even show up when he's suppposed to have her most of the time, knowing it's my only break and it puts so much pressure on me. I figure if i've gone 2 years like this in a nightmare place with no help or support, it would be easier to manage somewhere where I actually want to live!

Thanks for listening! xx
 
S

Sandy

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Apr 27, 2010
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11
Wow I understand your situation. It seems like your husband needs to be more educated on Bipolar or in general mental illnesses. It seems to me like it would be a good decision to move but pls don't take anything I say as the definite answer. If you feel like you will be getting the atmosphere that is more stable and conducive for you and your daughter then that seems right.

Please try to see if you can work things out with you husband.

Hope this helps:hug:
 
greebobeebo

greebobeebo

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north norfolk
I think personally that it would be too good an opportunity to pass up, but what would your support network be there?

Your ex needs a large boot up his bum in my opinion.

Concentrate on what you and your daughter want, not want he wants.

What exactly can he do? I don't believe that you are making a bad choice that is detrimental to you or your daughter and I do not think any one else would either. You are moving from somewhere that is really bad for your child, to somewhere that is perfect for her.

Its not your Bi polar talking its you, Believe in your self, kick him to the kerb. Tell him what you are doing and let him work out the rest.

Good luck to you
 
S

skyblue

Guest
You have to weigh up the pro's and con's for both yourself and your child in each area.

Sometimes the grass can look greener on the other side, but the reality is every area/town has it's problems in one way or another, no matter where we are in the world.

Make a list of positives and negatives for each place - Weston-Super-Mare V South East London.

Take in consideration;

Schooling
Colleges
Things to do
Crime
Sense of security and safety
Opportunities - There's a great deal of opportunities in London, everything you want is there.(I'm not far from you btw)
MH Services
Appearance of the surrounding areas
Family and relatives - If in need of support, will your family be around to help you in an emergency if you were to move away ?
etc, etc,...

Visit Weston-Super-Mare town and the house where you could possibly move to, not just once, but as many times as possible. Get a real good feel of the area, both daytime and at night.

Weston-Super-Mare maybe a lovely town, but the house could possibly be in an area where there are problems.

(I don't want to sound negative, but this is important with every move change).

It's a big decision to make and if that's what you want to do and if that's what you feel is right, then I think you should go for it !!

Your ex seems to be panicking, and I suppose he doesn't want to lose close contact with his daughter, but if he's not so supportive anyway,... {shrug}.

Good luck with your decision and hope you're able to work things out.

xx
 
Last edited:
S

suki1066

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Jul 28, 2009
Messages
105
sound advice from Sky ( glad to see your back on form hun)
do whats best for you and your daughter, some men hate you taking control of our lives, coz then they carnt!!!!
good luck x
 
T

TOONAFISH

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Nov 23, 2008
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Bonnie Scotland
i would say go for it, the only slight concern would be what kind of support network you would have where you move too. as for ex hubby. yeh if he was the doting dad who was always there etc then maybe consider the impact on him, but he sounds like a bit of an arse not turning up etc, then nothing to think about really. good luck sounds like a house worth going for. exactly what we are looking for xx
 
E

Emziins

New member
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Apr 29, 2010
Messages
4
Heya huni,

That sounds totally frustrating! I've had the same problem with a lot of my family members that patronize my decisions by blaming my illness but I think a lot of the time it's just a coping strategy for them for things they don't want to hear or happen.

Don't take it to heart, but don't let it fuel you into making a decision either! There's always that unstoppable urge to prove people wrong when faced with being mocked about your illness . I've made a lot of bad decisions that way. Sky made a lot of great points! You don't need us to tell you how big this decision is. As others have said make sure you are close enough to your support network!

Good Luck!! :)
 
M

maudikie

Guest
maudikie.

You will have to make up your own mind. Moving is qute stressful, but as yoou are already under stress it ay not be that different.
If yo decide to move I advise you to talk to your MH contact ( Care Manager CPN or whatever,) And make sure that your medical records are transfered quickly, you find a G.P with whom to register, and that there is a good Mental health team available. Also that you have access to childcare, schools etc.and that any Benefits to which you are entitled are transferred to your new address.
Best wishes, and I hope you make the right decision for yourself.
If you decide to stay where you are, then talk to the MHT about your hysband's behaviour and perhpas they can talk to him and expoain more about your illness and need for undestanding. Also think of how your child WHATEVER AGE is going to react.:tea:
 
lulubelle

lulubelle

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Apr 8, 2010
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London
Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies! Sorry I have been a little high and not had the concentration to sit and actually reply- I keep going off on a tandem and researching things whilst trying to reply!

I suppose for me its a little bit of a no brainer as I dont have a "support network" anyways. My ex's parents were brilliant but have just moved away so its just us 2 girls again, and her unhelpful dad!

I will be giving extra careful consideration xxx
 
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