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my daughter

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rubyred

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May 17, 2008
Messages
13
my daughter is 18 and 30 weeks pregnant she has suffered fromsome kind of mental health issue since she was about 8 years old when she was asking to die and trying to jump out of my car whilst i was driving she had uncontrolable anger tantrums both at home and school it would take two people to hold her down just to stop her hurting herself or someone else my gp said she was just an angry kid ( so no help there )
three years later she started high school and things got worse she argued and fell out with everyone her age had no friends and was always complaining of being bullied ( most of which she caused by her attitude and lies) she was unorganised couldnt consentrate on anything her bedroom was honestly like a war zone but if i asked her to tidy it she would go crazy shouting and throwing things including televisions, hi fi s ,anything she could get hold of , she would spend all day in her bedroom just doing nothing eventually refusing to go to school at all she has pulled knives out on members of her family. i got the gp to to refer her to a pshycologist and for councelling but after one visit she refused to go again and i couldnt get her to go. she would self harm and iv seen her with a belt around her neck.
at 16 years old she officially left school and i thought things would change because the pressure was of to get her to go and that maybe school was a lot of the problem but nothing changed she would go out and not come back for weeks on end the violence continued probably worse i couldnt live like it any more ( i have a daughter 5 years younger than her ) who it was affecting dramaticaly so i had to tell her to go . she moved into a hostel with help from social services (this hurt me as much as her) whilst in the hostel she would phone me saying other girls were picking on her the people who ran the hostel would ring and say she wasnt doing her chores was destroying her room refusing to get out of bed among other things . after three months she was evicted and put into s bed and breakfast but again she didnt get along with others there she wasnt eating signing on for benifits or basicaly doing anything .she moved out of there to move in with her boyfriend which was fine or so i thought after just a few weeks the police were called she had pulled a knife out on him because of a simple arguement smashed his windows the police took her to the mental health center they wanted her sectioned but by the time someone got to asses her she had calmed down so was sent home even though she had no home to go to so she came back to me but things hadnt changed and she left home again to go into another hostel . 2 months later she had moved back in with her boyfriend this takes us to last xmas.
just after xmas she found she was pregnant her moods were still the same some days she would go from placid to angry and violent 4 or 5 times a day and her boyfriend couldnt cope anymore so she came home yet again . in the last three months my life and the rest of the family s life has been hell she doesnt keep herself clean, her room is discusting. she doesnt have any friends so dont go out she has self harmed and also picks at the smallest spot on her skin untill it becomes a huge sore, she has terrible memory problems, no organisation, looses her temper at the slightest thing, shouts and swears at me if i ask the simplest thing and other thing to many to list . her midwife has contacted social services and mental health (the baby will be on the at risk register from birth ) she now has to attend the mental health unit as a day patient a couple of time a week if she goes because she doesnt think she has a problem but at last smomeone is trying to do something.
i know its a long story but i just had to get it of my chest and just writting has brought a small relief im worried about my unborn grandchild and my daughter and now face one day at a time
 
blackdog

blackdog

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May 11, 2008
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1,064
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Sometimes it helps just to talk. Sounds like you've been through a really hard time. Don't forget to look after youself.:hug:
 
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little me

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May 11, 2008
Messages
105
Oh Rubyred... I feel for you so much, I really do.:hug:
I hope that your daughter gets the help she needs, and that you and her can enjoy the new baby together when the time comes.
All the best hun, I'm sending out my thoughts and prayers.:)
 
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rubyred

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May 17, 2008
Messages
13
can we get support

thank you for replying and listening its nice to know someone is there im so glad i found this site i dont feel like im on my own anymore id like to know if i can get support or help to understand my daughter so that i can do the right thing for her if so where do i go
 
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Dollit

Guest
Ruby have you talked to your GP about the effect that this is having on you? I think what you have to fix is that your daughter will not get help, she is not what is known as "compliant" so you have to concentrate on yourself and the rest of the family. Try to get in touch with MIND - I can't give you a link as my computer is a little bit tetchy today. On the front page of the forum is a tab marked links - there's a lot of information in there. :hug:
 
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rubyred

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May 17, 2008
Messages
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i have spoken to my gp but he says there is nothing he can do if she doesnt accept the help offered and that i should throw her out but i cant do that i just cant give up on her when i know she has problems.who else has she got her dad and i split when she was 4 years old and he has already given up on her says he cant cope with her. gp also offered me anti depressants but i dont think that helps eigther. i will try mind though there is a local mind center
 
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Dollit

Guest
Ruby I don't mean talk to the doctor about your daughter - she's the only person who can help herself. I meant talk to the doctor about yourself. And your doctor could be right - there is such a thing as tough love. It's hard to do but I wish someone had done it to me when I was younger. Tough love isn't about giving up on someone it's about making them see that they can't control the whole world and making them responsible for their actions.
 
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rubyred

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i just cant tell her to go i dont know where she would go or what would happen to her or the baby i really think with help she could sort herself out but then i think i cant go on living like i do. like i say my gp only offers antidepresants which i realy dont think i need cause apart from my daughter thing are fine i have a job that i enjoy a partner of nearly 10 years and two other daughters that give me great pleasure one is married the other still at school i wish i new what was the best thing to do and perhaps i should kick her out but i would never know my grandchild or if they were safe its realy hard
 
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Dollit

Guest
You need to talk to someone about this face to face, someone who's not involved in the family or you're going to disappear into a puff of smoke. Love comes in many guises and none of them are easy.
 
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rubyred

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May 17, 2008
Messages
13
i agree i should talk to someone someone did say try to manage till the baby is born in 9 weeks or so it could change her so i thought yep i can do that and then i had a bed day with her and thought no something has to change. i must say today has been good she has tidy d her room and done three loads of washing put it on line and brought it back in even my younger daughter says im in a happy mood because thing are ok but i know it wont last it will take something small to start it again. i will contact mind tomorrow and also social services see if they can suggest anything
 
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